Vacations are a reward not a must, if her behavior has not improved and her hygiene has not been worked on then no she shouldn't get to go. I wouldn't let my own child have a benefit without earning it, its not a step thing. Talk to your husband explain your reasons and give him a list that if certain things are done then she can go but if nothing is done then she doesn't go. She will never improve if there is no consequence.

Vacations are a reward not a must, if her behavior has not improved and her hygiene has not been worked on then no she shouldn't get to go. I wouldn't let my own child have a benefit without earning it, its not a step thing. Talk to your husband explain your reasons and give him a list that if certain things are done then she can go but if nothing is done then she doesn't go. She will never improve if there is no consequence.

After years of discord DH and I finally have a truce regarding vacations. If we are visiting his family, the skids go. If it involves my family, they don't. This came about after countless visits where I was embarrassed by skid's behavior. and one instance where SD#1 got caught stealing my mother's jewelry. If the vacation involves no relatives then it is simply a matter of cost. A beachhouse costs no more for 6 than 4 so they are included. A cruise or hotel stay means they aren't. The skids take plenty of vacations with BM. My bios deserve they same with their parents.
Before anyone crucifies me for taking the bios on more vacations, let me explain. BM & the skids have so overused the medical benefits we supply, money that could have been used to pay for many vacations or a college education. What healthy teenagers need healthcare to the tune of $600 in copays every month? I earn my time away from them and all their drama & mysterious ailments.

Oh, oh! I know I'm a few days late to the game and totally new ... I just had to register so I could comment on this. As a stepmom, I can tell you ..... don't do it! Not if you know it will make you miserable. I *just* finished dealing with this. We see SS very rarely. He's a teen, we have rules.... according to his mom, he just doesn't "like" me. Whatever, I'm okay with that. I had saved and planned, literally, for a year to take my kids (DH and I have 3 bio kids) on a dream vacation. Last year SS opted out of vacation and it was sooooooo nice. So freakin' nice! I had hoped DH noticed but I guess he didn't get the memo (for the record, he has HUGE guilt issues if he has fun with our kids and SS isn't here, even if SS is the one who chose to sit it out) Well, of course DH wanted SS to go and, of course, he decided to go (because BM won't and hasn't ever paid for a vacation.)

I really almost backed out of the vacation. I knew I wasn't going to be relaxed and happy. I knew SS was going to run it down and snarl and snipe the way only a teenager can. And, sure enough, he did. DH and I laid out a small fortune to take 6 people on this vacation and we never got a "Hey that was cool, thanks." He DID complain that we got up too early, that we didn't spend enough time laying around the hotel so he could watch TV (on vacation? Seriously? I'm not paying to lay on a couch and watch TV when I get that all the time at home.) Then, the real show stopper for me, I gave each child $100 for them to spend on souviners. Well, actually, I told them they each had $100 to spend. I didn't want to carry around $400 in cash so I had the money put aside and was charging their purchases. I don't guess SS had realized that. So, we are standing in a gift shop and the other three have each picked out a little trinket. I pointedly (and nicely, I might add) ask SS if there is anything he wants before we check out. He said, and I quote, "I don't want anything. You can just give me the cash." :jawdrop:

I.Cannot.Imagine having said that to either of my parents. Or my stepparents. If I had said that to my step mom or dad, their spouse (my parent) would have smacked me senseless. How RUDE do you have to be to demand cash when someone asks if you'd like them to buy you something? The real rub was what happened when I recounted this to DH. A rueful smile, like "Ah well. That boy doesn't like to shop and he just wanted the money you'd scraped and saved." Had this been one of OUR children he would have chewed their hide off. I know this because earlier, the SAME DAY, my ODS stepped on my foot and said "Well, excuuuuuse me." I asked him if he didn't know a more polite way to actually show sincere regret and DH said "Of course not. He's rude." And this is OUR son, so it isn't like he has a problem pointing out character flaws to his children. Just the ONE child must not be criticized.

I also have to recount that we were walking along (in an amusement park) and SS, who is a stout teen, was actually going out of his way to knock into people. Hard. I watched him cross over about 3 feet from where he was heading and drop his shoulder and just crash into this guy half his size (odd, it was always men smaller than him that he "accidently" hit.) He spun that poor guy all the way around....and DH did nothing. He maintained that people were rude and not watching where they were going, "poor SS" was only defending himself because he was tired of side stepping them. I actually had to tell my kids "this is wrong, you don't do this". That is when I realized never again! I will never, ever, spend money on a vacation with SS again. It is like paying to be beaten. This was my ONE week to kick back, have fun, and enjoy my family. I didn't get to do any of that. From now on my kids and I will go somewhere on our own and enjoy each other's company.

Oh, DH did mention the same week that he wanted to rent an RV and travel "across the west, as a family" next year. I think I passed out from laughing so hard. There is NO WAY I'm cramming into a one bathroom RV with a kid who thinks showers are an option and you need to wear clothes a good 10 or 12 times before you wash them. No Way!