Alienating Steppies
Is there any forums dealing with alienating your step-brats to the point that they won't come around? My husband's sons are in their late 20's and early 30's, when they were children we did our part in raising them but that's over with. I don't want to have to deal with them or my husband's grand-brats. I don't mind if my husband visits them or plays the dolting grandpa if he wants to but, I feel that as they are adults I did my part and I just want to be left alone to actually deal with our real family. My husband whines that his ex-wife is dead and he's all the boys have but that is not my problem, I mean I didn't kill her. So now I want to focus on our actual family and cut those adult step-brats out of my life, I also have to get my husband to accept that if anything happens to him, I have no intention of being there for his sons or grandchildren. I think there should be a forum for being a spouse and not wanting to be bothered by steppies.
you could always just not
}:) you could always just not answer the phone or door........we don't have this problem bc mine don't come over. My adult skids haven't been to my house in 4 yrs. no lie.
Just do and stick to your
Just do and stick to your guns! My husband and I have been together for 23 year, he had full custody of sons who are now 28 & 30, I raised husband's sons. I put up with so much hate and disrespect with a lack of support from husband, his family and bio mom did everything to work against us when she was in the picture. Several years ago a blow-out came between my daughters and the boys which devided the families in two, both families took sides. At that point I seperated myself from my in-laws as well as my SSs.
Of course, being one of those that likes to make it work and tries her best to get along, I felt guilty and tried again only to have the SSs and my husband's family treat me like dirt all over again. Younger boy tore into his dad and I telling us what horrible parents we had been, said we'd never know his daughter, just ugly. For me that was the end of the line, that was 2 years ago. I let my husband know I could not longer go the distance with him and his kids and family. I told him that I would not stand in the way of his relationship with them and I encouraged him to get things cleared up with his son.
A family reunion came along this past summer on husband's side, I was not informed til last minute and my daughters were not invited. I would have at least liked to known and I really felt it unfair that my daughters had not received an invitation. One of husband's sisters made a comment at the reunion that I was passive-aggressive, this was in connection to husband's counseling for being PA.....not somethig I decided, something our counselor decided and I am the one trying not to throw 23 years away. When she told husband that "if anyone is passive-aggressive it is your wife," I took sister-in-law off my FaceBook page and blocked her from being able to find me. I would love to take all my inlaws off but I know that was start WWIII eventhought they have no desire to have a relationship with me but oh well.
I say all that to tell you don't feel guilty, don't question what you are feeling and I hope you can help your husband understand that you simply do not want to be involved but are not holding him back from a relationship with them. I wasted many years to heartache and it did nothing for me but give me health issues.
Lie to husband. Tell him of
Lie to husband. Tell him of course you'd step in if something happened to him but meanwhile you need a break and its his duty to care for them.
"I suppose if you actually died I'd do what I can to help your children but for now I want to concentrate on our family".
This is great advise! I too
This is great advise! I too finally went to counseling to help me with my inlaws and the steps as well as with issues within my own bio family. I was able to see how dysfunctional the relationships had been, I saw the "dance" that played out among certain family members and I was able to see my part as someone who lack self-esteem and had trouble drawing proper boundary lines. Once I was able to see what was happening and that I had every right to feel what I was feeling, I realized I had to draw these boundaries to save my own sanity and it was the best thing I could ahve ever done.
This happened to me too. I
This happened to me too. I found a therapist who found similarities between my Mother and SD. She said both of them are narcissists. She said this is why SD's behavior bothered me. Both of them are only children, who have been entitled since birth. This means they are to be waited on hand and foot, and have no consideration for anyone else. My Sister recently went through two surgeries and radiation for breast cancer. After working all day and then going for treatment, my Mother expected her take her shopping even though my Mother has a car and can drive herself. When SD visited she had to be fully accommodated, did not lift a finger to pick up a dirty dish - even when I had a broken leg. I think when we are raised in a dysfunctional environment we bring people into our lives to resolve problems we had with our parents. It took a long time for me to come to this realization but the only toxic individual in my life at present is my Mother whom I deal with differently now.
I experienced the same thing.
I experienced the same thing. When I finally disengaged after years of trying too hard I lost tolerance for abusive toxic people or drama kings or queens.
No joke. I want those people
No joke. I want those people out of my life. My husband can visit with them and be the Daddy and Grandfather but as for me in my world they don't exist.
It is so empowering once you
It is so empowering once you know in yourself that you will no longer put up with toxic adult skids. Out of sight, out of mind.
Wow,, I actually have no
Wow,, :jawdrop: I actually have no words,, I do like dutch apple pie
Yeah, if I never saw my
Yeah, if I never saw my husband's grown kids again I'd not be shedding tears. They always treated me like I was the mistress who busted up their folks marriage when it was actually their mom who wanted the divorce and got it. I only speak to the son. He seems to be the only one of the two with a brain in his head as far as knowing how to be nice. Whether he is sincere I don't know but the vibe I get is that he is sincere.
I feel the same way. I spent
I feel the same way. I spent the past 17 years living my life around them and what my husband wants which is them. SS is now 18 and I have no relationship with him at all now that he's an adult. My SD comes around when she wants us to babysit her kid but that's it. Now that they are both grown, I don't feel the need to put on a fake smile and bend over and take anyone's crap. Now my step grand daughter treats me like I don't exist and she's only 2. I'm so tired of this but stick through this for my daughter.