I’m at a crossroads of what to do with my SD15. She is an absolute nightmare and I’ve had it dealing with her. She’s a hateful, disrespectful brat. She throws tantrums like a 5 year old when she does not get her way and does not think rules apply to her. She failed 5 of her 6 classes last semester and will be repeating the 9th grade in the fall.

I’m trying to figure out what options in terms of boarding schools or boot camps for troubled teen girls in the US are out there that would work for her.

She’s currently staying with one of her relatives for the summer, but that is not a long term solution and I’m dreading her returning next week.

I’ve given my DH an ultimatum that she can’t return to our home until she complies with a few simple things - agrees to treat me with respect and apologizes, signs the Home Rules Contract we have put together and agrees to accept the consequences of her actions. I hoped this might solve the problems and get her under control, but she absolutely refuses to do any of this and there needs to be consequences.

She says she doesn’t want to live with us and wants to force us to let her stay with her maternal relatives in her home town. She absolutely hates her father and especially me, and wants absolutely nothing to do with us.

Her BM has a long history of substance abuse and mental health problems and lost custody. So, returning to her mom is not an option and the path SD is headed, she’ll turn into her mom in a few years.

So, we need to find some place to send her where she can get the help she needs, and learn some respect and manners.

This is a difficult situation, since she has only has emotional problems but no more serious issues like drugs.

We have threatened to send her to military school or a boot camp, but she says she’ll get herself kicked out so she can go live with her older half-siblings. She is unwilling to go voluntary or admit her behavior or failing at school is a problem. She blames everyone else (mainly her father and me).

We have been talking to admissions people for several therapeutic boarding school for girls, which could be an option. But unless she will voluntarily go and participate in therapy, the more academic schools designed for “good kids who made bad choices" won’t admit her. If she is too defiant or violates rules, she will be kicked out.

I’m afraid we’ll waste tens of thousands of dollars sending her to a boarding school and she’ll find a way to get kicked out within a week just to spite us and force us to let her go live with her maternal relatives permanently. Then it’s just throwing money away.

She is not technically at a point of needing a residential treatment style program where she could be sent to whether she wants to be there or not and that she would be in complete lock-down situation.

SD’s therapist warned us against sending her these types of schools or camps, since these are programs designed for girls with very serious problems (like drugs, violence, suicide, gangs) and SD would be exposed to very negative influences from other kids there and wouldn’t address her problems.

But if her behavior is not going to change, I want her out of my home.

I would absolutely love to send her to a military school where she would be forced to learn respect for others and discipline. Unfortunately, all the military schools that accept girls that I can find are prep schools that require students to go voluntarily, do well on admissions testing and entrance interviews. I contacted one that Rags recommended, and beyond the problem of her not wanting to go and needing to improve her GPA drastically to be admitted, they wouldn’t even accept students with the emotional problems my stepdaughter has.

So, the type of boarding schools or boot camp programs would need to be a forced attendance/lock-down type, but it would also need to be one that is focused on kids with emotional problems (depression, past physical abuse), rather than kids with drug addiction or criminal records.

My DH is concerned about how badly SD would act to get kicked out and whether sending her away would create further problems, so he only wants to find some program where she might be able to get intense therapy and does not want to send her to one of the very strict behavior modification style programs.

But I would call them right now to pick her up and drag her kicking and screaming if it was up to me. I don’t want her back in my home.

It would be difficult financially to afford a camp or boarding school, but we don’t have a lot of choice. We’ve checked with our insurance company and they won’t pay unless she is diagnosed with a serious mental health issue. We’re hoping her paternal grandparents might help pay for some of it.

If she continues to make our home a living hell controlled by her anger and outbursts, someone has to leave. I don’t want to leave my husband, who I love dearly, or break-up our marriage, but I might have to if I see no light at the end of the tunnel and this girl’s behavior is not going to change.

There are three other children in our home that are having their lives disrupted by her. I do not want them to have their parents separate all due to her behavior.

If anyone has any recommendations of boot camps or boarding schools for troubled girls that might work in this situation, please let me know.