Your SO sounds a smidge delusional with a dash of unrealistic. All he can really expect of you is that you treat her kindly, don't let her play in the street, and respect her relationship with her dad.

Do any of these idiot dads ever expect the kid to love their partners like their own mom?? Seriously, you can't force love.

Sad how the kid you're carrying doesn't seem to count. What an asshat.

I don't think it's fair to say no stepparent loves their skids like their own .. I adore my skids and have great relationships with them. I don't think this should be the expectation though. It's nice, but it's not realistic in every situation. Your SO will need to learn to accept the fact that while you do care for the skid, you cannot love her as your own. Maybe get him some literature about blended families and stepparenting so he can see things from YOUR perspective.

And every other step-parent he knows is painting an awfully rosey picture that he is buying hook, line, and sinker.

love comes in all different forms is what you need to explain to SO. you care about her well being and will look out for her best interest and care for her and that is love!! (it is just not the same kind of love one feels for their biological children.) i would not say that part but explain that you do love in your own way.

Wow, sorry this is coming up when you are about to give birth to this man's child.

I wonder if he actually talks to other stepparents and, if he does, are they stepfathers? Because there really seems to be a difference between being an SM or an SF. SF's tend to have an easier time of it, for various reasons.

Honestly, I think one of the most successful tactics I've gleaned from here is not talking to him about my feelings. No parent really wants to hear that the person they love, the person who loves them back, is also the person who actually dislikes their child.

Love is not just a description of feelings. Love is also a verb, and that's the kind of love a lot of SM's muster up for the skids.

So, technically you do love her. You don't have the mushy love feelings but you treat her with love and respect. Maybe he'll understand that.

You know I think men do have an easier time. I honestly think my dh, who has been around my bios since they were 2 and 9 months (12 years now)loves them as his own. Truly. I dont notice alot of differentiation in the way he treats them from our dd who is 10. I have noticed some differences over the years in how he treats ss-but IDK that's a totally different issue as he didnt live with us, he's a loser-all kinds of different situations there.

Also, my kids bio dad is dead-so no crazy bf to deal with for him-it has allowed him to very easily step into the role of their father. I tried to love my ss as my own who was also 2 when we met-and the kid just didnt want it-loyalty issues with his bm and all that and he is satans spawn in addition so he doesnt really do well with love from anyone.

My dh also expected us to be like the Brady's and his constant pushing ss and I to be close and loving-I think freaked ss out to a certain degree. He pushed and pushed me in ss's face as his "mom" while ss already had a mom whom he loved and preferred, even if she was a POS. So this need to be a happy little family had some disastrous results for us-I've often wondered if my dh would have had a different perspective if things could have turned out differently.

The first time I was a fulltime stepmother to two young children, I did love them like my own, their Dad ensured that I was always respected and the kids where lovely, however he never expected me to love them, now the second time, my partner also does not expect me to love my Sd6, you cannot force love and to do so, will push you the other way, I think that if your husband had been more relaxed about this, you might be more likely to love her, he is an idiot, wah all the step parent I know love their skids, oh really? I think that is a lie to further force you to do as he wishes. It dos'nt make you a bad person in anyway that you don't love her, now your husband has decided to demand that you love her or you don't have a future, phew I would be so mad with him, I would say to him that it happens when it happens, forcing you will push you the other way, he needs to take a step back and chill out. I wonder how he would feel if the situation was reversed?

I would ask him if he would be OK with another man loving his son like his own. Another man making judgement calls over his son because, well, he loves him like his own.

If we DO love the S/kids it is for being themselves and not because we have to love them as parents. And in time you will have a special fondness for your SD. Truly you will. And it will be because she is around or far far away... }:)

I want to know my DH has my children's health and welfare at heart and is a kind person to them. Love them? Only when and if he is ready.

Ask your DH if he loves one of YOUR nieces or nephews as HIS OWN...or if he loves a bratty kid from the neighborhood as HIS OWN just because he is friends with the parents. He'll get it then.

PS - don't feel guilty, it is hardly ever accomplished, except when the BM is not really involved...

I love my stepsons like my own son as I raised them from the time they were toddlers. They have become my kids.

I don't think it is healthy for anyone to be in a relationship where you hate/dislike/can't tolerate/loathe your SO/DH kids. It is just not good for anyone involved. I can't imagine being married to someone who hated my son. That shit would never happen. Nor can I imagine being married to someone whose kids I couldn't stand to be around. It makes no sense, and life is too short.

You need to tell him you cant love her like your own because she is not YOUR DAUGHTER. Thats a selfish expectation. I tell my fdh that I respect his kids because they are his kids and when they are here, I will help him out and treat them with respect but guess what? THey go back home to their MOTHER.. Their biological mother! You may over time develop your own personal relationship with her but that needs to be in YOUR own time, not forced by him. You have already taken him on, accepting the fact he has a child with someone else, he should be grateful for that.

well i am the same way i dont know what to do its like i get all worked up and all when i know she is there, she drives me crazy her dad and mom treat her like a baby and i dont know what i should do half of me wants to tuffen her up but of couse that just makes her hate me more, and now all i want to do is hide in in my room please anyone have advise :jawdrop: :? }:) :sick:

Wait a sec......this goes BEYOND blended family issues. This guy is abusive. Period. His philosophy seems to be 'it's either my way or the highway'.

I mean, you said he calls you names, he is also physically abusive AND he sometimes calls HIS OWN daughter, whom he expects you to love like your own (note the irony), "a fuckin retard".

Seriously? This guy is abusive to you and even to his own daughter. It seems that there are a lot of "issues" in your relationship. He's already shown you his true colours. Now it's up to you to decide whether this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

These folks loving their Skids's as if they are their own must be some rare special breed as I've never heard of such a thing. I've sincerely cared for and enjoyed children of Men that I have dated and we've had good times. But did I love them the way I love my own daughter? No. If I had to save them or my child from some disaster, I'm going for my child first and I don't know any Parent who'd not do that.

I don't think your SO is being realistic to expect you to make yourself love his child as your own. You may love her as a child, as I love my stepson as a child, but I don't adore him, I don't love him as my own, I don't treat him bad nor do I go out of my way to treat him special. He's a child born into a situation that he didn't have any control over and I don't hold that against him. But he's not a likable kid- personality has been formed by a manipulative, arrogant and non-attentive mother. My DH knows I tolerate him but that I don't love him like my own (hell he's not even DH's own) and he's okay with that.

For your SO to threaten to leave you, when you have a child due by him is very nasty behavior. I don't know what that says about the future way he will treat your child together or YOU for that matter. Whatever the case ends up being, take care of yourself and your new baby even if it means doing it without him. Hugs.

How can anyone be forced to love someone just because you love someone they're related to?

Good. I am not the only evil sm in the world. I have tried and tried to bond with his kids. It's just not there. No matter what I try they always get an attitude and start pouting n acting up. Things my own kids would have been in serious trouble for, his get .... Honey stop that's it's not nice. And if I hear " well my mom says your not my boss" one more time! I keep my cool and remind them no, I'm not your mother but as long as your in our house I am your boss and I am the one who takes care of you like you were my children. I will correct you when needed and love u when needed. So get over it
My sis in law and I have decided to write a book. Raising stepkids and the ex without loosing your mind. We are thinking it will be funny as hell. And if it doesn't help. Well ya can knock the ex out with it. Lmao

Why on earth would you love her? You love her father, she is his baggage which you have to accept and respect but not love!

Don't discuss your feelings with your husband, he doesn't understand and there's no point going on about it. Focus on your child you are about to bring into the world and raise into the person you want.