I got an email one of SD22's friends saying that I treat SD22 like dirt, so I emailed SD22 rather than respond to her twitty little friend I wrote to SD 22. Here is my letter:

Dear SD22:

Your friend, L, sent me an email a while back and informed me that I've treated you like dirt, and since then I have been racking my brain trying to understand what in the world I have done over the last six years to treat you like dirt. I was going to write *L*, but then I figured *L* would then say something to you, and it would just turn into a huge mess in the re-translation and figured I would write you myself. I have gone over and over in my head over all of the things that have gone on between you and I over the last six years, and I truly am at a loss as to how I have treated you like dirt.

Was it when you were in boot camp and i wrote you long letters and sent you care packages? Was it when I found out you were pregnant and I went to you with open arms and embraced you and told you it was going to be okay, and we would get through this together? Was it when I told you that a baby is always a blessing? Was it when I filled out all of the paperwork for you so that you would have medical insurance for you and the baby? I filled it all out and you had to do nothing. Was that when I treated you like dirt? Or was it when you were living with us, and I would see that you were running out of stuff and I would buy you your face wash or whatever item that you needed? Was it the time that you were stranded in *S* after you locked your keys in your car and I drove clear out there with your extra set, and then took you and SD17 for an ice cream cone and then treated you to a sandwich also?

Or maybe it was when I bought you the really nice, very expensive car seat that also doubles as your stroller for baby? Or the nice bouncy chair that i also got for baby? or the great deal that i found through a friend for the crib that you got at dirt price for a brand new crib for baby? Was that when I treated you like dirt? Did I treat you like dirt when I went and watched you get sworn into the National Guard -- drove down to *F* to watch the ceremony for that? Was it then?

Or was it when you had no place else to go and we let you move in yet again into our home, even after you had called me horrible names and treated me terribly and I welcomed you back in with open arms, only to be treated with open contempt and hostility as soon as you were back in the home? Was that when I treated you like dirt? Or the time that I cooked you breakfast just because?

Or maybe it was when I went out and bought a bunch of beautiful things for baby and sent them with the kids to the babyshower that i was excluded from -- maybe that was when I treated you like dirt? Was that when I did it? It sure wasn't DH,SS18, or SD17, that went out and purchased all those clothes -- it was me.

Or maybe it was when I bought you a nice Christmas gifts and sent that and a cash gift for Christmas? Maybe that was when I treated you like dirt?
Or when you got your first apartment and I offered to take you shopping for new things for your apartment? Was that when I did it?

When exactly did I treat you like dirt ? When I asked you to clean up after yourself when you made a mess in the kitchen? Oh no! I'm horrible! When we wanted you to get a job? Oh no! We're such horrible people! That's terrible and awful of us! When we wanted you home at a reasonable hour because there are other people in the house? That was awful of us to expect that? Was it because we let you live here rent free -- was that when I treated you like dirt? When I asked to be treated with respect? Hmmmm i think that is what any normal human being would want, unless they have no brain.

I have apologized four times already for the comment I made, which in all honesty I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did. And the way I remember it -- I said "that is an awful lot of guys in a short amount of time." I said it out of concern for your welfare and health -- not out of judgment SD22 -- I truly was worried about you. Emotionally and physically that kind of lifestyle can take a toll on a woman. But you exploded on me. I do believe you were looking for a reason to be pissed off because you wanted to be out of our house and living in bf's parents house.

I apologized three times in person and one time in writing. It's like you literally want me to grovel. I'm done apologizing. To be quite honest, I think you were just looking for a reason to cut me out of your life. I already know that you think of me as disposable. A little birdy told me that. I honestly don't know what in the world I ever did to you except to marry your Dad, and I know you refer to me as "THAT woman." You have hated me from the start and there is literally nothing I can do, and no amount of niceness that I can do that is ever going to change your mind, no amount of things I can buy, and no amount of things I can do that will ever change your mind. You have never even given me a chance SD22. All you have done is sabotage me, bad mouth me to everyone and anyone who will listen to you -- and believe me, I've heard it from others that you talk bad about me. And now you're trying to sabotage my relationships with the other kids. What in the world do you have against me?

I have had enough of all of this to be quite honest. I have done far more nice things than bad things - -- but all you can do is remember the bad, which were mostly all in response to things you had done to me (ie you calling me crazy, etc). You remember none of the good that I have done. I honestly don't know what else to do about this whole thing anymore. I guess if you want to keep sabotaging all of these relationships that is on you, but I'm stepping off of this roller coaster. I hope someday you can see past all of your anger can actually have a healthy relationship with your family.

If you want to mend the relationship with me, the ball is in your court and you need to make the next step and be an adult about it and meet with me so that we can work this out face to face. Until then, i guess things will stay as they are which means you are still not allowed at the house. I would even be willing to meet with you at my therapists office to work on working this out if you are willing, but you need to make the next step. The ball is in your court. You can email me at this address and we can work out the details that way to set up the time if you are willing. I am willing if you are.

If I don't hear from you, then I wish you, boyfriend and baby all the best.

(That's the end)

My counselor doesn't think that SD22 will do anything to be apart of my life. But I think that writing this letter helped me more than anything. As far as I'm concerned, I am done. I don't want anything to do with her anymore. She is not allowed in our home at this point, and until she is ready to make nice that is the way its going to stay.