court says BM gets to lie all she wants about child care cost
The judge didn't actually say this but by saying that DH has to pay his portion and all BM needs to provide is a cashed check, this is what he said.
BM works about 10hrs per week mostly while skids are in school. Skids are 10 & 8 and she has a new 18month old from a different man who pays her CS also. In court she claims that she pays her mother (who lives next door) $120 per week to watch the skids.
In court her mom testifies that she watches the baby too. When asked how much she charges for the baby she got very uncomfortable, shifted around and said, "well, I don't charge anything for the baby." Even though she said she watched that child more than half the time.
So now all BM has to do is give a check to her mother, have her cash it and then voila, she get's $300 more a month is child care costs. Not to mention she gets all of that money back on her taxes for the child care tax credit. And yes, her mother claims that money on her taxes. Why not, BM gets $6000 back in a tax credit just give her mom the $200 it cost her in taxes.
Also, BM has a shifting work schedule, she "never knows when she's going to work." So, she can "claim" she's at work all the time while her mom is watching the skids, we have zero proof.
What I want is for the court to order that we receive her weekly work schedule and a receipt of when Gma watches the skids and how much she charges. BM based her $120 cost on what the local daycare provider charges to watch kids whose parents work 8-5 m-f. I would also rather pay Gma directly, she's not a peach but she's not really happy about all the lying and she sincerely likes my DH and thinks he's a good dad...can't understand why they have to fight so much. Really? Then why are you lying on the stand for your daughter? And why would you steal from the skids dad if you like him so much and want us to do "family" stuff together?
This is really hard to take. And my DH can't really handle my anger right now, he feels like a failure as it is. I'm trying to be positive for him. I was not at the hearing yesterday and I haven't seen the lawyer yet. From what I understand the judge is going to modify his original decree a bit and then I will get to talk to her.
If you have any helpful suggestions, humor, wisdom or sympathy, I could really use it!
thanks everyone. you are all GREAT! 
awwww I feel for you ....
awwww I feel for you .... This is so not fair...stuff like this makes you wanna scream....
thanks...i thought about
thanks...i thought about putting together personal checks with happy moments with dh maybe even skids and great positive comments about how great my DH is.
he's an amazing guy and she regrets divorcing him badly. I will pay her, he is worth every cent! But she will see my happy life with her ex and kids all over it.
don't get onto me too much, i'm in revenge mode, but it probably won't last long. I'm pretty positive I will be writing those checks tho, I don't want DH pissed off every month over it.
I have sympathy but that's
I have sympathy but that's cold comfort. Frankly, virtually the same thing happened to my husband when his ex decided to put their kids in "after school care" with her sister.
Non custodial fathers seem to have no rights or sympathy when it comes to support orders. You can't prove it, you can't enforce it, although you'd think if dad is paying 50% or more of the child care costs he should, by law, be able to claim at least one of his kids on his taxes. Unfortunately, you need to file a form with the IRS and if the custodial egg donor doesn't want to sign the form you're SOL ... which is exactly what happened to my husband, BM said -- before the divorce -- he could claim one of the two kids. Unfortunately, he didn't get that in writing in the divorce decree. When tax time came and he went to her with the form and she looked him straight in the eye and said "I can't afford to do that." $255 a week tax free -- then the child care credits and deductions on two kids -- and she couldn't afford it. Really?!? $15,000 a year, tax free, that beast collected for seven years. We were going to take her back to court after the youngest turned 13, to get the child care removed, and she had her lawyer send a letter threatening to have us reassessed and pointing out that with inflation the support order alone would probably be increased beyond the current amount. We got scared and wimped out.
good phrase...cold comfort.
good phrase...cold comfort.
i'm sorry you had to go through this, but it's nice not being alone!
thanks for sharing your experience with me.
This is why second wives HATE
This is why second wives HATE first wives.
yes, because they can't move
yes, because they can't move on with their life. i just have to keep remembering she is a truly miserable human being that makes things a little better. I'm so glad I'm not her!
Each state run their own
Each state run their own child support, so there are widely varying rules depending on where you live. Also, each judge has a lot of latitude for his/her own judgements and personal disgression for each case they rule on. If it was cut and dry, no one would need lawyers.
this is sort of what I'm
this is sort of what I'm hoping for. A record of solid proof and they are both lazy about stuff like this, the more effort the less likely they'll do it. However, it's money from my DH, so it would be enough to motivate BM at least.
This is what I'm going to ask about when I see the lawyer.
But I'm not very hopeful. I had mentioned it to the lawyer before this because we knew it would be an issue and she only mentioned that a cashed check was all that was required.
thanks for your post!
Wow. What a bitch. I do NOT
Wow. What a bitch. I do NOT understand why people feel they are entitled to money that they ARE NOT ENTITLED TO?! I'd be infuriated w/the courts. Dads get the raw end of the deal so many times. I know there are deadbeat dads out there, but there seems to be an assumption that ALL dads are deadbeats. So frustrating. I'm sorry, I wish I had some advice for you.
I always appreciate when
I always appreciate when posters call her a b...it's my favorite thing to hear about her from other people. }:)
Well I just talked with a
Well I just talked with a coworker. Her Son-In-Law walked out on her DD and they have 5 kids. Her DD was in the process of divorcing him. The Gpa had decided to watch the kids instead of put them in daycare. So the lawyer says, well daycare will be $1500 to take care of all 5 kids. How much will you charge? Gpa said $500. The lawyer thought that was too generous.
DD and son-in-law eventually got back together so nothing was ever settled.
Apparently, in my state, the truth doesn't matter. If BM has skids in a daycare, if only for 4 hours a week they will charge her $70 per child for that week. Must be nice getting $17.50/hr to watch one kid.
So, it doesn't matter at all if BM's mom watches the skids, daycare is an expected cost, nice for BM.
You know, I might be able to swallow this a little easier if she were expected to work a full 40/hrs per week and her salary was calculated accordingly. However, the judge only calculated her salary as working 32/hrs per week. Allowing her time drop off and pick up skids from school. I suppose he could have calculated her working 10/hrs per week like she wanted and still saying that she needed daycare costs. things can always be worse.
thanks again for all your words!
Yep the Behemoth pulled the
Yep the Behemoth pulled the same thing. Had her friend and relatives "babysit" and then made up phoney receipts for astronomical amounts. :sick:
The court is much more likely to let a golden uterus get away with this if you live on either the left or right coast.
i live right in the dead
i live right in the dead center! nowhere is safe!
No advice, because weve been
No advice, because weve been there as well. BM claimed she paid her mother $500 A MONTH to watch SD and they lived together! When BM was working, it was late at night, so at the very least her mom had to put SD to bed and that was it.. DISGUSTING!
FDH's CS was doubled because of this 'child care'.. although he didnt even know why his CS was so high becasue he didnt even read the papers, he just knew the calculated amount was 680 and he agreed to 600. To top this story off, both BM and my FDH were UNEMPLOYED and living with their parents. Now thats just sick!
You cant fight it.. Ive even read in the 'laws' for our state that if BM has a child under 5 or something like that she isnt required/expected to have a job anyways because her child is young.
PAAALEASE!
The courts are so jacked up!
i don't think the cost is
i don't think the cost is going to be figured in the CS! THANK GOD! I'm finding more blessings than I expected. Even if it's total crap it could be worse.
I also like that it will probably end at 12. Just 2 years for SD10 and 4 for SD8.