Me, me, me-me, me, me, me, me.......
My DH still hasn't heard from his daughter concerning the gift and check for a significant amount of money he gave them for their wedding present.
We aren't actually sure they got it. The table at the reception hall was not in a secure place, there was no place else to put the present, and the person they had hired to be the wedding consultant/organizer was nowwhere to be found. She had never done the job before, so she was really disorganized. We know that she was hired so that my DH's EX would not be challenged by a "professional" on some of the outrageous things she did at the wedding. A professional wedding planner/consultant/organizer would have told her it was tasteless and very inappropriate!
Anyway, despite the fact they aren't taking a honeymoon until later, and they have no excuse for not having contacted him - her own father - by now....they have at least three months to send out thank you notes. At least that is the traditional time period. She had received all of her other presents at her shower weeks earlier, and only our and a few other family members had brought gifts because of the distance we live from the skids. We weren't "allowed" to send it to them via mail, because they aren't accepting mail from my DH and me. (roll eyes).
He refuses to contact her and ask her if she got the money and gift. If someone stole it, or broke it, that is THEIR problem - they didn't have a secure place for the presents. Our present wasn't the only one there, not being supervised. There were even two young boys having a "mock wrestling match" right next to the table - which they almost crashed into.(roll eyes).
After the meal the dancing began, and the new bride and groom chose to dance their first dance to "Habanera" being sung by "Beaker" and the "Swedish Chef" of the Muppets Show. If you wish to see it, follow the provided link below. Anyway, all Beaker kept singing to the tune was "Me, me, me-me, me, me, me......." We don't even think they realized how dumb and prophetic this was. They are two of the most self-centered people around!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_SrFxkXttg
Then as the dancing progressed, things got worse. There was only ONE dance that older adults could even attempt to dance to, the rest was very fast and LOUD, and the dancefloor was packed with jumping rowdy younger people. This went on for ALL of the songs, not just a few. They never altered it with some slower dance songs. It was like we were at a high school prom instead of a wedding reception. Many people were leaving - and had to stumble their way out of the dark reception hall, past the dancers, and around the DJ's huge stand. There were strobbing lights, and power chords to deal with. There was only one way out, except for the emergency doors, which led to dark patios, on the opposite side of the building from the parking lot.
My husband couldn't tell where his daugher was when we were leaving. Instead, he told his son goodbye (he happened to be in the small hall on our way out) and we assumed he would tell his sister we left.
So, to be prepared for my DH's daughter to use this against my DH, do you think he should have tried to stumble around a very dark reception hall, with strobbing lights, and a crowded dance floor and find his daughter and her husband before leaving? He is 60 years old, and despite being in good shape, his eye sight is not the best - especially in the dark. I couldn't find her either - we assumed she was still in the middle of the mash on the dance floor.
"Me, me, me-me, me, me, me, me.....I can't get that song out of my head!
I would have sent a check
I would have sent a check that way you would have known if they cashed it and quite frankly if your SD is such a tool why would you give her so much money - why do parents think that because there is a wedding they have to go overboard - if she is a bitch give her a small amount and be done with it - you have just rewarded her behavior - there is no rule that says you have to give a significant amount of money to any bride and groom.
And don't worry about not saying goodbye - if she starts shit tell her to STFU and enjoy the money!! I hate entitled children who grow up to be asshole adults!!
"They can be disrespectful
"They can be disrespectful haters and simultaneously spout off what they are entitled to."
My OSD is the same way......DETESTS me (enough to even challenge her dear daddy {"spousal status entitlement mentality"} every time I had to put my foot down in MY HOUSE with the YSD that was living with us at the time), yet expected me to help out with her wedding, (just because I was married to her dad -- and she saw all the stuff we were buying, i.e., house, truck, new furniture --- however, the purchases were from MY DIVORCE/INCOME -- DH didn't contribute a dime because he makes half of my income). AND, she HATES her father, but accepts his cards/money.
........OSD that got married last year at age 22, married her HS sweetheart (they've been dating since 9th grade) ~
I predict:
#1) don't expect the marriage to last with that senerio, and #2) he talks completely GAY and I expect him to come out of the closet within 10 years.
I get it StepAside, my
I get it StepAside, my husband's daughter had her university education paid for, her cell phone paid for up until she got a job and was completely supported by her father up until the age of 20. He bought all of his kids cars, while mine had part time jobs from the age of 14 and saved for theirs. His princess charming is now the same age as your SD and like yours has a live in boyfriend and now a baby, like yours expected her wedding paid for. Now, and this is where it gets extra rich, her mother died 2 years ago and there is a house free and clear which the 3 kids have now inherited and is worth around $500,000.00, yet she wants "daddy" to pay for her wedding. When my husband said NO (thank goodness) because we did not have that kind of money she also said to get it from his superanuation (your 40lK equivelent). Fortunately we were struggling as my husband had been laid off and a month later was diagnosed with prostate cancer, so that operation cost us almost $20K and because we really did not have it he had no choice but to say no. So, this greedy, self centered, obnoxious spoilt brat, suggesged to her boyfriend when dad was not in the room, I will get Nono (grandfather) to pay for it, he would love to pay for MY wedding, seemingly the boyfriend was not included in HER wedding. Anyway I went crazy left the room, and told my husband what had been said, I also told him if he did not protect his 87 year old father from this blood sucking vampire then I would tell his family everything that was going on with her. Thankfully as it turned out, the boyfriend has refused to marry her, even told her father that he would not marry her until she saw a physciatrist (sorry about the spelling), despite her suddenly having an "accidently" pregnancy - after 5 years of being engaged, boyfriend has not married her. LOVE IT makes me laugh.
I must say another pet peve of mine is these young people getting engaged, never getting married, yet keeping the engagement presents and using them as well. What happened to engagement gifts being returned if the marriage did not take place. These were after all engagement gifts, not shacking up gifts.
As for dad paying for the wedding, that was fine back in the day when women were not allowed to work and were seen as a burden on the family, not only did fathers pay for the wedding but supplied a dowry as well. In this day and age, women work, and can earn more than their male counterparts in some cases, so we are not handing over burdens anymore, our daughters leave as educated, gainfully employed women who contribute to the household finances, there is no need for us to pay for the wedding and hand over 6 cows as well. Also, weddings were paid for when the girls left home to marry. Not when they were already married so to speak because they are living in a defacto relationship with their defacto husbands, in the eyes of the law should they seperate each party has legal rights now in defacto relationships same as legally married people. So, they should absolutely pay for their own weddings, they are certainly not virgins leaving the family home for the first time to enter the matrimonial home are they. Funny, how these young peope don't stick with all the TRADITIONS of times gone by, but selectively chose this one everytime....Daddy, you have to pay for my wedding, that's how it works. Not now sunshine, when you move in, you are already considered married if you want to make it official in the eyes of your peers, then by all means, do so, pay for it yourself, and by the way....Don't wear white when your kids are flower girls and page boys, as you appear to be so into tradition (daddy paying for wedding), then you need to know white gowns and veils are for virgins. PLEASE NOTE: THE ABOVE STATEMENT IS INTENDED ONLY FOR THE SPOILT SELF CENTERED UP THEMSELVES SD WHO THINK DADDY IS NOTHING MORE THAN A SOURCE OF MONEY. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO OFFEND THOSE OF YOU WHO LIVE IN DEFACTO RELATIONSHIPS AT ALL SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT THAT WAY. AS I SAID IT IS FOR SPOILT LITTLE BRATS WHO DON'T GIVE A RATS ARSE ABOUT ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES.
Oh dear God. That was their
Oh dear God. That was their wedding song? Sorry. I know you're frustrated. But that gave me a laugh I REALLY needed, so, thanks
As for the check... has it cleared? And, why in the world would DH give them a substantial gift if he can't even send them anything in the mail? Now that the kids are older, DH should just live his life and not worry about the ungrateful fruit of his loins. Easier said than done I understand...
well, if it was a check you
well, if it was a check you could always stop payment on it. If it's been that long and there's no word back... I get it about the dancing. My MSD's wedding reception had the same un-danceable stuff going on, fab for her 20-something theatre friends, but beyond the grasp of all us boomers who made the effort to go celebrate with them.
You are both right, he should
You are both right, he should not have given them the money, I tried to talk him out of it, but he wanted to do it.
Now, AFTER the wedding, his eyes have REALLY been opened!! He has HAD IT with her!
I am glad you had a good laugh RaeRae, and it would have been funny for us also, if we didn't know how TRUE it was!! If we didn't know the couple, it would have been fun, but because we know how self-centered and clueless they are, we couldn't appreciate it like we could have.
Because of their bad behavior at the wedding, in other ways, we knew that others at the wedding felt this song was also prophetic.
My DH got a few comments from others that let us know they also saw how disrespected he was by his own daughter, and how self-centered she and her new hubby are.
They're all the same
They're all the same StepAside, all the same, as are the father's who let them away with it.
If we stopped payment on the
If we stopped payment on the check, we would be a tacky as they are. It IS tempting to do it though!!!
This way we have something to hold over them in the future!
We want to do our best to act honorabley, yet still have firm and healthy boundaries.
As I said, my husband has FINALLY had his eyes opened. He now really sees how USED he has been by his daughter.
His son's wedding is coming up in the spring, and instead of giving him money, we are giving them a brand new Corning set of dishes we got FREE. They are very nice, and we didn't have to spend money on it. We don't want it and can't use it anyway.
It is also heavy, and it will be fun to see him and his new wife carry that to the car from the reception hall!
His son is not a large guy at all. He and his wife-to-be are under 5'7", and on the slight side. It will be a challenge for them.
Despite the fact that at least his son is trying (a little in his clueless way) to treat my DH with some form of respect, because he is surrounded by his fiance, sister, new brother-in-law and mother who are all rude, self-centered people, he is still not able to really understand how he and his fiance's behavior is RUDE!
I agree. Just the fact that
I agree. Just the fact that it wasn't cashed in 3 months would be enough of a reason to stop payment on it without looking "tacky." You were legitimately concerned that it fell into the wrong hands.
Stop payment
Stop payment immediately....They do not deserve it.
*raises hand* um, I'm kind of
*raises hand* um, I'm kind of broke and would totally play music you like at my wedding, should I ever choose to have one again - LOL - Just kidding!!!
Seriously though - I would also stop payment. A lot of times banks won't honor a check over 90 days old anyway, and 3 months is a significant amount of time for them to have gotten, then cashed, and subsequently spend - the check.
You aren't being tacky, you are being prudent. If the check was lost, stolen, etc., criminals can glean your information from the check face, steal your identity, rack up copious amounts of debt, and ruin financial stability for you.
My opinion is to cancel it and tell them why if they ever try to cash it and get mad at the two of you. If they can't be responsible with it then they shouldn't have it.
JRTerrierMom
It has only been just over
It has only been just over one week since the wedding - sorry if I wasn't clear on that - but we feel that because it was her FATHER that gave her the money, she would be in contact with him before this - at least by phone. We got better respect from her COUSIN and her wedding than this! She sent a wonderful thankyou note, and she is the same age as my SD! We weren't even able to go to the wedding, and sent the present via mail, but we got a very nice timely reply and thankyou!
We will wait and see what happens. If they don't cash the check - which we are sure they WILL - we will put a stop on the check, otherwise we will see what happens.
If they do not cash the check soon, they will be out of luck!
OMG, that was hilarious! I
OMG, that was hilarious! I think that could be the official SKIDS theme song. Play it before they come over to get you in the mood, and again when they leave so you can watch them get eaten.
That would be a good idea
That would be a good idea Evilwicked, but we have not intention of allowing them in our home again, not for a LONG time. They can speak with their dad over the phone.
If they do wish to meet, we are going to meet them at a resturant, and if and when they act up, we can LEAVE! They can sit there with a dazed look on their faces.
We should leave them to pay the bill also. Yeah, that's the ticket!
I forgot to update this post
I forgot to update this post earlier - like weeks ago.
We did finally receive a hand written thankyou note for the money and the wedding present we gave my SD and her new husband.
We were impressed! Now if they can just act as responsible and mature in other areas of their lives...there would a lot less drama for all!
I just watched the video, do
I just watched the video, do you picture beaker everytime you see her? if i did id have to hold back the laughing everytime i imagined her entire convo in that shrill voice...
I also forgot share that the
I also forgot share that the check my DH gave them at the wedding was cashed ASAP!!! They didn't waste a minute cashing it, so it didn't end up in the trash or get lost.
At least they thanked us for it, and the present. That has to count for something - a little - sort of - a tiny bit - a wee amount, etc....