I can't really relate to the gift card thing since my husband and I only get presents for the kids on Christmas but I have a couple of questions about the dynamics in your situation . . .

You said that DH bought gifts for SD and yourself and you bought for your BS, but did you DH buy for your BS? Did you buy for your SD and DH?

What were those gifts?

I think a gift card is a default gift for when you don't know what to get or don't have time to shop . . . I hate shopping for adults but love shopping for kids (and do have a tendency to go overboard) so I've done the same thing as your DH.

Sorry you feel shorted but from what you've written I'm not thinking that was the intent . . .

I feel your pain in this situation...I too have the same problem with my BF, of 3 years. I understand that his son lives in another city, and I know he really only gets to see him 3 times a year (Spring Break, Summer and Christmas)...but come on! Yes, my BF splurges on my SS(12) and yes, I have jealosy issues with his realtionship with his son as well. This Christmas we spent money separately on our children, my BS(6) got only a few of the things he wanted because I was trying to be reasonable about the finances, being that my BF has been unemployed and just recently got a job. I thought he would think the same way being that we have bills coming, but no he got 4 of the things he asked for on his list, and they were not cheap. When I asked him if he could purchase one of the gifts for my son, he just turned into an *ss and told me that I was unappreciate for all the things he has done for me and my son in the past and that I should be able to take care of my own kid. He gave me the money, but he told me that I was using money that he planned on spending on his son and I was being selfish. WTF!

I even purchased him a couple of really nice things for Christmas, and do you know what I got? A $50 sterling silver ring. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, but come on its the principle here. We are supposed to be a family, I would think that when it comes to Christmas or the children's needs, we talk about it and they come first. But no - he has always displayed what I consider "favoritism" toward his son. I feel as if my son and I are a third-party in his life.

May I suggest that you learn to put you and your child first. As much as you can and within reason. I have. I beginning to learn as a SP you make huge sacrifices, and sometimes ones you really don't want to do. But do the best you can, I know you feel like a third-person next to your SD. But don't sweat the small stuff. Take your gift card and buy yourself something you really like, that only you can enjoy to yourself. But going foward don't set such high expectations about the next Christmas getting any better. I hate to sound like such a pesimist, but its reality. Don't drive yourself into insanity over this. Ok, so you know the game. My BF is just as clueless as your DH. I know someone will say, "Did you talk to him? Did you try to reason with him?" For what? When it comes to their BS/BD they will not listen. And to be honest when you get right down to it. We are all like that when it comes to our children. Just blendingtwo families is a challenge. We all have different ideas about how we should raise our children. It has taken me 3 years to learn this.

I realize your situation is a bit different than mine, with your SD being a live-in. But even when my SS is here for two weeks out of each break, its not easy because I know that when he arrives the man I love is gone somewhere else, and I become a party of one. But that's ok, because I've learned to "Do Me" and I spend as much time with my kid as possible. And I let him be with the person he loves above all other things.

Did your DH have a clue what you wanted?
My DH gets so clueless I have to circle ads in the paper so he can see what I would love as a gift.

Unless you TELL him you are feeling left out you will continue to be left out.

Insist on a date night when she is there. Take in a movie and dinner. Or a movie and a walk in the night air. It sounds like you need to reclaim the reason he married you ... as a partner and not a surrogate mother for his poor little girl whose mother doesn't want her all the time.

Don't judge her mother without specifics. I let my ex have our 2 youngest (11 and 14) for 2 years and they lived in another country. He is a great dad but a lousy husband (for me) so i could think of no reason why he shouldn't have them for a couple of years. Maybe he is a better parent than her. Has she mental health issues that make her an absolutely impossible parent? or maybe she is a selfish witch?

Instead of being jealous (which is very understandable) distract him from his Super-Daddyness with your 'womanly wiles'.

Once I stopped getting pissy with DH when he goofed up yet again and allowed his sons to ride over him and used what only 'I' could give him as a reward for standing his ground ... life is pretty good. Until he works it all out! I am sure there is a way you can distract him when he starts the daily trumpetting about SDs most recent accomplishments. I can distract him so he doesn't even remember what we were talking about!

You sound like a brat. Christmas is mostly about kids. I would be happy to get a $50 GC for Christmas. Get over yourself.

unhappy1, you're gonna get some really harsh replies from some of the members beacuse for some reason there's a few who are so unhappy, bitter, and twisted, they can't see further than their own noses. So take the insults with a pinch of salt.

Having said that though... I understand your view. I am not gonig to harp on the $50 gift card, there's other elements in your post I'd like to comment on. Its not right that one child gets treated more special because the parent earns more. Its a home. Your child will become resentful, and feel that he's getting the shorter end of the stick. Your SO's daughter may very well become a brat and make your child feel bad.

As for bio mom's who can't look after their own chidren, god knows I don't understand that. i am also a bio mom - my SO's son lives with bio mom - which is a huge source of frustration to her. She'd like FSS7 to live with us, but I put my foot down. She is not crazy, she can look after him, so I don't see why i must mother her child who clearly hates me. from the first day we met he decided he does nto like me. I tried to incorporate him into our family, but he became more and more out of hand. I used to arrange for us to go away for weekends, and ask my SO to please let his son come with us, so we can bond. I used to buy him nice things.... but his son is an entitled little brat, and I refuse to deal with his abuse to my child. I then put my foot down.

Nature designed women to be nurturers and home-makers. Across most species, its the female who takes care of the offspring. Now for a woman to go against nature and smear her offpring onto another woman is just plain down unnatural to me.

honey i feel ya, however, how bout BUYING YOUR OWN i havn't really had christmas under the tree in YEARS because dh is out of work (going on 2 years) and he'll ask me for money to buy me one, but i wont give it because (thankfully he undertands) i'm not buying my own.

My DH is so generous and always buys me little things....but boys will be boys and you seem to get them when you dont need them and when you have had crap from skids and feel like shit...nothing comes your way.

This year (my 2nd xmas too) I said....lets not buy anything for each other...instead lets make something for each other....cos at the end of the day I have everything I want...and so too does he....

so I made him an album of our wedding with mostly him and his friends/kids/family in it...it was a 20buck bound book photo print done at CVS....he loved it...

and I got a windscreen scraper for my car.....WTF????

im actually LOL over it as I type...cos i love him so much...

oh hang on...it came with cloves....and I noticed it was brought at safeways...so im still waiting for my hand made pressie....

I think we will do this type of exchange again this year...it was fun