Any advice would be appreciated.
I'm new to the site, researching for any possible solution to my current situation. I have been currently dating my Girlfriend for almost 2 years, we have been living together for over a year adn she has two sons 13 and 10. I love this woman with all my heart and soul and feel i have finally found my soulmate. The problem is that her boys make me want to pack up my things and run for the hills. They do not listen at all, If you tell them to do something then it takes 20 times and then you have to yell and scream to get them to do something as simple as take a bath, pick your clothes up off the floor, make your bed. They are both very disrespectful, such as interrupting adults when talking, argueing, and just general bad language. (the oldest childs favorite words are faggot and douche, which makes my skin crawl when he says it aound my kids)They dont respect anything they have, and always think they deserve more. The youngest child lies and steals. Being that both me and my ex are former military we raised our son and daughter to be respectful, speak to adults only when spoken to, dont interrupt adult conversations, say please and thank you and say sir/maam. I dont attempt to discipline her kids because she gets very angry and doesnt want anyone attempting to do so, even their own grandparents. Their father is a dead-beat dad who has nothing to do with his kids even though he stays only 10 minutes away. Their mother and I have talked about getting married and buying a house together but the longer we live together the more I dont want something I have worked hard to have being destroyed and generally disrespected as they do their own house.I have tried to talk to their mother about how I feel but she just says they are kids and I need to stop acting like a drill sergeant. I am getting to the stage where i dont want my kids around her boys for fear of them picking up any of their bad habits. What should i do? Should i try to stick it out and hope things get better or should I cut my losses and move on?
It's harder blending two
It's harder blending two families together. My ds12 is fond of the word faggot-I pop him on the head everytime he says it-he is saying it less now
He doesnt even know what it means. So overall I think the tempation to use this sort of language is "normal" around that age-but that is where the parent is supposed to step in and correct it. Can you try and appeal to her from a "success" perspective. If he gets so comfortable using douche and faggot in everyday language then he's going to say these things at school and could get suspended. Of if he gets a job in a few years and calls the manager a douche I am thinking that wont go over well. You could tell her how great you think the boys are and you see so much potential in them you just want to help clean up their rough edges so they can be successful in life. If you can say all that with a straight face, maybe she will see that you are trying to help.
The oldest has been suspended
The oldest has been suspended from school a few times for his language, particularly calling other kids those names and also retard and a few others. The oldest child seems to have no respect for anyone, thinks he can talk to anyone howeve he wants including adults. I think it may have something to do with the fact that he put his father on a pedestle, and time and time again his father has let him down and been made out for the liar that he is. I tried to be a good male role model and get both of her kids interested in things to keep them out of trouble and to occupy their time like sports, cars, anything at all. Anything I give suggestions for is either retarded or stupid according to them. This weekend was the first time me and my girlfriend actually had a real arguement where we did speak to each other for 2 days because i told her im sick and tired of being disrespected. Grown men my own age dont speak to me the way these two kids do, and its really getting to the point where i am just thinking of taking off of work one day packing all my things and leaving before she gets home from work.
I have had the displeasure of
I have had the displeasure of hearing my SS11 use the word "gay" in my presence twice. My oldest brother is gay and I do not approve of hearing that word used in a derogatory sense in ANY way, shape, or form in my presence. They do not understand the meaning behind these words and I hate hearing individuals use them in everyday conversations.
I told him: "I don't want to hear that word in my presence ever again. If I hear that word out of your mouth you will be in your room for an hour with no electronics the rest of the day. Do you understand me?!" I was extremely stern. He was dumbfounded and looked at me blankly like I was an alien but he didn't say it again for about a month.
The second time I heard that word I said to him: "SS11, I told you once before I NEVER want to hear that word out of your mouth again. There are younger children around you that have sensitive ears and pick up on bad words. Give me your ipod and go to your room now."
We don't yell at our house, but we do follow a strict rewards/consequences method that seems to have a nice outcome if used properly (well, DH doesn't use it on his amazing angels as much as I'd like, but I sure as hell have pretty good results from it, mostly with the younger children). Like, if they finish their food, they can have a dessert. If they don't finish their food that's fine, but no more snacks the rest of the day. If they don't listen the first time, they get a 1, 2, 3 warning thing and after the "3" they lose whatever privilege they enjoy (computer time, ipod time, etc.) until I say it's okay.
Step up and tell them like it is. There is no reason why they need to be using this language. If the DW won't take a stand, then you do it. You don't want to be out in public somewhere and have them use that language around other people and have you look like an awful person because you let your (step)children talk like a sailor. It's complete disrespect and they should know better. Occasionally, I even say something to strangers when I overhear words like "faggot" and "gay" used in everyday language.
I also don't let my DD or
I also don't let my DD or Skids use the words "retarded", "stupid", call each other "dumb" or any other rude names or words. They are reprimanded for saying these things to each other or using them in their vernacular.