u are not being unreasonable. that little snot should have apologized. and not cause daddy said so.

i hate skids...waste of space.

Obviously this situation was a deal breaker for you.

Now others may advise very differently from me, but when I was in a situation whereby I thought I deserved an apology my DH didnt think it was necessary. My skid had accused me of physically harming him, then admitted it was a lie after BM threatened me.

That is something which STILL rankles because I was ALWAYS brought up that when a child is deliberately rude to an adult, lies about an adult or hurts an adult they apologise and are punished. I remember one occasion when I was cheeky to a teacher and when my mother found out she dragged me over and made me apologise, then she put me to bed early. No negotiation.

Your skid is STILL being rude and ignorant by passive aggressively humming that song. Does your SO know he is doing this?! Honestly, I do think a parent needs to be the one who disciplines their child however I can tell you something I learnt, and that is if I am good enough to support my partner's child, sacrifice my time, energy and happiness to make my DH and his kid happy then they also get to live by MY rules too. Its not a frigging dictatorship.

Your SO doesnt think skid needs to make an apology? Ok, dont argue over it but you know that breakfast you made for said skid? Take it off of him and then completely and utterly disengage. Ignore the child. SO doesnt like it? Tough. He decided his own action and ignored your wishes, his choice. Your choice is to stop doing nice things for skid until he treats you with respect, you have EVERY right to decide how you want to react and behave towards this rude child.

Some people may think this harsh, but I honestly think sometimes many of us stepparents pussy foot round these children to our own expense. If YOU dont SHOW others how you wish to be treated then they wont get it, you set the bar.

I know when I was rude to both my mother and maternal grandmother they would cease doing nice things and engaging with me until I learnt how to behave, consider others. Its a sensible lesson for kids to learn that there IS consequences for their continued misbehaviour, regardless whether they guilty daddies deem it appropriate. Its not, neither do you think so otherwise you wouldnt have mentioned it.

I would also tell skid " You were rude to me sunday ALL day, even after I made you that yummy breakfast so skid, until you learn to treat me nicely and with respect I will not be doing nice things for you anymore. Nadda. Nothing." then walk away. I would expect an apology AND a change in behaviour for me to reengage.

I don't think its unreasonable to get an apology. It has to do with respect. Courtesy and respect go hand in hand.
Ask him to put himself in your shoes. Wouldn't he feel the same?

So now you as the adult, say something nasty to your DH and then wait for him to ask YOU for an apology. Then tell him that you spoke with your pastor/priest, etc...and he spoke to YOU about it and he said you didn't really need to apologize. }:)

Leave. Yes they win but when their father is miserable b/c you left HE might figure out how to parent his brats in order to get a woman for himself. Sometimes I think us step parents are like sitting ducks for these brats b/c we are in love with their parent. They think we are out of control in love so we'll take anything to keep the peace. Or something like that anyhow. It might have come out wrong. I am feeling like my ss18 knows this and is purposefully rude to me b/c he CAN be. Your skids CAN be rude b/c you are a captive audiance to their bratiness. Either walk away or ignore, or like foxy said, dish it right back at em. Gosh darn it, I hate brats. lol

Ohhh apologies is a very sore subject with me. I get that the SKids are sociopaths, just like their mother, and feel no remorse so I do not expect any from them. I disengaged!

OH! I would take this "I hate you thing" and run with it. I would tell SS and SO that you don't cook for people that hate you, you don't do laundry for people that hate you, you don't take people that hate you to the movies, or park or where ever. HOWEVER, after and apology you would be willing to think about letting that person back into your life, but there is no room in your world for people that hate you!

I would reconsider this if you are not married. He didn't back you up and demand that you be treated better. I wish I could turn back but, we are married.

Hmm, when daddy isn't around I'd hum that little song right back. no actually I'd sing the words. And no, I wouldn't be doing anything for the little snot anymore either. When DH asked me to, I'd just say you do it I'm busy.

You hit the nail on the head, things may be way better for you single if you think the resentment will just continue building. Good luck to you and you children!

My freaky ss14 was singing a made up song this weekend. I had put a clean sheet of his in his room when I was doing laundry. Normally, he shuts his door-so I had opened it, literally threw the sheet in, and closed the door-guess I didnt close it all the way. He went back there later and could tell someone opened his door. So he starts singing, "Oh, you better stay out of my room, I'm going to get mad if you keep going in my room, blah, blah, blah" Might I add, I was the only individual in the area so this was not directed at anyone else.

I told him, I opened his freaking door to throw his clean laundry in there and if he doesnt knock it off now the next time it will go in the trash. His response? "I was just kidding"

I agree-that us stepparents let these kids get away with too much. I've been guilty of this-in fact saw it as part of my disengagement. Which was the wrong way to look at it. I am disengaged in the sense that I dont care if he likes me and have no expectations of that ever happening-however, I am not going to do something for someone then have them be a smart ass to me without saying something.

Well you're deep in it now. Two kids and a matching newborn.

Obviously you need to disengage from these kids. No more cooking etc. as others have said. Dad does all the work.

Dad is stuck - too heavy a hand and he'll hear the dreaded words "I don't want to visit you anymore". It's a very real possibility and devistating when uttered.

What he needs to understand is that his job is to raise good citizens and if that means they pull away for a few years then so be it. There are consequences for what you do and they'll come regardless of what you threaten (or actually carry out) kid.

Go to Amazon.com (or bookstore) and get a book on being a non-custodial parent - preferably written towards fathers and give it to him. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keyw...