Mentally Disengaging
I am finding it increasingly harder to keep my mouth shut when it comes to the stupid things my bf does pertaining to his kids. I am avoiding practically all contact with them (we don't live together), but he still feels the need to tell me stuff, because it's only natural. But it's getting to the point that EVERY.SINGLE.TIME he talks about them or what he did with them, or how he handled this or that...I just want to scream, "YOU'RE A DUMB F*CK!" I'm pretty sure this comes from holding in so much and it just building up. I can let it go within a few minutes, but the next time something else comes up, it's bigger and bigger until I think I might explode.
I know you sparents who actually have the kids living with you have mastered the art of disengaging, because your survival depends on it. Do you have some Jedi mind tricks that you use on yourself? Do you envision clowns dancing in your heads? Do you count backwards from 100? Or do you just not freaking care enough for it to bother you anymore?
How to I keep from exploding?
It took me a long time to
It took me a long time to learn how to bite my tongue and not care. The reality is that you want to be right and tell him he's wrong. Once you realize that isn't important, you stop.
You are right! BUT there's no point in him knowing that. even though its for the betterment of the children, your opinion and your way isn't going to matter. Ultimately, he and BM are the parents and those kids are screwed either way.
When SO starts to tell me more drama about SD16 I listen (usually think about something else while pretending) then I empathize like I've listened "oh how frustrating" then I change the subject or go do something else. It takes a really long time to emotionally detach. Once I realized I had a weakness of needing to be right, I was able to do better.
Yes, you are right. I can see
Yes, you are right. I can see into the future somewhat and see 3 kids royally screwed up, haunting MY future with bf. The more time that goes by and the stupider he gets, the more I see this will NEVER be over. So I feel like I have a stake in it, but just need to stop caring and let him and bm do their screwing up and hope for the best!
YES YES YES!!! EXACTLY. My bf
YES YES YES!!! EXACTLY. My bf says he fights so hard for the kids...but I see everything and I *know* what he's doing. He's doing juuuuuussssst enough to act like he cares but without "winning." So I'm done with that drama. I actually told him I would loan him money for a decent attorney bc his last one SUCKED. THEN...I found out that he has been saving money for each of his kids' bdays and had HUNDREDS of dollars saved up for the most recent bday. He took all 3 kids to NUMEROUS places, expensive places, all in one wknd. It was INSANE. He probably spent every dollar. So if he ever needs money for an attorney, I won't have it. I'm not going to NOT spoil the snot out of my kids, and then hand over money to him so he can spoil his kids and then waste it on an attorney bc he can't co-parent with the bm. To be honest, I don't care what happens anymore. I don't even want to hear about it. But I totally know exactly what you mean. It's so easy to see the big picture from the outside.