Blended parenting
I am BM and having trouble with Blended parenting with my husband SD. We have 3 SS and they all live with us full time, their BD is in the Military.
My husband doens't have any kids of his own. He is a manager for a living and I feel like he brings those work habits home with him. He is a black/white person, no grey. Kids are not awake w/feet on the floor at 6am then they have to automatically go to bed an hour early. It doesn't matter if they are not feeling well or if there is a change in the schedule. The reason he put this rule into place is because sometimes they will turn off thier alarm. I say as long as they get up and get things done to get out the door on time.. what does it matter. I'm the Mom and I have a hard time getting up on time. I can't hold the kids to the same rule, if I can't follow it myself.
We fight and disagree about parenting all the time.. I tell him to learn some gray area...sometimes you have to roll with it. I choose my battles, something are not worth stressing over. Any suggestions will help!
Wake the heck up already! Six
Wake the heck up already! Six o'clock is a decent time to get the started. And no gray is okay. Take off your rose colored glasses Mom and take a look a yourself. Go to bed an hour earlier - you might need more sleep if you can't wake the heck up.
I've got to vote this as the
I've got to vote this as the stupidest response to date.
Seriously?! Six am to ME is NOT a decent time to get started. Many people do not function well before a certain time, certain people are night owls...certain people like to snooze. YES I agree there should be a decent bed time, and kids should get around 10hrs of sleep...but there are times a later bedtime ocurrs...as long as it's not a standard thing.
I snooze all the time, so do my kids-we are NOT morning people. Somehow we make it to school/work on time and...IMO 6 am is NOT an appropiate time nor never will to get up lol
Seriously? When do your kids
Seriously? When do your kids have to be at school? I get up at 6 am at the absolute LATEST and my DD is up no later than 6:30. It actually *is* normal to get up by 6 am and get ready for the day. (Of course we allow ourselves to sleep later on the weekend but even then DD is usually up before 7:30.)
I *like* to "snooze" but as a parent and a worker, I have to wake up in the morning and freaking deal with it.
We have to leave by 7:20 to
We have to leave by 7:20 to get to school on time, and we usually get up about 6:40-6:50. Really, what's the big deal as long as they are out the door on time??? Some people plan everything out the night before so they don't need as much time in the morning. If it's working fine, why would someone want to make it into a big problem??? Either a control freak, or someone with too much time on their hands, I'd say...
0730 on wknds sounds like a
0730 on wknds sounds like a nightmare to me. My boys now wake up between 0900 and 11am on wknds-YES!!!
Some people are last minute people...nothign wrong with that as long as it gets done.
OK-so my boys IF they take the bus at 0650...get up at 0630 and are dressed and ready by 0650-takes 20mins tops. They eat bkfst at school those days.
If I'm taking them to school-it starts at 0800. We leave the house 0745-0750, it's only a 5 min drive. Those days they are up by 0715 and have bkfst at home.
I like to sleep to the very last drop. I'm NOT a morning person. I'll supervise they are up and getting ready, and go back to bed-until they bus is about to come and I escort to the door or I throw on pants and drive them if they want to be car riders (typically I let them decide the night before since makes no difference to me).
I do NOT need an hour to get ready-it seems so wasteful to me when I could be sleeping LOL. I can put makeup on at work.
Either way-I leave for work around 0830, so if they take the bus i go back to sleep and wake up 20min before time to head up. I throw some clothes on, get my coffee and backpack w/workout clothes already packed and go
I know some people NEED that time to relax, read a paper, have coffee, sit around...NOPE, senseless to ME personally.
OH, I'm a single parent and a worker too...and I don't like and don't have to get up at 0600. There were times I needed to, in my previous position when I traveled more to catch a flight..but not my cup of tea.
Funny about the connection to birth time...both my boys AND myself were born around 0230am...to me staying up to that time is nothign.
You may not agree with it but
You may not agree with it but no need to call it "stupidest"
I know SD is just frustrated
I know SD is just frustrated sometimes. Being a Parent/Step-Parent isn't easy. Our 11 year old is ADD and is in the process of being tested for SPD(sensory processing disorder) he requires assistance in the morning with a lot of patience. We sometimes have to remind him 20+ times to do something. I don't know if any of you have Skids with learning dissabilities, but it puts a new spin on things. I just listed morning wake up as an example of some of the silly things that he stresses about.
@ steptwins..I have no rose color glasses, they are clear..crystal
I just am tired of the stressing about all this little stuff. As long as they get their stuff done and we are out the door on time.. what does it matter what time they are getting up.. ages: 11, 13, 15.. they are not a problem, but when he manages them and puts his thumb on them.. it doesn't help their relationship.
Curious, is SPD the same as
Curious, is SPD the same as SID (Sensory Integration Disorder?) - if so, SD8 was "diagnosed" with SID circa 2008. I noticed the first time I met SD when she was 2 that she was "off" a bit and as she grew older she grew more "strange" and had odd behaviors. It was only when I was the one getting her ready for school in the mornings (when she used to live with us) that I really noticed how "off" she was and that she was actually having a really hard time with things and not just being "defiant". For instance, we had to literally develop a routine for her to follow in the morning and she had to do the exact same things the exact same way every morning or she couldn't function and would panic. One morning, my BD (who was 11) put the tube of toothpaste away when she was done with it and because it wasn't sitting out on the counter when SD went to brush her teeth, she literally didn't know what to do. I found her pacing in the hallway tapping her head muttering to herself "I just don't know..." - she never once asked anyone "where's the toothpaste", or looked in the drawer...nothing. She just lost it and broke down. Shortly after that we took her to a psychologist and she was diagnosed with SID. We were told to get her OT for it and continue counseling which we did for a while but once she went to live with BM, BM felt it was no longer necessary and decided to stop taking SD to counseling.
It sounds to me like your DH
It sounds to me like your DH is not respecting you as a parent. He is the discordant note in an otherwise happy family. He's being a butt head and not endearing himself to the kids. You are right to choose your battles, and you are right to speak up when he overreacts to small stuff they do - your children need to know that the problem is not them, it is him, and that you are not sitting idly by while he causes them grief. Otherwise, they will end up resenting you as well.
Having said that, you need to try to disagree in a respectful way that is a good example to your children.
I guess it depends on what
I guess it depends on what time the kids need to be out of the house. 6am is not too early if they need to be out of the house by let's say 7.
Waking up is an issue in my household. I'm a big time snoozer, so because of that I start the alarm clock at 5:50am so I can snooze until 6:15. At 6:15 I go to my BS13's bed and get under the covers with him. I rub his arms & back & tell him he has 15 minutes to snooze. At 6:30am he's up. He gets dressed, brushes his teeth, eats his breakfast and he's out of the house by 7:15. The bus comes at 7:20. My SS18 however, usually waits until 7:20 to get up even though his bus comes at 7:40. I no longer care whether or not he gets up in time. He knows that if he misses the bus, he's walking to school. Lately, he's been getting up at 7:00 when he hears my son walking around. I guess he got tired of rushing like a looney to get out of the house on time. I insist on a 10pm bedtime, but I know they stay up later. I always tell them I don't want to hear them complain that they are tired because they should go to bed when I tell them to. As they get older it gets harder to enforce a bedtime. Even so, they are in bed at 10 and not walking around the house making noise because my DH and I are in bed early as well.
Here is what I do My dd gets
Here is what I do My dd gets up and ready for the day by the time my ds gets up. My dh leaves well before they get up and I work nights so my dd was having a lot of trouble with ds being ready on time. So i told them both that if ds doesn't get up and ready by the time dd leaves (she drives) then she leaves him home and he can walk to school! That taught my ds to get up and be ready when she leaves.
Now I said that for a reason. My kids have been on their own to get up for a very long time I mean years from the time they were in middle school.
The reason I said that is b/c perhaps your dh needs to just get himself up and worry about himself. Get himself ready and take himself to work and he done. If your kids are younger then yes they do require your help but if they are old enough to do it themselves then let them do it themselves they will NEED to have that skill of getting up themselves up and ready and out the door on time with no help. I wonder if that is where your dh is coming? But he might be going about it the wrong way, start off slow like giving them one task at time till they can do it all by themselves. Just a suggestion.
Hello My3, So you are a BM
Hello My3,
So you are a BM married to a man with no children...and you are here venting to a group of SM's about your DH wanting YOUR sons to get up at 6am...
I'm sure that there is ALOT more going on than just this situation.
You had mentioned your son needs extra time due to his ADD/SPD...my SS8 was diagnosed as PDD and he HAS to go to bed early if there are ANY indications that he's off & that he or his behavior may cause the rest of the house hold to have to go into over drive just to get out the door.
Have you tried talking to your DH about this issue? Maybe couple therapy?
Good luck!
Your DH sounds overbearing.
Your DH sounds overbearing. You and him need to have a talk about parenting and maybe get some counceling. This needs to be done in private away from the kids.
Me and my DH parent along the same lines but my child is mine and I will not let any one run over him. If I think DH is being too hard or nitpicking about something I pull him to the side and we discuss it. Same with his kids..if he don't agree with me We discuss it and come to an acceptable way to handle the situation.
If your DH is causing problems over small stuff the kids will resent him and if you stand by and do nothing they will start resenting you also.
I think anyone who has never been a parent that tries to come in and parent older kids has a hard time knowing what is and is not acceptable. Your DH probably doesn't realize what he is doing.