for me, bm and cs have and never have had anything to do with it. i don't like sd19 because of her personality, her attitude, her behavior, and how she has treated me. it would take me a week to list every reason she has given me to not like her.

she has accused me of stealing her dad from her and changing him (untrue), she has taken my things without asking, when she was living here, she was very lazy, never picked up after herself, never helped out around the house, never followed rules, skipped school all the time, was very mouthy and tried to show off for her bf and friends by being very rude and cocky to me, she has always acted like i owe her something. she thinks she can be nasty to me, but i should love her like she's my own.

and the biggest reason why i hate her and will never so much as sort of like her, is because when i was pregnant 3 years ago, she threw a fit and made it all about all the things she wasn't gonna get now. things that she was never going to get anyway, like a car and a college education on our dime. when i miscarried, she kept asking fdh why i was crying, never said a word to me, and when he told her, she sat in the back seat and giggled and fucked off with her bf while i was in front bleeding and sobbing. she was happy and didn't even try to hide it.

now she is pregnant. she tells me i should be over it (she never even apologized) and tells me i should want to help her and be there for her and it's not healthy for her or fdh for me to "shut her out". KISS MY ASS, BITCH. i don't owe her a mother. and i don't care how she feels about a damn thing. why should i? what matters to me is what is healthy for ME and MY kids, not what she WANTS.

I don't like my SK's because of the people they are -- meaning their personalities. I care about them because they are people and because they are my DH's children. But they have taken it upon themselves to alienate me in my own home at every turn.

Do I think they learned this all on their own? No. Because the BM behaves in the very same manner towards me. *shrug*

I don't care that my DH has a "past" -- because hey, I have 2 kids, I too have a past. What I don't like is the constant reminder that the BM and the Skids want to keep the past alive in the present.

Are you writing a book or something? Soooo many questions...

In my case, the kids are tolerable. BM is psycho and she does cause problems whenever possible. But the real issue is the parenting. Now, if I lived with my bf or we were married, I would bet I would not be calling the kids "tolerable" right now. I don't even consider myself a stepmom (I was once), but I'm here because I've got the same issues that stepmoms have. Such as...

The world stopping when skids come around
Giving the skids everything they want
Going, doing, entertaining the skids on weekends
Expectations that everyone will love skids (and agree how "cute" they are) as much as biodad
Trying to disengage, but it's MY house they are trashing!
The coddling...the whining...the "making their world perfect because their parents are divorced" crap

I know there are many worse issues here regarding skids' behavior, but in my experience there is nothing worse than a biodad who doesn't accept disengaging. It feels like being held hostage. And the torture is someone forcing their kids on you.

wondering why you ask? I like my sd10 now, but at first it was rough b/c it felt like she was intruder on my new marriage. And also between her BMs influence, and her paternal grandmothers influence who spent a ton of time w/ her bc dh had to work, my sd was honestly a bit on the wierd/unpleasant side when i met her. she was not like any other child i knew--did not really CARE about anything, didnt play w/ toys, had no friends, liked to consider herself on equal footing w/ grown ups etc, kinda arrogant but oddly insecure at the same time among other things. I dont say that to badmouth her b/c i really have learned to love her but that is how she was. She's still kinda different child in my opinion but i do love her. so it was like this little person in my marriage that i wished wasnt there. The things dh fought about our first year of marriage were almost 100% related to her. for awhile i was mad at her exsistence and attorney bills, etc etc but then of course i grew up and realized she had no say so in being born, she just was and that's not her fault. honestly, i eventually got pissed at dh and took my anger out on him instead of her (which is more appropraite) b/c he is the one who knocked up bm, got married, got divorced incurred all this debt as result, etc. Kinda like once i really verbalized being pissed at DH, it freed me from blaming sd and also let me move on w dh. as for not likeing BM, i honestly dont consider her enough to even dislike her. I'm indifferent to her from most standpoints, but as someone who has worked in foster care for years, i can honestly and pretty unemotionally say she is among the worst parents I've ever seen from an emotional manipulation/parentifying kids, etc point of view. her attempts to drag us into her drama are amusing at this point and we truly are at a point where dh and i are freed from her drama-not to say it doesnt effect us in some way b/c it obviously does, but as far as stewing in hatred for her, or letting her lies get to us or make us feel threatened in any way-nope. we know the truth and we know and believe that truth wins out. she calls me names, lies about me, goads sd into making up crap or wahtever, but she doesnt bother me. I dont allow her that much control in my life. she can do what she wants but me and my family we know where our peace comes from.

She's a mini-version of her mother and represents everything I think is wrong with society - entitled, refuses to take responsibility for her behavior, lazy, condescending, and generally self-absorbed.