Ugh...need advice. SS18 (a junior in HS living with BM) was discovered to be buying and smoking pot with friends and coworkers. DH and BM have been addressing, quite well all things considered. DH and I uncovered some additional facts that he was hiding from BM and have shared findings with her.

DH and I spoke to his sister, SD15, about the issue - his decision which I support. We had a fairly normal, enjoyable weekend...until...Monday afternoon SS18 got caught in a lie while at BM's house. Things escalated and BM decided we all needed an open conference call that turned into me being accused by SD15 for saying something bad about BM, was actually DH who told her he and BM didn't agree on a work situation for SD18.

BM went off on a tirade and was very condescending towards me and DH. DH was a calm prince through the call. BM's main focus seems to be the kids need to feel empowered to say things they want to say and not bite their tongues (which I would not thought is the case). SS18 took the advice and shot me a pointed text about not having permission to talk to him or his sister about his situation, as it's between him and his family. Sent similar note to DH.

So...any other SMs or SDs dealing with or dealt with drugs or similar situation needing extra discipline? Do I excuse myself from DH conversations on the topic? Even though he is grounded, he has too much free time sleeps the weekends away, and won't lift a finger to clean-up after himself.

BTW, not a bad kid but has has issues with porn and cigarettes in the past, so not an angel either.