SS17 is driving me nuts!
My husband (I'm mad right now, so I won't say "DH" LOL) and I have been married for 12 years. He has 2 sons (17 & 18), I have a daughter (15) and we have a son together (9). SS18 has been in trouble @ school, with BM, with us, and now with the law. SS17 was always the "good one". Now that SS18 has moved out, SS17 seems to be following in his footsteps. When he turned 16, his dad bought him a new truck. We pay for it, and insurance. He works sometimes, but all $$ goes to whatever he wants to spend it on. Only rules when he is @ BMs or out w/friends are that he text and tell us where he's going. He NEVER does this. I have pointed this out constantly to H, but he says I'm being controlling.
SS17 is a Senior. I work at the school. His progress report just came out and he had a "C" in a very easy subject. Claims he didn't know why. I sent an email to teacher and she sent one back saying that he wasn't turning in assignments, disrupting class, not following rules, etc. I printed & gave to H, who "never got around to talking to him about it" (I finally brought up the issue in front of SS so it would have to be discussed). SS said that he wasn't discussing it with me and how dare I check up on his grades when he is a senior in high school. H said nothing the whole time. Today, SS was sent to office by that teacher, threw a fit when he got back in class, then walked out of class, got in truck & left school (without permission). Principal called me & I drove over there & saw that by that time, he had returned to school & was sitting in his truck (skipping class). I called H & said I could take his keys so he couldn't leave school again. H said to leave him alone, that he would take care of it.
This is my problem:
H NEVER takes care of it with this particular child. This is his prodigal son. I am sick & tired of taking smart mouthed comments from SS, & watching while all the other kids get in trouble, but SS17 never does. There is absolutely no discipline @ BMs, so we can't send him there or let him go, cause she has no control. He walks all over her & does what he wants.
Is it unreasonable for me to get involved, seeing as how I WORK AT THE SCHOOL!?!? They want me to stay out of it. It is a really small town (only about 150 kids in the high school).
Yep, you're being
Yep, you're being unreasonable in your situation. Only because what you're doing isn't working for you. The only people we can change are ourselves...not DH, not SS.
If it were my kid, I'd yank the truck and license. (I just did this with my teen for similar reasons! He's still in shock.)
I don't know why the school is giving you that kind of info on a kid that isn't yours. That doesn't sound right.
Anyway, since your DH is telling you that you're being controlling and to let him handle it, leave it alone. It's only causing you stress and issues,
I would also tell your dh
I would also tell your dh that obviously what he is doing with his son is not working or he wouldn't be that much trouble that you can't trust him to parent the others has he has no say. I would be turning the tables on him if he wants you to stay out of it and have no say then he has no say about the other kids. Fair is fair right? I do believe that it might just be an eye opener. good luck
Bottom line is that if DH is
Bottom line is that if DH is okay with SS behavior and it doesn't disrupt your family life, you've gotta let it go. If he skips a few classes, gets mediocre grades, and DH doesn't do anything despite your complaints, well, sorry.
It could be that DH sees the situation with SS a little different. I know that my ex-dh has a special soft spot for my oldest DS. I think it's because he sees himself in DS and understands where he is coming from.
I know it may be hard, especially after you've been married for 12 years. These kids are your kids too now that you've seen them grow up and been a mother to them. The teen years are tough anyway, so perhaps you should cut them some slack and yourself as well. At 17, you are almost at the finish line (well, for certain things) My father used to always say that there was nothing stupider than a 19yo boy. I have found this to be true. lol
wkd_sm....i agree to an
wkd_sm....i agree to an extent.....in most states, @ 16, a child can leave home & parents can do nothing!!!! Let him learn from his own mistakes. however, if he's breaking the law, make an anonymous call to police .....let DH bail him out....as far as other kids go, fair is fair....i dealt with same situation with DH. SS12(only child/treated like an adult by BP, BGP, etc was DHs best friend, doing whatever, whenever, breaking all the rules. while MY BD11 & BS9 was with us(joint visitation with exDH), they were getting punished for leaving lights on after leaving room, toys in floor, etc...MINOR CHILD HABITS.....I told DH that it would NOT happen again....i became super biatch....I nit-picked every little thing for a week, even threw video games in trash after SS being told 3xs to clean his room & locked all luxuries up till he stopped ignoring my request. He got mad & slammed his bedroom door........which i politely, quietly got screwdriver & removed his door....that was almost a year ago & He's still doorless....but thats for a whole nouther blog.....
You have every right BECAUSE
:O You have every right BECAUSE you WORK AT HIS SCHOOL, he lives in your home and especially since you and your H share a biological child! This kid knows you work there. I don't even know your husband and I'm mad at him! I can't stand it when men dont STEP UP! My aunt never gave her son any rules either. He started getting in trouble at 13 and she just babied him. He's 23 now and a heroin addict. It is crushing our family and now no one wants to talk to my aunt because this is a DIRECT RESULT of no boundaries. She is now in foreclosure over paying his legal fees and in danger of losing her job (she's had for over 20 yrs)because they are sick of her taking days off to deal with him. She will end up burying him-all because she refused to step up and PARENT!