She is very entitled. That is the root problem that seeps out in all of her attitude and behavior. She thinks we HAVE to do what she wants and be nice to her just because she exists. She thinks she can behave however she wants without consequence because, well, because she it the almighty SD. Because of this entitlement, I don't like her even when she is being reasonable.

DH.

DH is my root problem. He is a lazy parent, wants his kids to behave like mine but wants me to produce results on his terms which is be a lazy parent.

DH doesn't stand up to BM and the skids abuse this which in turn causes resentment on my side watching the kids abuse DH.

DH doesn't punish and if he delivers a punishment, he never follows it up therefore its worse than actually not doing anything.

DH excludes me from the goings on of the 2 children in my home 50% of the time which has taught the skids its ok to exclude me and keep secrets of things that ultimately effect me too like appointments, schedule changes, poor grades (if they flunk, they will never leave so it does effect me).

DH allows his children to direspect him which again builds resentment in me towards his kids (even if misplaced this is how it works) because I love DH and hate seeing him hurt over and over and over.

DH allows BM to control him - this is his doing - yes she is a controllig bitch but he allows it.

DHs kids attitudes, their actions are a result of shitty parenting which results in chaos in our marriage.

The ROOT cause is DH.

The root of the problem is within dh and his bio family from 1st marriage. My dh blames EVERYBODY for his failed daughter's life accept himself. From his pampering, giving in to her, paying her bills and so on and so forth. Who is he kidding-just himself. I used to play those type of games with her but I caught wise to her.

Sometimes he just won't let her GROW UP and let her stand up on her own 2 feet. I tell that to my dh and he is in DENIAL & GUILT. She FAILED him miserably. He just doesn't get it. What is it going to take. Like they say misery loves company. My dh's bio rarely complimented me WHY because she is jealous. I totally give up on her and my dh's secrets. This it is so childish. They both need to grow up...

Now that he has some health issues is she around NO. But who is? his dw.

The root problem for me is that my adult skids are unable to accept that their father moved on with his life and that his life does not revolve around them and their mother. They also are not able to accept that his remarriage was an opportunity for him to have the family life that he didn't have the first time around. Instead of being happy for him and his new family, they want him to live in the past like they do and be miserable.

If a grown up man tells me that the purpose of his parenting means to" spoil his daughter",this is the root of all problems.It lead in the past to huge problems with his child thinking she is an entitled princess.
I firmly believe that it is rarely the childs fault, but what the adult allows the child to get away with on a daily base.
I admit that my SO has been improved hugely since speaking those words ....maybe my face expression told him something.geez.
And....because she is treated mostly (though not always) like a child and not a princess, SD is allowed to grow slowly into a likable sweet girl.(mostly as well, hahahah)

i think the root problem is that sd liked being the only person fdh had to focus his attention on when she was around for so long. he was single for 4 years before me, she was 8-12. so in her mind, i stole him and all his love. hey, it's her problem, not mine.

DH is the root problem. Although he has "manned up" a lot. He still has a long, long, long loooooooong way to go.

The fact that he will not stand up to BM both amazes me and pisses me off. He's so afraid of her, he won't even challenge her - even when he should. I mean that there are some very, very important things that he should be challenging BM on or engaging her over, yet he won't. He's terrified of her. I don't get it and I lose respect for him in those moments.

Root Problem:

My DH is a flip flopping, child appeasing, candy assed, conflict avoiding, spineless, ball-less, guilt ridden disney dad who can't stick to his word when enforcing ANY THING.

How can one expect the kids to tow the line, when the freaking parent can't hold a f*cking boundary in place for more than 24 hours.

Yes, I am a little bitter this evening.

A lack of manners and respect, though this is bm's fault, plus Daddy needs to grow some balls.

I don't think there is ONE root cause of the problem - there are many. This article on the dynamics of stepfamilies describes most of them very well: http://www.stepfamily.org/dynamics.html

My root problem is DH. If he would refuse to allow the disrespect, that would go a long way toward improving the relationship between SD19. But he allows and even encourages it, so there is no chance in hell SD19 and I will be anything but reluctant acquaintances.