Whoops she did it again!
UPDATE. Well SD 35 again tried to contact my youngest bio(Bio2) by using her children! 
She had her oldest kid (SG1) call on H's phone asking to speak to either Bio1 or Bio2. Neither were available so SG1 asked for him to get Bio2 to call her. Doormat that he is H relayed the message to Bio2. For some reason H can never seem to remember how much turmoil this places on Bio2 to be used like this! Last time Bio 2 told him that she did not want to talk to SD 35 and when he tried to pressure her to talk she became extremely upset and told him that SD 35 was NOT HER SISTER! Since SD 35 had no real relationship with Bio2 before this all happened 3 years ago and because SD 35 is 22 years older than bio2 I do not find bio2's reaction to be unexpected!
However, I was so bothered by how upset bio2 became at H for trying to make her talk to SD 35 again (this was the second or third time this has happended) that I spoke up for her that night and again the next day after she had left for school. I explained to H (since it seems he is too dense to recognize this on his own) that even if he succeeded in getting either of our bios to talk to SD 35 - SD 35 will never NEVER like or work on a relationship with him!!!! SD 35's only goal is to meddle in our lives, use her kids to try to get some control over us, and get that free babysitting going again! H seemed to understand at that time that what I said was true but obviously this understanding lasts only until the next time SD 35 or her spawn calls. I did not tell bio2 not to call SD 35's spawn - I just told her to not do it on her cellphone as I did not want them to get her number to allevaite further harrassment. BIO2 on her OWN decided to not return the call.
HOPEFULLY ALL THESE DUMBER THAN DIRT PROPLE WILL FIGURE OUT THAT THIS IS GETTING THEM NOWHERE, ALL THEY ARE DOING BY HARRASSING BIO2 IS REINFORCING IN HER MIND THAT SHE NOW HAS A REASON TO STAY CLEAR OF ALL OF THEM, INCLUDING THE SGs!!!!!!!!
I figured that H would get an angry call about his not making bio2 call SG back but SD 35 this time showed restraint. :O
When I think back it has become clear to me how much SD 35 got off on using my home to drop her kids off to while she and BM 60 ran around town. According to SD 35 I am a horrible SM but ironically a good enough babysitter to keep the SGs! I can not count the times that I tried to do something special with just my bios on one of my few days off work when one of our phones would ring and one of the SGs would ask to come over. SD 35 NEVER CAME OUT AND ASKED US TO BABYSIT SHE SIMPLY ENLISTED HER KIDS TO DO IT FOR HER!!! SGs would cry and beg - if need be. If I ever told SD 35 through the SGs that they couldn't come over the Biotch SD 35 would immediately have SGs call H to beg or cry to him - thinking that he would demand that I do so and oveturn me. STUPID BIOTCH SD 35! I only did it if I wanted to and ITS MY HOUSE!!!!!!! SD 35 may have gotten H to call me but he NEVER DARED to tell me anything if I did not want to do it. So Biotch if you ever read this please know that I only kept them when and if I wanted to - your manipulation did not accomplish anything but put me onto what you were doing - trying to control me though your kids much the same as your mother tried to do for years and I am so done with THAT.
SD 35 may now try to tell me how H is such a "wonderful" man but her actions in the past and now show she REALLY does not believe this because she has given EVERY RIDICULOUS excuse in the book to explain why she CANNOT try to reconnect with her "wonderful daddy"! Other than these manipulative calls to bios and a few calls to daddy asking for advice about house construction SD 35 has not tried to reconnect with her dad (the calls were probably a ploy to try to impress us and build up her low self esteem with her mention that she has future plans to build a grandiose new home - her husband wants to build NOW BUT SHE WANTS TO WAIT - ;)!
H has not initiated any contact with SD 35 at all despite my reminding him to call SD 35 (after the horrendous phone call I endured). Oh well - not my problem, they are both adults.
However, since I had noticed that H would not call SD35, I asked why? H informed me that SD 35 and SS 36 had made all recent contact with him so miserable that he simply did not want to call or talk to them.
Yet somehow I (as SM) am to blame for all of this!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am extremely doubtful that SD 35 and SS 36 will ever recognize that it was their own actions that have gotten them here because mommy (BM 60) told them it was LongtimeSM's fault!!!!!
Somehow I have the power and control to put all of that nasty attitude and words into their mouths!!!!!!...... WOW!!! If I could only capitialze on that ability!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Franchise anyone?????? What should I name my new enterprise?????
Your second bio needs to stop
Your second bio needs to stop being used and I would definately take a strong stand with this. I wonder if your husband feels some guilt and so lets this continue? I think you ahve ever right to be frustrated. Getting thru to our husbands who want to try and keep peace ends up with us being trampled too many times over. Keep standing up for what you believe in. I did over and over again.....finally stepsons started attacking their father and it was then that he had a change of heart but up until that point he felt I should be trying harder. Funny how things look different when they finally affect us.
AVR 1962 - Yes H does feel
AVR 1962 - Yes H does feel quilt at some level but I really think that he hopes that our bios talking to adult steps and SG's will help ease the way for him to then have a relationship..... I think I mentioned before that H does not put a lot of effort into seeing adult steps and the reasons are - 1) that the adult steps have been so ugly over and over to him he is now gun shy and 2) since I no longer agree to invite them to my house and refuse to put up with their passive agressiveness and their outright rudeness it would mean that he would have to actually make an effort to see them and he does not want to put forth that little extra effort.
Not my problem - they are all adults - besides bios do not want to see them so why would I place bios or myself in their vicinity again without significant and I mean significant time and demonstrated REAL and NOT PRETEND change on their part? I already put up with years of SD's :sick: pretend behavior and I am not willing to do that any longer.
Adult steps should not take this lack of interst on H's part personally - he is the same way with our bios - he has to want to do something with them to actually make the effort.
At least that is my observation. Not the most endearing quality on his part but he is what he is and adult steps need to get over it and move on.
H is unlikley to change for anyone. Adult steps need to accept this and work with what good qualities he does have as he will never be this ideal person that they are demanding. Adult steps need to realize that although they may wish for a differant type of relationship, H does have good qualities and nothing he has done or not done (either real or imagined by themselves) has risen to the level that they should bear so much hatred towards him. Do NOT see this ever happening though!
Maux I agree fully with your
Maux I agree fully with your comments:
"I wish they would LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN ALONE!!!! They have NO INTEREST in your children...they only want to cause you grief with their STUPID POWER STRUGGLES.
Why in the WORLD is he promoting them talking to your kids? It is not for YOUR Kids....seriously do these thirty-something jerks NEED to be in contact with YOUR children to get on with life? NO."
It is obvious that step adults have no real interest in our bios based upon how little interaction they had with them before the big arguement over H's inheritance three years ago. All of a sudden they both LOOOOVVVVVEEEEE the bios sooooooooo much!!!!!! :sick:
They actually had made the habit of either not coming to their
birthday parties or showing up hours late so I know first hand how much they loooooved them before all of their numerous adult temper tantrums over the past 3 years.
Like I said in the earlier response, H is encouraging the contact because he thinks this will make it easier for him to get back into contact. When I pointed out that his adult kids still WOULD NEVER LIKE HIM NO MATTER WHAT HE DID he knows and agrees this to be true but seems to secretly want to believe the impossible will happen. VERY AGGRAVATING SITUATION FOR BOTH MYSEF AND MY BIOS TO DEAL WITH.
H stated he knows now that based upon adult steps sick attachment to vindictive BM 60 that there is no way that he can really ever hope for a normal relationship with either adult skid. Vindictive BM 60 would take any relationship with H as a threat and would demand total allegiance from her minions either through manipulation or some other tactic to get the desired result!
I may resort to an intervention with H SOON with the bios telling him how we feel and basically all telling him to STOP placing them in this position.
Obviously nothing will stop the adult steps. Repeated rebuffs coming directly from bios just does not seem to make the message clear enough - adult steps and Biotch BM 60 just do not want to give up on their power plays - despite the fact that things have repeatedly blown up in their face time and time again!!!!! After all they are not to blame for thier now reaping the repurcusions of being so ugly to H - no it's LT SM's fault for not making H chase after them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It just never ENDS!!!!!!!!