From 21 until 31 I was a SM to a child SD from 6 until 16. She is now 18 and just graduated hs. I did the single mom thing for a year before I met SO. Now I have bd9, bs7, sd8, exh(bd) and exsd.
While I was with BD of my exsd I felt a lot of what I have heard on here. She used dad for money never really called him. She lived in another state, came during summer. I dreaded it. She would hang out with me sometimes, hide others. Never really spent time with my bios. I felt for my exh at the time. Time and situation sure changed that.
He conversations with her about her treatment of him and us seemed find at the time. But I realize something watching the crap he does to my kids. He is a crappy father. He trains his kids that he is only good for money. He makes them responsible for the relationship. Who is the parent here?? My 9 year old already knows he cares more about himself and what she thinks of him than he cares for who she is as a person.

I have a view that I never had before. Life for exsd must have sucked for the summer. She came to a house with a father that only cared about how he looked and how she treated him. If your 9 yr old doesn't call for a month and you don't call her.. How can you as the adult blame the child?? She came to see a reminder that he really doesn't care about anyone but himself. I had my bios and she didn't belong. I wish I could go back in time and make her feel more at ease. Her father just disowned her for her trying to get him to keep his word.

I think my point is now that I have to try to deal with him on separate homes I understand the frustration. He is $6000 in arrears. He tells my kids to be a jerk to my SO. He has made up lies. He has my kids thinking they have to make him happy as far as how much they like him. They feel truly responsible for dad. I know understand his 1stex.