I would just matter of factly tell her to clean up after herself. That it is not acceptable to bloody your clothes, leave blood on the toilet, and not change your feminine products on a regular basis and then specify what you mean by a regular basis. Tell her she needs to do her own laundry on, again, a regular basis.

If she cant do these things she doesnt need to be visiting. However, if I was grandma i'd kick her out. Why will noone say anything to her? These are basic life skills she needs to learn and she's already 16. How would she even hold down a job if she stinks so bad and leaves blood on the employee toilet? She'd be fired. How is she ever going to have a relationship unless it is with someone equally as nasty?

Is she learning disabled? Has she never been taught these things?

Oh my gosh that is so sad. If it were me, as uncomfortable as it would make me (and it WOULD) I would have a talk with her. She has to be mentally in a VERY bad place to be so diassociated with her sense of self and hygiene.

This is going to sound weird but I would probably sit down with her in her bedroom and say, I want to talk to you about something, and then I wouldn't even face her or make eye contact. I'd just look at the floor, and say "Okay look I know this is awkward and I'm not here to come down on you or lecture but let's go over the whole period thing. Gotta keep those pads changing before they're totally soaked, here's some mini garbage bags to put each one in and roll it up so it's all tidy..." something like that. I might even lie and say "I used to use little garbage bags to wrap up each pad when I was a girl" or "i used to take extra showers if I accidentally got all bloody" or something like that. She will be less defensive that way.

That conversation will get her at least thinking about being cleaner about the whole thing! Even though she has put you through hell before this is something kind for you to do and I bet DH will be so grateful you went the extra step to try to get through to her.

that's nothing my darling SD11 takes her panties off with the used pads still stuck on them and puts them back in her dresser! ewwwwww ewwwww ewwwww. We have had many hygiene talks. She now does her own laundry. (there's no way her clothes are mixing in with anyone else in this family!) and I also keep a tub of clorox wipes handy in the bathroom. She knows I will go apeshipt on her ass if I go in there and there is blood/piss/feces anywhere near the toilet seat. It's a constant struggle. Please please dont tell me I'm still going to have this problem at age 16!!

Good grief, isn't this just basic hygiene? Seriously. Somebody has to confront her or it's going to get worse, or as someone said above, she'll get a job and do the same thing and she'll be out the door. Number one . .it's disgusting to look at/smell and number two . . it's unsanitary . . in this day and age of HIV, MRSA, etc.

It's time to have a long talk w/SD about personal hygiene. Perhaps print some info about it from the internet and discuss it with her. The fact that no one else has addressed it because they are afraid of her is absolutely ridiculous. It's time for you to step up. Somebody has to teach her why this behavior is not acceptable or it's going to continue and the people she encounters later in life will think that the people who raised her were mentally challenged because they didn't teach her the importance of personal hygiene. They're going to think she doesn't know any better.

A few weeks ago my SD had a bad cold and was walking around coughing . . . and not covering her mouth. Now you would think she would know better. I told DH if he didn't tell her I would . so he did. By the way SD is 27 . . . inappropriate behavior has to be addressed.

Good luck.

I feel really bad for your sd I can only imagine what happens when she is at school.....but I cant imagine she thinks this is the way to handle having your period. How does the smell not bother her?? I agree with the other posters I think you must talk to her as soon as you can because she may just overwhelmed and not know what to do. My mom explained everything and she is very thorough so I knew from an early age what good hygiene was a young a lady. Who knows you both may just bond over this. She may look back and thank you for being as nice as you are to be worried about her and her hygiene.

Oh...well guess what I have to DO...I have force my SS16 to take a shower and then I have to make sure he puts on CLEAN UNDERWARE...when I asked him for his dirty clothes...there were no UNDERWARE...big fight...I did not even wait for DH..I told him that I was not going to have his smelly ass living in my house, riding in my car and...now I make him take a shower every night, every morning...and because I am the mean stepmother...I ask him every day..take underware with you..do not make me embarrass you infront of your 6 year old brother but having to check and make sure you are not wearing your underware from yesterday....and 2 months ago when he came to live with us..he had really bad acne...and guess what it is gone because now I also make him wash his face...I don't care anymore...I say whatever I am thinking...because that is GROSS!

I have had similar issues with my SD15. She use (and probably still does) go in the bathroom, run the shower, and NOT GET IN? WTF? Number #1 - why aren't you in the tub? Number #2 - if you aren't going to take a bath, don't waste our freaking water!!! How nasty. Another thing she use to do when I called her out on that was take a shower, but not use any soap!! WTF2? What's the use if you are going to get your body all wet and not use soap? DH didn't realize it because he didn't pay that much attention to it. But I notice everything. One thing I did notice with SD15 is that when she messes up her underwear, she just throws those puppies away. I was taught to go in the bathroom and clean them out with soap and cold water. Guess no one taught her this. She has gotten better as it relates to her 'time of the month' but not in regards to taking a bath. I want her to take a bath at least every 24 hours. That's my rule in my house. I hate getting in a bed and it smells like funk - but maybe SD15 is used to it. I'm not!

Good luck on talking with her. I think you have an opportunity to explain to her how normal people live.

When my sister got 'lazy' my mother threatened to hang the dirty clothing on our front hedge and pin a sign stating whose clothing it is.

If she gets defensive you can tell her to either sharpen up her act or the offensive pictures (and you WILL take them) will be put up on Facebook and tagged with her name.

I guess I am naive but I had no idea females could be so gross. I have never been around a female who has done anything like that. I'm not sure even telling her is going to be a solution. She has to know? Someone has told her before, right? Hand her the clorox wipes and tell her to clean it, you'll be in shortly to check her work. Point to the trash can and talk to her like she is 3 "this is where the pads go when you are done with them. In here, you see this, HERE. They don't stay in your underwear, they don't go in your room. They go in HERE, all while pointing to the trash can".

Tell her she has to change it 3 times a day otherwise she will get an infection which requires a shot (needles!) LOL maybe that will frighten her.

Sadly, contrary to Retro's comment - these girls do not have a learning disability - I have on a number of occasions while tidying the bedroom of my SDs 16 & 14, found used sanitary pads and bloodstained clothing put back into underwear drawers with clean clothes. Despite the fact that there is a sign on the wall (yes!) in the bathroom saying put sanitary protection in here" (pointing to bin!) And they know that should they run out of sanitary protection they can use mine and I have shown them which drawer to get it from in my room.
I blame the BM - she is a slovenly cow who hasn't taught them basic hygiene.

OMG, I thought I was the only one with a SD15 who did crap like this. Sorry to find out I'm not. I don't get it, are they just evil, ignorant, or all around just nasty people. I can't say anything because I'm called mean by DH when I do and since SD has problems with social skills he says she'll take it wrong. I really couldn't care less how she takes it. Wake the hell up and act your age.

Well you are not alone. Ive had same problem with my own daughter & was beside myself in disbelief not to mention grossed out ewwwww ,but I sat her down & told her that would not be happening anymore that she needed to practice better hygiene. Needless to say she felt very embarrassed & hasn't done it again,but I agree with all ladys it has to be confronted & not tolerated. As mothers & grandmothers its up to us to teach our daughters these things. I hope this helps & I wish you luck!

Firefly39

What in the world is wrong with these kids? I never once thought about doing any of that crap. I am very self conscious about smelling bad or even smelling just a little off. I always put on fragranced lotions and body sprays and perfumes. I strive to smell pleasant and delicious at all times. Ewwww. I can't imagine going out in public or even walking around my house smelling foul, I just find it so ODD that they do it on purpose. :O

My SD8 has had nasty body odor for the past year and a half. I didn't even know it was possible for kids that young to have body odor. I guess I was just a late bloomer, but I didn't have/notice ANY b.o. until I was like 13 or so. It's SO disgusting, like nasty gym socks and onions and vomit all rolled into one. I had to go buy her deodorant, and the worst part is, is that DH cannot smell a thing!! He even tried to blame it on my daughter and her feet. I had him walk right up to his own daughter and smell her pits & guess what!? He still claimed he couldn't smell it. I was flabbergasted. I guess maybe he just didn't want her to feel embarrassed or something. At least I hope that's why he said what he did...

Children and even Adults that behave in this way normally have an underlying psychological problem that is not being addressed and these could be;

Fear of Water.
Fear of being seen naked.
Fear of being 'close' to others.
Feeling of being 'unloved' or 'unwanted'

Normally if the problem is that bad, the school welfare officer would get involved and anyone with a child (male or female) that is behaving like this would be advised to speak to the school welfare officer if ALL ATTEMPTS to speak to the child fails to get to the bottom of the problem.

When you talk to a child, treat them as you would an adult, do NOT admonish them, they will simply close up, you need to find the CAUSE of this behaviour if it is to be dealt with.

Sounds like she's suffering from depression to me. Has she been to a therapist?

Hi there, new here and been going through the posts - but this one hits really close to home. When I was 13/14 years old and going through some really intense family upheaval, I had similar problems. I wasn't learning disabled, and BM/Aunt/GM didn't neglect teaching me proper hygiene. I just didn't feel that my body was important enough to take care of.

My parents (both alcoholics, and my BF was sexually abusive) went broke and sent my sister and I to the other side of the country to live with my BM's sister. Over the next couple of years my BM would get her act together, get sober, and divorce my BF, which was a relief. But before that, I was thrust into a brand new situation in a completely alien environment (a stable home?!? how novel!). At the time, it was actually disturbing to see how a family was supposed to function. I was in therapy and cam out with the abuse, and was repeatedly told by my fabulously inept counselor what a poor little victim I was. She used that word over and over. The whole family repeated it. And on top of it all, I was stuck in a hormonal whirlwind, with people focusing more on what was "wrong" with me that needed fixing than on how to see myself as beautiful, unique, special, etc. I didn't know how to feel okay with myself.

So my body was invisible to me. I refused to wear a bra and would wear two or three shirts instead, even in 95 degree heat. No deodorant. No soap. Clothes not washed, piled in the closet and worn over and over again. Teased at school because of the smell. Shamed at home. Believe me, the Facebook thing? BAD IDEA. This kind of behavior seems like is a symptom of self-shame (No, abuse is not the source of the shame, though it definitely has an effect).

I think we all go through similar things during puberty, but some girls just take it further than others. I realize that I don't know this young lady, but I'm thinking that this has nothing to do with trying to bother you, and everything to do with what is going on in her brain. Don't take it personally. Don't try to guilt her or tell her she's disgusting. It might stop the behavior, but it won't stop the cause of it, and she will always remember how you made her feel when she was at her most vulnerable.

So, what made me stop? I grew my hair out, started high school, and started working. Around adults, not a "typical" teenage job. My uncle mentored me and started teaching me skills I could be proud of. As I gained self esteem, I stood up straighter and started to care about how I looked, dressed, and, yes, smelled. The behavior melted away like fog.

Hope this perspective helps - I know every kid has different experiences and responses to them. So, maybe get her some therapy. Maybe anti-depressants. But help her find a way to feel some pride in herself. Focus on the problem, not the symptom.

Best wishes to you and yours.

My (adopted) son is 19, but omg we fought over showers like crazy at 16! He just wanted to do other things - showers were boring - and it was a nightmare. He wouldn't change his clothes, either, without major battles.

My partner's teenage brother (who lives with us) won't wash his clothing, primarily due to a mental health condition, for which he refuses help. The smell is terrible. We battle over it, and a million other things, and the combination of teenagerhood and OCD and who knows what else - I'm just ready to lose my mind. His attitude sucks, too, and that's probably the worst.

I wish it were as easy as sitting them down and explaining proper hygiene, but that requires them caring about proper hygiene more than they care about the things that are motivating them to not take a shower. And if it's mental illness or a developmental disability (as both our kids face, the first in my partner's teenage brother and the second in my son), there are a lot of other things going on that mean your priorities and their priorities are not aligned.

Reeny511 - I had exactly the same thing, used towels in a drawer! Gross!

The only thing I can suggest for this problem is to confront her about her hygiene. My Mother has a similar problem with one of my Step Brothers who absolutely stinks! He's in his 30's and still lives at home and probably will forever!

Address the issue soon or you could be stuck with your SD like my Mother is with my SB! Good Luck

i had this issue with 3 of my four skids. Their BM abandoned them, so they were dealing with abandonment issues, and my DH didn't really deal with the hygiene issue very well because he didn't want to "hurt their feelings." i told him it was our job as parents to tell them that they smelled because nobody else would tell them that they smelled.

His kids would come home after working out and wouldn't shower and would be all sweaty and gross, and then would sit on the furniture. Needless to say, that couch is now garbage! I began making them shower as soon as they came home. It was a battle!

The youngest SD(now17) had horrific body order, but she didn't know it -- so i bought her deoderant -- and the boys deoderant and told them that they needed to wear it otherwise they stunk. I made my DH start wearing it too. He thought it was sufficient enough to just shower. But the youngest SD didn't know she stunk and my DH didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I told him we had to tell her because people don't want to be around people who have really bad BO and kids can be cruel about that stuff. And now she is really good about taking care of her body and her hair, etc.

Now her bedroom can still get gross, but overall its pretty good. Thankfully i don't have to deal with the gross bloody pads. When she first started her period i did end up having to explain to her how often to change them and to wrap them up because nobody wants to see that.

I'm just not shy about explaining stuff to them because it is just a fact of life. i treat them if they were my own kids -- if my own child stunk I'd tell her. i dealt with that with my own biological daughter when she first started sweating and it's just a matter of teaching her.

if nobody teaches her, then she just doesn't know. And it can be done in a loving way that doesn't make her feel crappy when done too. Best of luck!

Sounds like she has mental health issues similar to my SS19 as this is not normal behavior for any teen much less a 16 year old girl. My SS19 started acting similarly from the time he was 13 until today - doesn't like to bath, wears dirty, nasty clothes that stink, will not wash his hair, will not brush his teeth. He got so bad at one point that he literally tore the plumbing from the shower stall walls in the only bathroom we have in our home all so he wouldn't be forced to clean his stinky body. To make matters worse, he tore up the hot water heater in our camper which we were using to shower while the entire bathroom shower stall was being replaced. Good luck!