New Here - My Marriage may be over - need to Vent
Hello ~
I recently married the love of my life. We knew each other in High School, but we never really talked. After my divorce he sent me a message on FB and we ended up marrying this last April. Everything was wonderful before the marriage, but since then it has been hell when it comes to his kids did not standing up to his ex.
Well, last night I had HAD it. We went to the schools open house. We each have a 12 year old, he has a 16 year old and I have a 10 year old. Well, we have 3 of them for one open house.
I thought we could divide the classes up so we could go to at least a few for each child. His son & ex didn't want that. So what does MY husband do? He follows her around to each of his own sons classes and doesn't go with me or my children at all.
We got into a discussion in the 2 period where his son & my daughter have a class together. She gives me this grin, has her son add a chair, and he actually gets up and in front of all the other people and me and MY husband sits with his ex - not with me, his WIFE. That killed me!
When I saw her in the hall I let her have it. I told her to stop talking about my husband online, saying she can speak for him and he won't mind, saying how good looking he is. She has even told him to stand up for HER over me... AND she's the one who kicked him out & filed for divorce!
She has put her hand in my face when I've tried to speak and I have had it.
My husband called me a freak, packed his bag and didn't sleep at home last night. I don't know where he was - I don't think he would cheat on me, but I have been cheated on a LOT and so that is very difficult for me.
My heart is broken and I just don't know if I can get over this constant garbage with her and that my husband doesn't care. He's put his children above our marriage. I would never do that. I don't understand why we could compromise about the classes for the 3 kids.
Thanks for listening...
. Sorry your goingvthrough
:jawdrop: . Sorry your goingvthrough this. I hope he hasnt cheated.
THis is on your husband. He
THis is on your husband. He allows her to behave this way, by not setting any boundaries. I would seriously think about wanting him back. Sounds like he is still married or at least wants to be to her.
You will always be second. Him walking out last night was a big red flag that he didn't side with you.
I feel your pain. My SO is a
I feel your pain. My SO is a raging alcy who occasionally beats the sh*t outta me and chokes me out until my legs are weak and I can't stand. He snapped last night too over skids and BMs. He is leaving tomorrow to stay with his BM while his SD14 is in the hospital. I have concerns over that as well. I understand why you would worry he might cheat. Last night SO told me he had nothing here for him except me and why come back once he gets on plane. I don't know if he is even coming back. But last night he also told me how horrible I am and to f off and die slow. He calls me all types of names when he drinks. Hang in there. I wouldn't say it gets better, but from personal experience, eventually you start to go numb and get so stressed out you just shut down mentally. I can't tell you how badly I wanted him to leave last night, he could have went to BMs house, a friends house, don't care. I just wanted a mental break from the constant screaming---3 hrs of it late last night. I even wanted someone to show up just to at least give me a short intermission from his bs.
in other words, don't let
in other words, don't let yourself end up where I am at.
in other words, don't let
in other words, don't let yourself end up where I am at.
ONCEUPONATIME - I am so
ONCEUPONATIME - I am so sorry! You shouldn't be abused like that.
As for my post - I should clarify something - he has told her before that he's married and will not be standing up for her. he can't control her behavior or actions, but he has wanted me to stay out of it. I have until last night. It built up and I blew... The damage has been done & I'm not sure if there will be any mending to it. I hope so though.
She does, although, have him by the 'balls' as far as holding his kids over him. He is so afraid of her not letting him see his kids that he doesn't want to offend her.
I'm sure he didn't cheat on me - I'm just saying I have a huge insecurity with that due to the other people I've been with.
Also, in the 'discussion' I said, out of anger, do you know where your suitcase is? I didn't tell him to leave, but I shouldn't have said that either. My kids & I walked home while he stayed and went to classes with his son & his ex.
He should have compromised with me. I mean we are either uniting as a family or not. He seems to not be too keen on uniting. He says I always make it all about me ... It seems to me to be all about his son and what he (my husband) wants it to be like. Just really hurts...
I love him so much, but this part is the worst to deal with. He's at work and I'm not sure if he's planning on coming back home or not. When he's mad there's no communication or he's telling me how wrong I am for feeling the way I do.
Urrrr.
that's how i started. "when
that's how i started. "when he's mad there's no communication or he's telling me how wrong I am for feeling the way I do". In 12 months, I now can't be comfortable in my own home. The home I put blood, sweat, and tears into in order to get. Let me guess, all he wants to hear out of your mouth is an apology and even then the apology is never good enough because he had to ask for it instead of you just giving it or better yet not making the mistake in the first place. right? Do things go better when you are arguing if you just don't talk at all and just sit there? I can agree wiht SO about something when he is mad and he will still snap on me.
be careful if your hubby is
be careful if your hubby is that "tight" with BM like that. Sounds to me like she is making all the decisions for him. What happens she says...hey why don't we get back together. I know what I should be saying is to trust in each other and blah blah blah but the fact of the matter is...even your own shadow leaves you in the darkness.
My SO does that crap at skid
My SO does that crap at skid events too. Or I should say did that crap. But he was just following suit with MIL and FIL. They always go sit with EX and if he wanted to sit with his family he had to sit with BM and me and my BD had to sit alone.
I let him and his family know how that made me look and feel. Now he sits with me but MIL and FIL still sit with HER!
Maybe once he calms down you can speak calmly to him and try to make him see how that makes you look and feel. If that doesnt work then, I would say he is still part of "that" family and I would pack it in.
I went off on her very
I went off on her very quietly. I told her that stuff in almost a whisper. No one else heard. No one heard what my husband & I said to each other. They all saw him get up though and sit with her.
And - yes,, it still showed a lack of judgment on my part.
Oh and we had discussed it at home before we left. My expectation was that the plan would remain when we got there. His son started complaining about it and so my husband changed it.
For that ONE class that your
For that ONE class that your bio and his kid had together the skid should have sat with you and your H and your kid. And BM should have sucked it up. As for the rest of the classes. Dad should have been in with his kid for all his kids classes. Regardless of where you and your Bios were.
yes, all of them.
yes, all of them.
1). DH and I each have a son
1). DH and I each have a son the same age. They went to school together for years. DH always walked around with his son and BM. I would in no way expect him to go to my kids classes. They are not his kid and his kid was there. I don't understand why you expected him to go to your kids classes.
2) Now sitting with BM was bad on his part.
3) You jumping on BM at family night at the school was TERRIBLE!
You sound a bit young....?
I did NOT go off on her as in
I did NOT go off on her as in yelling. I was unclear about that. I would never do that to the kids. I walked up to her and told her in a calm and very low voice to stop doing that stuff. But just the fact that I said that to her was enough for my husband to get angry. I know where I stand with him & he really doesn't stand for me.
Yep - I know... It was pretty
Yep - I know... It was pretty bad having my husband move away from me in front of everyone Before that happened. I should have waited for sure EVEN if no one could hear me... But... paying for it now.
Thank you all for your comments - they have been very helpful.
If my husband publically
If my husband publically humiliated me and took his ex-wife's side I would leave him immediately. YOU should come first, even before the children. That doesn't mean he shouldn't care about his children, but you both should be at the center of the home. I would not tolerate a husband who is too cowardly to stand up to his overpowering EX-wife and a man who would leave you at home not telling you where he is. I think you should drop him like a hot rock and concentrate on yourself and your children since he can't be a man about things!
She is right. My marriage
She is right. My marriage counselor told my DH that I should come first and foremost even over the children. He looked gobsmacked because and had been putting his kids and his horsefaced exW before me for 7 years.
Your H is a coward OP. So is mine. It has made me fall out of love with him and lose respect.
I think you need to leave or do something dramatic so that he will be afraid to hurt you again or put her before you.
Sucks, for sure.