I feel your pain. My daughter is 2 and sometimes I'm at my wits end with her---and she's mine. I can only offer up a few suggestions...

Toys and their room: clear it out. Put it all in storage whatever you have to do, so they have a little room of their own to sleep in.

Beds: If they have their own beds- try putting them together, so they wont feel so lonely- because they'll have each other.
If all else fails- break out the crib (dead serious- I know someone who uses a crib with her 3 yr old because she says she doesnt want him roaming the house)

Bedtime: You may want to bend the rules on your no tv- just because it may help settle them down or at least keep them in their room and bed long enough to go to sleep. I never had tv as a kid but its always worked like a charm to put my SS right out- esp when he's being cranky but "isnt tired"

For your bed-implement the sleeping bag rule. Explain to the girls that from now on they cannot sleep in your bed anymore because there's simply not enough room for them and you two adults, but if they get scared in the middle of the night or wake up really early in the morning- they can come and lay on the sleeping bag you put at the foot of your bed on floor.

Considering your situation and living with enabling ggparents- its gonna be tough to be strict and evoke true order. Esp since it seems your bf doesn't want to tell them to butt out so he can raise his kids. So you may have to comprimise now and when/if you're living alone realize many things will be different because you wont have to worry about ggparents coming to the rescue when you discipline.

FYI - whatever he is doing with his kids, he will probably do with yours...If you want to be a FULL TIME parent, without the help of their father, stay...otherwise, honestly, I am not sure that a 21yr old needs to be dealing with this crap. It was him who was stupid enough to have 2 kids by the age of 22...you really should be enjoying your life now.

PS - as far as parenting, I agree with your views 100%...

I agree, you guys need to move out, even if it's close by so you can still help the grandparents out but yes out and into your own place. They will never change and are basically holding you guys back from parenting these two little kids, it will only get worse. I'd start looking for a place you guys can call home.

As a mother of 3 and now grandmother to 3 and a bit (one more on the way), I will just politly warn you that this will get worse, not better, and the longer you leave it unchecked the harder it will be to fix it, leave it too long and it will be impossible. Not joking here, if you leave this too long, you can forget it ever getting better only worse. These kids are ruling the roost at 2 and 4, good luck getting them to pull their heads in at 12 and 14.

I have had three kids, all have been the ages your steps are now, I have 3 grandchildren, 18mths, 2 and 4. They are absolutely gorgeous, and I cannot imagine my life without them, but by God they are hard work. As a grandmother I would like nothing better than to spoil them and refuse them nothing, as a loving grandmother I put the needs of my grandchildren ahead of my wants. Spoiling them, getting to be the nice guy, having all the fun and non of the responsibility sounds like a good position to have, and as a grandmother I would love nothing better, however, as a responsible grandmother I know that my grandkids have to grow up in the world and they need to have social skills, they need to be independent, and they need to have manners. My children thankfully have taught their children excellent manners, all 3 grandkids could say ta and please in their highchairs and at the ages they are now their manners are beautiful, who am I to undo all that wonderful work. So, I stick to what I taught my own children, to what I know is right and to the rules my children have laid down for their kids.

Either you an boyfriend show a united front to grandparents, thank them by all means for allowing all of you to stay in their home, but state firm guidelines for the children, manners, bedtimes, rules of the house eg: picking up toys before bed, and bed in their own beds. You say Bio Mum has these rules in her house, it is unfair of you, your boyfriend and the grandparents to undermine her by allowing this in your home. So, either grandparents fall into line behind you and your boyfriend and treat the children the way you want them to be treated, or you move out. It really is that simple. The situation is not going to change itself.

If BF refuses to move out, then be aware that this situation will only get worse, and as the years go on, you will find yourself in the situation that many of us find ourselves in with teenage and adult stepchildren, and YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE, trust me, where you are right now is a picnic compared to what most of us are going through, and if you don't like things now then wait till they are a few years older and see how you feel. You have a couple of choices,
1. Put up with it.
2. Tell BF that you cannot live this way and things must change for the sake of the kids and your relationship.
3. Leave now before you find yourself thinking, well I have invested 2, 4, 14, 24 years in this and stay because of time invested, not for love, and one day you find you have wasted your life and the situation has not only not changed but has become much worse.

So, I think you need to have a good long heart to heart with boyfriend, decide what you both want for the kids and the relationship. If you both want the same thing then as I said either grandparents fall into line or you find your own place. If you both cannot come to an agreement, leave now while you have a choice, because in a few more years you will be forced out because you will not be able to stand the situation at home. You will be one of the stepmums who stays at work because going home is too much to face. Good Luck. You know you are right, so follow through.

My advice is to make DH enforce the new rules he is their parent with bonds already in place you are a stranger. When my DH and I started dating I was forced into raising SS early on. He was never disciplined and was not taught anything I actually had to teach him at 2 1/2 how to use a spoon and enforce the rule that he was not allowed to eat with his hands all the time. DH was a only home a few days out of the month because of work so I had to enforce all rules and thus became the evil stepmother because I could not deal with the chaos and I refused to let my children see SS behave that way. SS5 has disliked me ever since he came to live with me, he hates me glares at me across the room, avoids me at all costs because he doesnt want to follow my rules. You dont want to be the bad guy make DH do it!

boy does this sound familiar. my gp's were the same way when bd17 was little. my gramma babysat while i worked, and she never ever did what i asked. i would take food for bd and tell my gramma not to feed her junk all day. i would pick her up and she would have a pop in one hand and bag of m&m's in the other. i was pissed. they would let her do whatever she wanted to. when i talked to my gramma about it, she would get very defensive and yell at me "well she WANTED xyz!!!" like that explained it all. oh ok, gramma. since she wanted it and asked for it and you didn't just give it to her, then that's ok. NO.

you're in a hard spot because you live with them. i lived with my gramma while my grampa was dying of lung cancer, too. it's very hard to overcome the bullshit permissiveness when you're gone 8 hours a day. i don't really have any advice, i can only commiserate. this probably won't really get any better until you move out. that's what i had to do. move out and tell gramma that if she wasn't gonna do as i asked, i would find a new sitter. that snapped her back down a little bit, because she knew i meant it!

Is she a young 2, or closer to three? That year is when most kids potty train. So if she is closer to three, then is be more concerned that no one is working with her. My son was 26 months when he wore his last pull up. We began potty training at 18 months, would have been done sooner by the daycare wouldn't follow through during their time until he was 2 (no kid pottys in the 1 yr old room).

Is start working with her on it, but don't stress over it if she's newly turned two. Most people in know start training at 2, and are done by 3.

Why can't YOU move out. He sounds like he's coming around, but he could probably use you to further set an example of being a responsible adult who is action oriented and not just words. It would be easier for you to find a job if you weren't living in a stressful situation. If you two are ever going to have a successful marriage he will have to realize that you two are a team and that nothing or no one should ever come before that. Not even grandparents.

Another thing for you to consider, for the long term. You sound like you have a very strong personality and some strong ideas about life in general. The image of how things should run in a home is set in your mind and it's a good image.

With people (women) like you, that can be a disadvantage in life. You come in, take charge, take over, and everyone else gets to sit back and hang on for the ride. Eventually, you will find yourself asking "am I working alone here?" Yes, you will be. Don't be so eager to be the manager of life. Men can be weak, even when they're great guys, husbands, bf, they can still be very weak, and lazy, and passive. Not that he's a bad guy. Women who are strong can sometimes bring out the worst in men. That's all I'm saying. You may have awesome intentions, but be careful. Good Luck.

I have a son, SS and 4 cousins the same age as the OP.

If any of them were in this situation, it would break my heart. Yo u're too young to be worrying about someone else's kids.

Get your own place. Work and go to school. Continue to date BF but leave the parenting to him.