I have just ended a 2 yr relationship for pretty much the same reason. It isn't just the kid issues, it's watching how the other person handles them and trying to stay out of it, or not being listened to, or seeing that person in a different light that makes you say, "ew." I'm far from perfect. My kids fight one minute, and turn around and play peacefully for hours. But my kids are ahead of their age, his were BEHIND. And soooo many issues. I do not agree at ALL with you spanking the 8 yr old, but you did the right thing to end the relationship. It will go nowhere. And we broke up numerous times, too, until there was just nothing left anymore. I still love him, and we are best friends, but I don't want the drama in my life.

Time will heal you, and you will look back and be very happy and thankful you ended this relationship.

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but....I am dealing with adult skids. They are horrible to my DH and worse to me. Just nasty. Their mother cheers them on and encourages their hateful attitudes. However, I do not have to deal with them. I made it clear to my DH before we got engaged, and again before we married, that I will never live with his kids or support them (that is what they wanted and expected).

I love my DH. I adore him. HOWEVER, if I met him when the kids were younger, I would have run. According to my MIL and other family members, his kids acted the same way your ex's kids do. Today, as young adults, they are worse. There was no way I could have handled it. And, if my DH ever goes back on his promise not to support or house his kids, I will be gone. Being in love is one thing, but love is not enough if you are miserable or in an unhealthy situation.

You will be ok. You, and your kids deserve better. Your ex needs to get a handle on her kids, or she will never have a relationship, and she should not, until she gets things much much better.

You did the right thing.

I ended a two year relationship with a man that had a seven year old son. I had to break up with him as well because we were always getting into agruments over his son's behavior. I lost respect for him as a man who allowed his son to walk all over him.

You've made the right choice. If you weren't happy and you weren't even living together, just think how it would be if you were with her and the kids 24/7. She might have been a very good person otherwise, but the type of parent a person is an important part of their character. And if she didn't want to discipline her children she is only doing her children an injustice.

Give yourself time to heal. In time you'll find another girl who appreciates and respects you. Even if she has kids that doesn't have to be a dealbreaker. You just want someone who knows how to parent their kids.

The relationship was one plus (GF) and three minuses (the kids). Do the math.

Even your relationship with your GF would go downhill somewhat after marriage as most relationships do and adding three kids you can't stand and who can't stand you and will have no problem letting you know about it the situation was intolerable.

There's a good run-on sentence summing it all up.

And that's what you should do. RUN.

As much as you feel good around your GF and you feel like you miss her right now, being in a relationship with skids WILL make you not feel good around her. Your love for her will diminish when skids are in the mix until you begin to resent your GF. At that point, you will wonder how you could have ever missed her before!

You can either be in this relationship and painfully watch your love for GF diminish, or you can leave the relationship and wait for the missing her to diminish.

You made a good choice, in my opinion!

You did the right thing. I know where you are coming from. My husband and I were both previously divorced and brought kids to our relationship. We then got married and another child together. No matter how much we love each other, there are days I just want to run. Quite honestly, the only thing stopping me at this point is our youngest. I don't want her to grow up with divorced parents like her sisters. As much as I love my husband, the way his daughter treats me and my daughter treats him are downright horrible. We didn't have problems until they were older. So those who say things are sometimes better if the kids are young when you meet, think again. When you bring his crazy ex into the picture, well, there you have it. Somedays I count down to how much longer before crazy BM is no longer in the picture. But deep down I know that Crazy will always be a part of our lives, will forever manipulate and PAS SD and will forever call the shots. Despite the effort and the fairy tale version of we can be one big happy family and live happily ever after, I have yet to meet someone in our shoes whose life actually is that fairy tale. Focus on your kids right now. The right person will come along. Life is too short to spend your time being miserable.

Good for you ! I wish I had the foresight to leave too when Skids were young. I thought things would improve too and boy was I wrong. DH and I are on the verge of divorce because of adult SD and have been in the past. I am just soo tired and fed up, I can't deal with the stress anymore.

I joined this group about 8 weeks ago and vented some bio-mom issues (excessive child care duties when we pay her child support).... Well I have not been on the site for a while as the events in the house have taken a turn for the worst.
Bio-mom is not allowing SD to come over anymore and is willing to go to court to gain full custody,we havent seen SD in a couple weeks now and husbsand is beside himself...last time husband had a battle wither her it cost 10,000 in legal fees... MONEY WE DONT HAVE for another go-around in court.

Husbands parents talked to Bio-mom and their ex-daughter-in-law stated that as long as I'm in the house the child wont be coming over, the SD has stated to all the family that she adores me and likes to be around me but the bio-mother has firmly stated she has an "issue" with that...bio-mom has pullled this on my husband before long before I was in his life. We/grandparents have had SD 70% of the time....BUT, soon as I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT and the ex-wife got wind of it via SD, holy hell broke loose, and the 12 year old Skid upset over the pregnancy also but mad at her father not me it seems. I have done my research on "parental alienation" and it seems we have a clear case of that. Bio-mom is also banning all contact with grandparents (husbands parents)just to rub in the salt.

My husbsand and myself have been married a year, and the marriage started off LOADED with stress, moving, finacial, me adjusting to having a skid, me getting laid off work, and us/the family being at the beck and call of his ex-wife 5-6 days a week for child care...we havent had a week-end away or honeymoon yet, we hit the ground running from the get-go.... and we have been married a year...husband and I are exhausted.
This along with everything else has caused major stress in the marriage and it seems the bio-mom is making everyone choose between her child and me. Before I came along the ex-wife and skid were the center of the universe in this family, I think bio-mom is threatened that she no longer holds the #1 slot (golden uterus complex)

my husbsand and his ex-wife are fighting now, I'm feeling horrible, grandparents are devastated...its a big damn mess....the father/child relationship was real good now child seems to be turning her back on the dad now also.

To my relief (hate to say it) the pregnancy ended in miscarriage just resently, I was almost 7 weeks.
some days I want to call this marriage a day, my life was so calm and easy before...if I knew then what I know now...you know what I mean?

You did the right thing by breaking things off now. It would only get worse down the road.

Good luck to you and please let some time pass and some healing occur. Don't second guess your decision.

There are other women out there that don't come with this type of stress and baggage. You'll find someone worth your love.

Hugs

You absolutely did the right thing.

you did the right thing ! sounds like those kids are real monsters and you sound like you can't really deal with too much stress
so its good you run away from that horrible life you could have had with that poor woman who doesnt know how to take care of her kids, she needs help thats for sure
But you shouldnt suffer because she doesnt know how to educate those monsters
run away from that woman she is not good for you and your life will be a nightmare in that house, you will suffer and will be misrable all your life, run away from her, she is toxic, and love ? love is nothing...people fell inlove and then its over and they find someone else, like you will.
you sound like a nice serious guy that can lead a calm life with your kids that sound like they are all the opposite of her animals.
Your kids sounds like they got a real good education from you and they deserve a better life, they dont need to be influanced by those uneducated monsters
keep them far away from that woman and her familly
she didn know to educate her kids, she needs to hundle this by herself
so just stay away from her, you dont need her problems
she is bad for you and the whole enviroment is toxic and will ruin your life
Im sure she will have a lot of trouble finding a guy who will accept to put up with those animals she is raising
she needs to wake up and smell the roses !
and to understand how bad is the education she is giving her kids and that no one would like to be with that kind of woman
run away from her and dont look back !

You definitely did the right thing! If the skids were hard to deal with now, it would have only gotten worse after you moved in together when you had to see them every day and never got a break! You would have wished you had left (what I am going through now).

Good for you, you are a better person than I. I just married my hubby, who's the only parent of his autistic kid, ss9. I'm sure my kids are a pain in the ass to him, cuz I know his kid is a pain in the ass to me. I try hard to hide it, but I make sure I get to VENT IT here, and with my mom, and with a BFF who I know won't judge me. Makes it easier to deal with. If you have THAT much trouble dealing with those kids, best to bail out now...she's got THREE of em....i've only got one to deal with, thank God! Good luck!!

You did the right thing.Better to realize this now than later on!! Good luck to you.

I agree that you did the right thing! If I knew what I know now when I first started dating my SO I would have ran for the hills! Sadly things only get more complicated and if it's the the Skids its thier other parents! Go you, your a very strong person!

I this relationship does not work out, I will NEVER EVER date anyone who has kids...EVER again. If I had known how it was going to be from day one, I would have left running as fast as I can. Things do NOT get better, they only get worse and then you grow resentful and they get even worse.

Yes, You did the right thing...for HER !
seems like you did her a huge favour...to her and to her kids

First off,I'm sorry you hurt,in time all will get better,but yes you did the right thing!it hurts sure,but being a step parent.....its too much and honestly i would never ever ever do it again...stay strong,keep your chin up,everything will be ok.

You did the right thing. I have SD13 and she's awful. I hate loathe despise and detest her now. I can't stand her. When we started out I loved her. I found out it was all an act. It doesn't get any better. It only gets worse. 
 

I was like you. I thought my now husband was the mad God had for me. We were perfect. He's amazing. I love him, but I have a lot of resentment towards him and her. A lot. I have no trust for him because he's always doing and saying things behind my back with her. He has custody, but she no longer lives with us. We fight about her all the time though. None of the fights ever have a resolution so they are all bottled up. He's an amazing man, but he thinks she walks on water and I don't see any real discipline for her at all. I wish I could leave most days. I don't want to hurt the kids we share though and I couldn't financially do it. Please don't make the same mistake. I also carry guilt because she deserves to have a stepmom who can at least tolerate her. Walk away and never look back.