Had a gun pulled on me by SD!

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Hello, I am a soon to be step mother of some adult step-children ages 24,25,and 31. My first overnight visit with my now fiance ended with his daughter at the doorstep the following morning wanting to shoot me with a gun. Her mother was upset that her father was finally moving on and she couldn't manipulate him anymore, so she manipulated her kid instead. I should mention that her mother is bi-polar with a huge addiction to prescription medications and alcohol. Needless to say the SD wasn't around too long because there's outstanding warrants etc, so she's bouncing from state to state. Fast forward a year later with the gun incident behind everyone and the SD announces that she's expecting. This is a girl who has tried and is possibly addicted to several drugs and alcohol. A real chip off the mommas block. She gives birth out of state (on the run) and then makes up a real doosy of a story to get everyone to move her home (because her Boyfried is violent, etc). So guess where she's moving, yup with my and my fiance. She's a terrible person with no redeeming qualities. She drinks and drives with her child, did drugs and drank while prego (child now has CP and is epileptic), steals, lies, screams at the baby for crying, etc. She treats her father horribly and always sides with mama. My fiance really struggles to put up a stand for himself never mind me. I had to live with this girl for a few months until her mama got herself into a house with room for her and the baby. I'm at the point with this girl that I can't even be around her. I am lucky to have a fairly good relationship with the 2 boys, but the SD is a real trainwreck. A blind eye is the only eye my fiance has and I'm struggling to even want to deal with someone so morally bankrupt. How to I maintain a healthy relationship with someone who refuses to see their child for what they really are? How do I interact with this person while trying to be the better person?

You don't, don't let her move

You don't, don't let her move in period, she has put you life in danger and she does not deserve to live under your roof

Ditto buttercookie in

Ditto buttercookie in spades!! My problem is not nearly as bad as yours (see my posts in March-and they are still going on to the point where my anger and disgust is flaring) but in your situation, this woman sounds dangerous -to everyone, especially her child. You and your fiance really need to talk.

Peace & Blessings to you all.

She pulled a gun on your

She pulled a gun on your fiance thinks so much of you that he would even think about letting her move in? Ya need a new fiance...Do yourself a favor - call the cops when she shows & then follow them out the door.

You don't have a relationship

You don't have a relationship with him. Note that I did not call him a man. He is no man if he tolerates this kind of crap from anyone much less his own spawn. Boot his ass. If his character and personal qualities are so lacking that they will not allow him to hold his own spawn to a level of decency then you don't, or at least shouldn't, want him.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,

Let her move in, then call

Let her move in, then call the cops that same day. Once
the cops take her away, if your fiance even raises an
eyebrow up at you for doing it, pack your stuff and leave!!!

These folks are tougher than

These folks are tougher than me-but I admit the first thing I thought was why no police?

Is this a joke? Why would you

Is this a joke? Why would you even consider letting someone move in with you who has pulled a gun on you? That's inviting trouble!!! :jawdrop: If your SD is anything like her BM, then expect her to eventually do something irrational. I agree with smtotheloveofmylife: those warrants didn't just disappear, but I would not proactively show that you got the cops involved, she knows where you live, so can come back to retaliate. Inform the cops of her whereabouts before she shows up on your doorstep! Hopefully, one of her brothers is capable of properly caring for her child in a safer environment.

You NAILED it! GET OUT NOW!

You NAILED it!

GET OUT NOW! This "guy" is willing to put YOUR life in danger for the sake of his felonious spawn. Not good.

The SD is no longer a child

The SD is no longer a child but an irresponsible disrespectful adult who clearly feels she's above the law & most importantly is putting a child in danger...on a regular basis.

As an adult with information, it is your responsibility to notify the police & CPS as to her whereabouts. There is a child in danger & should something happen to that child, anyone who has information & does NOT turn her in is accountable for playing a part.

You don't have to tell them who you are. You don't have to tell your husband that you called, but you are not helpless here. Do the right thing.

Okay, here is some more

Okay, here is some more information because I couldn't type the whole pathetic story out... When she was pregnant, she turned herself in because she didn't want to have a baby in prison, blah blah blah. Typical court system, catch and release! She then moved out of state and had the baby which is where we pick up on her running back home. She did move in and stayed with us for 4 months. It wasn't long before she moved in with momma and the scumbag boyfriend came back from out of state too. During the time she was with us, CPS was called, not by myself but I was relieved. CPS is just as good as the courts because she can put on one hell of an act when she wants to. My fiance is still battling it out with her mother in court for appeals and such, and everytime a court date arises; you should see the texts that roll into him. I keep telling him that people only treat you the way you allow them to. But it just doesn't sink in. I feel bad for him because I think he doesn't understand that "they always come back". He learned alot about her when she lived with us and we are in agreement that that will never happen again. I try to be cordial when I have to see her, but it's very difficult. The very sight of this girl makes my blood boil. I know it's a matter of time before she gets in trouble and I'm glad that we're on the same page of "Oh, well!" I'm just overly sick to my stomach about the child involved. Being kept up to ungodly hours, hanging around the "hood" with her thug friends, being carted around by a momma who drinks and drives... literally! Open container in the car! She represents EVERYTHING I am against. My fiance and I are sooo happy together, but when the subject of her comes up; all bets are off. I understand it's his daughter and let's face it; daddy's never really move past the point of the little girl bouncing on their knee. But in all reality, how do I move forward with my own piece of mind?

"But in all reality, how do I

"But in all reality, how do I move forward with my own piece of mind?"
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You do everything you can to help that child. When there are things going on that are putting that child in danger, you call the police & you call CPS. You didn't make the first call, so clearly you are NOT the only one concerned. Let her put on her act, but you continue to make any genuinely warranted calls.

Of course, you can only do as much as you are able, but if you don't do all you're able to, your mind will feel like you're not doing enough.

Oh my fiance was there, the

Oh my fiance was there, the gun was pointed at us as she screamed and yelled. She's a wannabe thug. It's kinda funny in a way, but she will eventually get herself killed. I've done a good job managing her involvement in our lives; but I still cringe on the interaction that I have to deal with. Any ideas?

I'd be worried that she'll

I'd be worried that she'll get YOU killed. No man would be worth this to me - I'd be gone.

12 years

I definitely hope shes gone!

Are you certain this is the

Are you certain this is the family you want to spend your life with?

She was with us for 4 months

She was with us for 4 months and then moved back out and moved in with her momma. We are on the same page that she will never be allowed back. Aside from the ex-wife(who is a ex for very clear reasons) and her daughter / protege , it's a good family. I just need some means of navigating for the future with some sanity attached. I'm not very good at hiding my feelings very well and don't want to make things worse between my fiance and I due to my lack of tolerance for his thug daughter. How do I push forward?

DO NOT MARRY THIS GUY!!

You will regret it. Do what you can to protect the little one and GTFO!

No Contact or Try to Move On

I'm telling you this and I did not the same when I should have. Your DH is not strong and this puts you in danger. Having to be hypervigilant is mentally and spiritually unhealthy. I put up with a spineless DH and criminally manipulative SD for 15 years. I stayed because I was too insecure mentally and financially to leave. It did reach a point at the end where I did not tell DH that I was planning to leave if he caved to his daughter. For me to leave in my 60's was going to be hard, but I was done and resolved. You are too young to live like I did. Your SD is so much more a nightmare than mine. She is the one of the worst I've heard of. No contact with her would be the best, but it sounds like your fiance is not able to end the relationship. I do not see that you will ever be happy in this situation and we only have this one life to live--in misery or in peace.