I finally am typing a custody order for my son what do i include in it?

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So i finally left my step situation for good. My sons father hit me while my son was in my arms and that was enough for me.
So We are agreeing to work it out. I am writing a custody order that we can present to the mediator but don't want to leave anything out.
I have who gets custody. How medical decisions will be made because of our special needs son. What visitation schedule will be. Who transports. Who claims taxes. How we will communicate. No overnight visitors until in a relationship more than a year or married. i did holidays alternating every other holiday and every other year. He gets 2 weeks of the summer.
Don't know what else to put any suggestions would be helpful????

I feel like a year

I feel like a year stipulation for overnight visitors or any stipulation for that matter is a little overbearing and should not be included. Because its really none of your business who he sees and when he sees her. Sorry that may have sounded harsh but you need to keep your personal feelings out of the CO. CO's are put in place with the best interests of the child in mind. Judges and mediators dont typically care who mommy or daddy are sleeping with and when.

Plenty of people have a

Plenty of people have a stipulation to that effect in their court orders. The child has seen one relationship fail so just keep bringing in person after person and the child will think that is normal behavior. Its not about who they are sleeping with it is about setting a good example for the young impressionable child. But thanks for your advice.

hmm difference in opinion I

hmm difference in opinion I guess No offense meant I just think that it should be up to each parent on whether they want to be good influences or not, not up to the ex or whatnot.

I agree with you...not sure

I agree with you...not sure how seeing these "supposed" relationships or thinking they will happen over and over again are actually worse for the kid than the divorce itself...

yeah i understand what you

yeah i understand what you are saying seems overbearing. i might take that part out. He can sleep with who he wants. I just don't want my son to get use to someone then have them taken away to you know. And he is on a strict feeding schedule 24/7 so i was thinking along the lines also of me or ex being distracted until we get use to the situation. If that makes sense? But i don't want to seem like i'm being a bitch. It shows a lot that we are coming up with an agreement before mediation and i'm trying to put in as much detail as possible and cover every angle. I just want my son to be raised right with good morals and beliefs. But thanks i see how it seems controlling so i think i will take it out on second thought. I can always show him the way a relationship is suppose to be.

DH had he morality clause in

DH had he morality clause in his. Once married then the partner can be in the house overnight. Not before...We honored it and one of the few things she did as well. I like it...

Any other thoughts on what to

Any other thoughts on what to put in there? I think i covered it all but just wanted to make sure i'm not leaving anything important out.

Just a few ideas: I saw you

Just a few ideas: I saw you say your son was special needs so some of these might might not apply

School clothes/supplies/field trips (who pays what or is it included in base cs)

Extra Curriculars (who pays what or is it included in base cs)

Phone access to child while at other parents house

Medical Expenses, please ensure it includes dental and vision, believe it or not some judges state Medical Means just medical and that dental and vision are not part/parcel to medical.

School trips (again, who pays what or is it included in base CS)

If you wish to plan ahead and if your child will be capable: start planning for college, each parent must deposit $100 a month for the kids college. No, it wont pay it all. But it would give the kiddo some help when he hits the age. If the kid does not go to college: take the $ divide in half, each parent gets their money back plus whatever interest has accrued. (Nope, not a free hand out to the kid)

If your sons special needs will disable him past his 18th birday: see if your stbXH is willing to do one order for life: agree now to an amt, to increase 3% annually with the understanding that CS would continue for the duration of the childs life. No, I am not trying to say hook the man for life: merely if he is still dependant due to special needs at 18 you will already have to spend $ for a guardianship appointment: save yourself and your XH some cash when he turns 18 by you and stbXH setting up for future care now.

If the child will be able to drive: set up for car/insurance get it stated that the kid is responsible for buying his own car/ insurance. If a parent wants to help him: fine but no legal responsibility exists.

You might want to address "school" itself as well. Not sure what your financial situation is but you might have a clause in there that all amts are based on the child going to public school that if a parent enrolls the child in private school it is on that parents dime, unless a medical doctor states a specific (special needs) private school is required.

I put in for extra curricular

I put in for extra curricular activites/equipment be split 50/50 and medical expenses split 50/50. Those overnight stays in the hospital get rather expensive. I already have a college fund set up for my son. I deposit into it once a month so whatever is left over from child support will go into the account. His special needs won't be a problem when he is an adult as long as he learns how to manage his disorder. The schools around my area are really good so i was thinking public school anyway and just having a 504 plan in place. Thanks for your input.

Orthodontics is a great idea!

Orthodontics is a great idea! And make sure it says regardless if the need is cosmetic.

No one other than the Bio's

No one other than the Bio's can be called mom or dad. DH had that and that has served him well with the Stepfather. Also, all education decisions had to be informed to both parties, but custodial, made the final decision. No college education mandated. You never know about how the child will be as an adult. Trust me, we never thought we would give up custody of SD16 and since she won't live with us, I don't think we should help with education....

His special needs will need to be specified after 18, how you expect him to contribute. Also, there has to be some requirements for your child as well, if he is capable.

If there is joint legal

If there is joint legal custody I don't think the custodial can always make the final decision. If so, it defeats the entire purpose of coparenting.

It is used if they can't

It is used if they can't agree...That person has the final say.

One additional thought: DH

One additional thought: DH and I did this, we dated for 4 months before we met each others kids. BM tends to introduce the kids to every guy she dates. Soon as she can sucker the guy to the house while the skids are there they get the introduction which has led to the kids growing attached, then poof gone. (Likely part of the reason they think I am disposable and they can get rid of me.)

You might have a clause that states how long each of you has to be in a relationship (4,6 8 months) before the child is introduced to the new bf/gf. DH wishes he had put that in his.

I would suggest something in

I would suggest something in the order about life insurance for the child and parents. You would need BD to have life insurance on himself, listing child as beneficiary just in case something happens to dad. This secures some assiatance for you if Child support is gone. Also for you the same. Life insurance is a must for everone in the family. The issue needs addressed on who will pay for it.