Full Time Stepmom & Mother's Day
We’ve been making plans for Mother's Day, but I’m not sure what to do with my SS(11) and what’s normal in this type of situation. This is the first year we’ve had him on Mother's Day. His BM has moved to another country. My biokids are 3 1/2 and 9 mos and I want to spend Mother's Day with them and my mom.
My sister and I were planning on taking our mom out to dinner with our kids and hubbies. Do I bring SS? I hate doing that since he causes so many problems and there would be only toddlers and babies there.
But I don’t want my DH to have to stay home with SS. It’s sad how often I do things with our biokids and DH is off with SS. I feel like my kids are missing out on having 2 parents and doing things with their dad.
I'm afraid SS is going to be uncomfortable celebrating Mother's Day with me and my family. I know that sounds selfish but I don’t want SS there either. I want to have a special day with my kids. But will that make me seem horrible?
I know he misses his mom and I don't want to flaunt having a day with my kids and having him reminded him he can't have time with his mom. I don't want to be insensitive to him but it's his BM's fault she isn't with him and I resent that I have to make sacrifies just to not upset him.
Personally I would not
Personally I would not exclude him. My stepkids are with their mom on Mother's Day but if this ever happened I would celebrate with them just like I do my own.
If you want your DH there then you need to accept the stepkid because he is part of your family now and should be treated just as equally as you treat the other two.
Maybe you can make the dinner
Maybe you can make the dinner just girls? or just moms and kids (if it was that case I don't think you should feel obligated to bring SS along)? I think it also depends on how it is normally at your house and what you guys feel comfortable with. If SS usually goes along to everything, then I think it might be awkward not to bring him. But if its usually just you and your kids then SS will probably come to expect it anyways.
Pretty much uncomfortable is
Pretty much uncomfortable is normal. If SS is there, he causes problems. We didn't take him last weekend to my brother's wedding and that's what I'd rather do.
His therapist has been wanting us to work on including him more in family activities to help him feel like he belngs so excluding him won't be what she would recommend, but I don't know how much more awkward it will be for him to be there with my family. He has a habit of wandering off if we take our eyes off of him.
We will be having SO's kids
We will be having SO's kids on Mother's day (don't get me started on this one) I plan to have breakfast with my mom stop by my dads with flowers for my SM and do it all with my bios. If SO wants to come and bring his kids he can, but I'm not mom I've known them just under a year, and we won't all fit in my car. I don't them to feel like they have to do Mother's day stuff for me and they are young enough to be confused by their mom not wanting them (and I explained to SO that he will make sure they know he asked her if she wanted them and she said no I will NOT have her trying to say we wouldn't let her have them as through the family grape vine that is her plan) I told him to call her in the am and have them wish her a Happy MD (pos she is anyway)and I won't have him try and get them to do mother's day stuff for me unless they initiate it. I hated it when my dad did it to me over my SM. So it will be interesting for us. Do what feels right for you it is Your day.
I agree, perhaps feeling
I agree, perhaps feeling different to the bio kids and feeling excluded makes his behavior worse, whose would'nt?
I think you would be better
I think you would be better off including ss and trying to make the best of things, I used to feel resentful that I had to make an effort or change my plans, now my sd knows that I love her and include her she is much better behaved now. Before she used to pinch me, spit in my face and trip me up.
He probably won't be
He probably won't be uncomfortable at all. You take care of him and it would probably be more hurtful for you not to include him. Have him call BM but celebrate with you and your family.
I do not make a big issue out
I do not make a big issue out of mother's day really, The Skids were 16 and 10 (twins) when they came into my life along with DH. They have their own mothers and they do not do a thing for them so I expect nothing from them. DH and I honor our moms with gifts but we do not go overboard. DH sometimes takes me for a meal, just him and I, on occasions like mother's day or anniversary etc.
I agree with another poster that you should include SS if you are going to celebrate, if not then you are only setting yourself up for resentments and ill feelings from him, not to mention DH might not be happy at one or both of them being excluded?
Ok...I am confused . I have
Ok...I am confused . I have only been on this site a few days and have heard so many people talking about 'disengaging' and am wondering why this situation would be any different. My full time, live in my home, 12 yr old SS is a pain in the butt. On the occasions he has been with my family at dinner without his dad, he acts like it's a major inconvenience for him to be there and everyone else feels uncomfortable . This weekend is his mothers weekend but she has decided not to get him. My boyfriend has to work and assumes it's my job to keep the child . I told him I already had plans with my family . The kids doesnt want to listen to me and would rather disrupt everyone else so why should our mothers day be ruined? Turns out his father made arrangements for him to spend the day with his grandmother . My boyfriend is irritated with me but i feel like, if he can't make his kid respect me then why should I have to go out of my way to be around him?
Well, I tried to talk to SS
Well, I tried to talk to SS about it today, but all I got was his usual response- ignoring me, acting as if he couldn't hear me and walking away. I give up.
DH hasn't taken out SS to get anything for his BM for Mother's Day and it's too late now especially to send something overseas. SS is well aware of both of his parent's attitudes towards each other so I doubt he'd ask his dad to take him. SS never sent DH anything for Father's Day when living with his mom, so DH doesn't want to even bring it up.
This is all so unconfortable. I think I'm just going to call the babysitter and see if she's available on Sunday.