New and so frustrated!

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I have been with my BF for a little over a year. We plan on being together forever at this point. I had been separated/divorced for 2 years and he was newly separated when we met. He has a son, 7 years old. His ex wife is horrible. She runs around telling anyone that will listen that the "little girl" her ex husband is with is a home wrecker, a tramp and that I was the mistress. I am 6 months shy of 30 years old, she wrecked her home long before I was in the picture, and how can I be the mistress if they were separated when I met him? She is not very attractive and she's even uglier on the inside. She's insanely jealous and it's obvious in her jabs at me to him. I have just had it with her. I didn't meet his son until we were together for over 3 months. I enjoy the time I spend with him and have grown very fond of him. I have respected his mother at every turn. She has bad mouthed me from day one and as she has dug around and found out more about me, she has said that she heard I was a good person but she doesn't have to like me. However, she never seems to let up! She doesn't want me in the vehicle when her son is dropped off. This is so ridiculous to me, but she has stated that she will cause a scene. I do not want the child to witness her acting like that to me so I stay behind. I am not "allowed" to go to his baseball games, because again-she will make a scene in public too. It's reached a new level because now my BF has to lie to his son when he asked why I didn't come.
I'm just so frustrated and want to tell her....
You're so delusional you can't even see that your marriage was over long before I showed up. I was never the mistress. It's not my problem you're jealous and insecure, have a little dignity. You must think that if I wouldn't have come along, you would have gotten back together. News flash, this doesn't make me a home wrecker you psycho. It's not my fault that you're angry with yourself for threatening divorce and throwing him out when you didn't really mean it. I wont try to reason with crazy, so don't think that I will "fight back" with you in public because I have something called class and your miserable life and disgusting mouth aren't worth my time. I was not the cause of the divorce nor did I wreck your home so stop blaming your failed marriage on me. And btw, why don't you stop calling me the little girl because you have displayed the real life definition of immaturity.

Thanks for letting me vent!

First, Welcome This site has

First, Welcome This site has helped me a lot. No, you shouldn't have to "reason with crazy" you seem to know it doesn't work What does your BF say to her about it all?

He sands up for me. Tells her

He sands up for me. Tells her she's ridiculous. That he loves me, I'm not going anywhere and will not tolerate the disrespectful name calling. He wants me to be there with him and his son but I stand back bc of her.

The biggest mistake you could

The biggest mistake you could make at this point is allowing this woman to make rules for you. As long as you continue to follow her rules, she will feel (rightly so) that she is in control and she will continue to bully you for the rest of your life. Let her know NOW, that she has no say as to whether or not you choose to be around her child. If you are not posing any kind of threat to this child's safety or well-being, she has no grounds to request you stay away, and she has no way to enforce it, unless you allow it. Trust me... I've been dealing with a bully who would probably put your bully to shame, for over 8 years. In my situation, she was never married to my husband- in fact, they never dated either. They met casually for a few weeks, and after ending the brief fling, she turned up pregnant. We got together when she was about 1 month pregnant. She has always felt that I ruined her chance at living happily ever after with my husband, but the truth is, he and I had a 3 year history before we got together and we had real feelings for one another that we just hadn't explored. She offered herself up as "no strings attached" fun, and then was shocked when he didn't propose after finding out she was pregnant. Anyway, fast forward 8 years, she is STILL not over him, and she is STILL nasty as can be toward me. She has attempted many times over the years to ban me from being around her daughter. She even consulted a lawyer and was (according to her mother) livid to find out that the rules she wanted to give me would never stand up in court and that she needed my permission and cooperation. Now, especially in the beginning, there were many times when I did what you are doing, and to avoid the often violent scenes that this bitch would make, I would follow her rules and try to please her.... BIG mistake. The more she thought we'd put up with, the more nasty she'd become. I finally realized that I didn't owe her anything and that if she was going to be a bad mother, it wasn't my job to try and prevent that. Her daughter now knows her mother to be a violent fit throwing brat that attacks her father and I, but she has also has noticed that we don't act like her mom. It's all mommy. I hate that my step daughter has to live with that thing, but luckily, her mom's mother is a decent person and works with us to make sure my step daughter has some stability. I can't stop that monster from making scenes when she feels like it, and she often does it right in front of SD. I'm sorry that she's a bad mother, but SD and I are very close and keep in regular contact. She now has a cell phone and calls me almost every day. Mom used to try and use her as leverage with my husband and often threatened that he'd never be allowed to see her unless he loved her (the mom). She used to force us to go through her to get to SD, so I'm quite pleased that SD HERSELF, is no longer allowing mommy to control everything. Trust me, the child will come to realize who is being nasty and who isn't. If the child likes you, they'll begin to get annoyed when mom tells you you can't be around them, especially when they start looking forward to seeing you. Stand your ground now, honey, this woman will probably never change. She has no control over your life, so don't give her any.

I wish I would have posted on

I wish I would have posted on this site a long time ago! You're right, I shouldn't let her have control because in the end, her son will see who the "little girl" is! Thank you for this!

Wow! Thank you for your

Wow! Thank you for your input- you may have helped more than one person on this thread. I'm going through a similar situation. I keep telling myself that someday, the kids will come to realize that their mother is the one doing all the junk-talking and being the bully. Sometimes, it seems like "someday" is REALLY far away, though.

I know how you feel. When SD

I know how you feel. When SD was still very little she was just happy. She thought mommy was wonderful and "Kimy" as she called me was wonderful, and daddy was wonderful and we all loved her. She remained in a mind set that her mom is a good person for what felt like forever. She's about to turn 8, and in this past year she's really began to see clearly just how great mommy really is (not). A bad person will out themselves in time. Just be strong, these children are not dumb. I'm betting that here in 2 more years, my SD will be giving mom her first dose of karma when she mouths off to her the way BM mouths off to her mother (the woman who raised my SD for 5 years, while BM was partying.

I absolutely agree. I went

I absolutely agree. I went FAR out of my way to befriend BM when my husband and I got together. She told my sister-in-law, 2 years after we'd been together, that she wouldn't be nice to me because it would be "accepting that she lost"... which always annoyed me that she felt she had a chance with my then boyfriend. I continued to be kind to this nasty bitch for a good 4 years until I gave it up. She took my kindness as weakness and to this day,(8 long years later), she still seems to think that if it weren't for me, she'd be the one married to my husband. What a laugh, he barely knew the woman when they "hooked up" a few times, and he never even liked her, let alone have romantic feelings for her. She holds to her belief that he is a horrible person and a horrible father because he doesn't love her- which is what a "good" man would do, in her book. And I'm a bad person because I got, without begging, what should've been hers and that she spent YEARS trying to fight me to get.

I agree

So this is why I have been

So this is why I have been feeling so defeated when it comes to her! I thought by ducking out it would make her go away, but obviously not.
Last night, my BF told her that I was coming to the baseball game next time and it was her choice as to whether or not she was going to make a fool out of herself in front of the other parents because we were going there to support child that everybody loves, not to be around her. She must have slept on it because this morning she tells him that she is not going to sit by that "little girl" (psst...like I would WANT to sit by her?!?) and that there will be a fight where she tells me in front of everyone what a homewrecker I am. BF already knows that if it comes down to it, I plan on sitting back and laughing at her while she yells and makes herself look stupid. She also said that if I go to his games, she will pull the child out of baseball altogether. He told her that she is the child in all of this and she can stay home and pout if she wants, but he is playing baseball because thats what he loves.
So on to my next question - if she has the guts to come at me in a public place, like the baseball field, what do I do? Record it? Argue back? Walk away? Be quiet? I am not a confrontational person, but I will stand up for myself if need be. I just don't know how to deal with crazy!

Don't argue back. Recording

Don't argue back. Recording it would be good, and could also keep her from going too far. Try to think about it from an observer's point of view. What is going to make her look like what she is (crazy) and make you look like what you are (the better, classier person)? I would say nothing to her, although that is easier said than done. We all feel the need to defend ourselves, especially against lies.

She might be all talk. Would she really show her ass in front of everybody?

It is hard to prepare for something like this because emotions (and crazy) run high and anything can happen.

Does your BF sit with her at these games? Why does she think she would be sitting by you?

He doesn't sit with her at

He doesn't sit with her at the games and he said when they were married they never sat together either. So we don't know where she got the "I'm not sitting next to that little girl" came from. Probably just another chance to call me a name!
I honestly don't know if she would show her ass in front of everyone. Seems like she's full of emotions from bitterness, jealousy & being the "victim" in the divorce (according to her); so we don't know what to expect (or prepare for).
I tend to pop off at the mouth when confronted but I know I have to keep my cool with this one and it helps to remember that I don't want my BF's child to see me react that way.

Yep record it all and in all

Yep record it all and in all honesty I hope she does try something so you can get a restraining order and keep her the hell away from you. Seriously why do BM's have to do all of this shit. they should be grateful that their child has decent SM. Its not your/SM's fault that they fucked up their relationships.
Enjoy the game, do the recording and DO NOT sit with her.You and her are not family. enkoy the game with your DH. And if she does touch you, beat her like the dog she is (for all us SM's here!!)

Thank you guys so much for

Thank you guys so much for your advice! My friends that are divorced with kids tell me that they would love for their EXH to have a GF like me that loves their kids and has their best interests at heart. Oh well, can't win 'em all!

Your situation is similar to

Your situation is similar to mine. By which I mean that BM acted like I stole my DH out of her bed or something! They were broken up and not living together when I came into the picture (they never married - part of her angst).

To begin with, we went by HER rules.

Visitation only when SHE said it was OK. Fine.

Then it was, "SHE is not allowed in my driveway" Fine, I parked on the street (my DH didn't have a license at the time)

Then it was, "YOU have to come to the DOOR to get them (to DH)" Fine, he did. She would make ALL sorts of excuses of why he needed to go inside. He didn't bite. If he would have, I would have been GONE.

Then it was, "SHE doesn't get to drive MY kids around." Fine, we swapped drivers a block away from her house.

Then it was, "SHE isn't allowed to sit in the car on the ROAD in front of my house!" & threatened to call the cops on me.

THAT'S when I called BULLSHIT. I said, "SHE does NOT own the ROAD! LET her call the damn cops! They'd get a good LAUGH at what a psycho she is!"

DON'T GIVE HER THE POWER. Give her an inch and she will take a mile and it STILL won't be enough!

This sounds like something

This sounds like something that BM would definitely say! Why are they so stupid?!? It's like they don't want your man but they don't want you to have them either-then they try to drag you down to ther level so you can live as miserably as they do.
This forum has really helped and this post has helped even more. I'm not alone!!!

Thanks for that! I didn't

Thanks for that! I didn't realize how bad that will make her look in court

Poor you! I have to tell you

Poor you! I have to tell you something though and I hope this is not being taken the wrong way.
When exhb and I got separated I dated another nice guy for a while and he dated also another lady.
Both of us (exhb and me) behaved weird towards the other ones partner and both of us got extremely defensive in regards of the children.
It is obvious that she sees you as a threat.
I don't want to defend this woman at all , especially because you haven't done anything wrong here!
But I think from my own experience it can be that it is not a personal thing but she is full of anger and fear after the separation.I was a mess after my divorce and so was exhb, it is normal to a certain extend even if you know that getting seperated was the right thing.
What I really want to say is, try to ignore her behaviour as much as you can and don't take it too personal, leave the conflicts to your partner and her.She is just a messed up being.Chances are (like in exhb and my case) that in a while emotions are settling down and things change.
I like exhb new girlfriend and he is also friendly to SO.

Wow you and I are living the

Wow you and I are living the same life. Only difference I don't give bm that power. I can almost guarantee that if you show up she won't say a word. These bm's are all talk. Don't let her run your life. Do what you want to do. She won't do anything to you. And if she does don't get confrontational but stand up for yourself in a calm gone chances are that will be the end of it. They like to talk big.

BM's (and being one I take

BM's (and being one I take this to heart) cannot dictate what is happening in their ex's lives and should not think in any way that they can. I personally would rather know someone else is wanting to CARE for my child and have them involved if they are interested. Maybe, I am comfortable in my children's hearts and know they will love me, even with someone else in their lives. The only time I see this problem (with exes making ridiculous demands) is when they are feeling threatened or replaced and has to do with feeling that way with the SO or spouse. You stand your ground and go to things that you want to be there for. She likely WILL try to stir garbage just to prove to herself she can still yank BF's chain regarding the child. Just be calm (him too), save texts, emails, messages and anything that shows her being difficult (keep responses to that also, so there is no question of what was said on you or BF's end). Some people will go through cycle's, as long as things are going well with them they wont argue but as soon as they feel like crap they start up again. Keep your head up and above all, you and BF communicate and back one another, do what is in the best interest of the child. If you plan on being together for the long haul work together on your role in this child's life. Don't let her craziness control it.

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