Desperate
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Please help me.. I have a 15 yr old stepdaughter who lives with us. She lies constantly and then when is not allowed to go out bc we can't trust her. I am always the evil one. I have tried everything! And she is my husbands only girl so she tends to get her way. She tells him it's all me and now he is at the point to where he says if he has to he will choose her over myself and our children together. Bc he can't see her sad any longer. I haven't worked in 6 years and to be honest he is the love of my life and he says the same. She is tearing us apart.. Please help I'm desperate. Btw she has no relationship w her mom bc of same behavior. And refuses counseling.
The problem is not the girl.
The problem is not the girl. It's the father. HE needs to tell her no and you shouldn't be dealing with her at all. He needs to grow a spine, especially if he doesn't want to lose you. Weak men are the pits.
^ this exactly. I am with one
^ this exactly. I am with one of those weak men......
Yes he is the problem. My SD
Yes he is the problem. My SD is 15 and she lives with us. She tried to turn him against me from the beginning. Luckily he saw right thru her and put her in her place. He told her that if she does anything to make me leave, he will send her to live with her mother! She was 10 at the time.
She is still an entitled, spoiled brat but DH and I usually stand together as a united front and she loses. He does not let her get away with her crap for the most part and if he did let her get away with it our marriage would probably be over as she would be ruling the house.
While there is not enough
While there is not enough information to Understand the entire situation...
I agree... DH/Bio Dad doesn't seem to be making a solid choice here...
Teenagers are Moody, selfish, lazy, and born to lie....
And if you FEED these behaviors IT ONLY GETS WORSE...
You both have to be on a UNITED front...
If my SD's lie to me... they know... Punishment is DOUBLED...
And Bio Mom stands behind everything I say...
AS I STAND behind everything she says...
I tell them there is no reason to lie to us... The truth is always better.
Remember one thing about lies...
People lie because they are afraid of "something" if you know what that something is...
Actually knowing/anticipating what they are afraid of can help eleviate the lying.
You can be better prepared for the discussion, and GET the truth...
Also,I Punish for LYING First... then the other issues...
I tell my girls SD18 & SD15
I would rather them tell us "THE BRUTAL TRUTH" about anything.
Without REPERCUSSION...(Grades, Chores , Alcohol, Sex, troubled friends, fights)
So I know what I am Really dealing with...
I tell them act like an adult and tell me the truth,
and we can have an ADULT, straight forward discussion about it, the end result may not be 100% what they want... but...
at least they feel better YOU could HANDLE the real situation...
and they know it will be LESS than if they LIED (or didn't tell you the WHOLE story) to you about it.
CAUSE
IF they LIE, about it... it's GOT to be WORSE for them... ALWAYS WORSE...
I outline what I would have done,if they hadn't lied vs. what they are getting.
Mine SD18 use to lie quite a bit ... Not so much anymore(I still test her, Its a very hard habit to break) I have been at it about a year,
BUT based on our converstaions...
I have greater faith I know she TRUSTS us to tell us the TRUTH MORE...
BUT... Bio MOM STANDS WITH ME... YOU NEED HIM to realize... "Lying" is NOT GOOD...
If she lies all the time about simple things, like not getting stuff done...
The BIG things are going to be 100% worse...
Good luck...
Without your husbands backing
Without your husbands backing you're doomed although to be frank I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish with the girl.
Are you trying to make one big happy family? Forget about it.
Are you trying to save the girls from the error of her ways? Forget about it.
Are you tryin to show Daddy what the girls needs to become a useful adult in society? Forget about it.
Read this in its entirety and give it a shot:
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Obviously, Orange County and
Obviously,
Orange County and I have completely opposite opinions...
And I RESPECT his opinion...
but to be clear... about our differing opinions/methods..
and I think he will agree with me on this...
You are either ALL IN... or you are ALL OUT...
There will be pain either way...
With the "all out" method you stand by and watch as someone makes horrible mistakes...
While "ALL IN" is a tremendous amount of work & investment with the constant "FEAR" it won't pay off in the long run...
BUT you can only pick one method... You must be consistent, or you will create confusion in the child.
BUT, without your Husbands support... "ALL OUT" may be your only choice...
OK the first thing here is
OK the first thing here is that the YOUR relationship should come before the daughter you need to both show her a united front and back each other up in my opinion you should be able to tell her off as the thing with teens is they like to manipulate any situation that they can I don't believe in disengaging completely but too a point and in extreme cases it may be needed.
You and your partner need to talk things over tell him what you expect from tell him how you feel your a step parent and in her eyes your the outsider coming between her and her dad i would recommend reading step monster http://wednesdaymartin.com/ this should shed a bit of light and may help you a bit it has me to an extent.