Get your son a chain around he can put the key on that he can hang around his neck. My SS does that.

I'm sorry, I've forgotten my keys as an adult! Perfection is hard to attain, and it sounds like your DH is setting it so that your son can never do any right. That will lead to a lot of friction in your marriage, keep up with the counseling. It will be a long road for all three of you. It sounds to me like DH has an issue with the fact that your SS is living under his roof.

And I am sorry but if DH is going to act childish about forgetting a key, then I would hide a key for my kid to get into a house that is mine as well.

I completely understand your DH disciplining your son. I too would have left him outside for a period of time. I too would have chewed his ass. I would have been wrong just as your DH was with the ass chewing but I would have done it. The 20mins on the front stoop would have been enough followed by a calm "where is your key?". The ass chewing was taking it too far.

As my SS-18's StepDad I insist on being an equity parent to him. He lives in the home that his mom and I provide and I have equal say in discipline and equal responsibility.

I believe your DH should insist on the same authority in his home.

I have been his full time dad since he was 1yo so we have significantly more history and interface than your DH has with your son. But, I struggle with many of the issues and feelings that your DH seems to.

Before this gets to out of hand I would take your DH to dinner and let him know that you understand the difficulties he is having being the full time dad to your 15yo son, that you understand how infuriating a forgetful 15yo boy can be for DH to deal with and that you appreciate his acceptance of DS-15 in the home. However, you also need to let him know that you require him to recognize that DS-15 is a kid who has had little structure, is trying to fit in to your and DH's home and to deal with transitioning from childhood to young adulthood and when DH is ready to blow a gasket on DS-15 he needs to send DS-15 to his room, retreat to a calm place and think it through before he goes off on DS.

This is incredibly difficult to do and I struggle with it frequently. Some times I can follow my own advice and sometimes I let my frustration over run my brain. When I do loose I am wrong. It can take some time for me to admit it and to make things right with my SS when I do it but I am wrong.

This is what I would do. My wife has done it several times with me over the years. When she is slow to address discipline with my SS-18 I have let her know that if she does not step up and get it done then I will and if she does not like how I do it then she had better get it done before I have to.

Since you were not home, it is on DH as the adult to act as an adult and not intimidate a 15yo. Again, hard for many men to do. It is for me but if DH insists on following DS-15 around chewing his ass for a relatively minor infraction then things can and will go down hill in your home very quickly.

I have struggled with this issue to varying degrees since my SS-18 was 1yo. That has not prevented us from becoming a close family and my son and I having a good and mutually respectful relationship. It is work, and it is difficult but it is possible.

Hang in there mom.

Best regards,

There should be a consequence, but not locking him out. your husband is being spiteful and behaving like a 15 year old himself. The two of you need to come up with an appropriate form of punishment for him losing or forgetting his key.

He's only lived with you guys for 6 months. I'm sure being he is coming from a nonstructured household, he has a lot of adjusting to to. Perhaps your husband could cut the kid a little slack. Jeez.

I agree with the couselor. You need to be the disciplinarian at this stage.

I agree dh was harsh by not letting him in. But your son needs to be more responsible. Have him keep his key on a keychain attaches to his backpack. Most have a place for keys anyway. Or have him keep it in his wallet if he has one. Not being responsible is a pet peeve of mine. Next time he forgets his key then you get to 'forget' to take him somewhere he wanted to go or 'forget' about something that would bother him. Also, after he gets home remind him to put his key in the designated spot. Watch him do it. Do this until he learns. Being treated like a baby will aggravate him but also get him to do it on his own.

Your DH should discipline not out of anger but calmly. With a series of consequences for when DS forgets his keys. I think he should have the chain around his neck or something like that.

Conversely, the counselor is living in the dark ages saying that only the bioparent should discipline. That's if you're disengaged. And it's quite obvious that you are trying to present a united front for the sake of your child. I would approach DH out of earshot of DS and talk to him about how you can get this resolved without him ranting in anger.

Keyless entry via garage door? Sure its great convenience for them and anyone else that wants to get in. My skids don't seem to know how to close it...just open it. More than once the door is left wide open b.c. they used garage keyless pad to enter when they felt like coming home long after we are asleep. Age 14 - can come home or stay out all night. Whatever they want to do, its fine w/DH. I have disengaged but it freaks me out to be asleep w/that garage door wide open, husky sleeping in his crate. Home security is a huge bone of contention for me.

he's a teenager, he's GOING TO FORGET HIS KEY, that's how they LEARN. i think your dh is being a bit mentally abusive if you ask me. tell son if he forgets his key, to go to neighbor's/friends house close by until you get home

when I was a kid if I forgot my key and it was wintertime I would go into our yard and climb into the dog house with our big dogs to stay warm til my mother could get home.lol it only took 3 times of that before I didn't forget my key anymore.our neighbors were too far away and i didn't have a cellphone so I was pretty much screwed til mom arrived.I fully agree with what your husband did because the dog house thing happened for me when I was 12.By 15 I NEVER forgot my keys...it's called being responsible for yourself and not constantly relying on others bail you out(make special concessions for your forgetfulness and inability to keep track of something as important as a housekey.)

Ok-I'll say it I DESPISE men like this-I despise step-parents coming in and acting all "i'm in control now" with the kids w/out ever even trying to earn the kids like/respect before trying to discipline.

My friend is stuck w/one of those assholes because she's pregnant-and her kids HATE him. He does kind of stuff the OP does.

MASSIVE failure on parts of mom for allowing this kind of verbal abuse and emotional. He's only been there less then 6 months-his ROLE is to back the mother up w/discipline and simply build a relationship of mutual respect, trust and kindness. THAT is it. ONCE that is established then SLOWLY he can take on more of a role in discipline.

This out right ranting at him, locking him out or threatening to have him STAY out when he is 15 is likely illegal.

Sorry-your husband is an asshole, should know his place in your sons life and it's not the role he's in now. YOU as his mother can stand up for him-and you need to be the one to help teach him responsibility /consequences for the key and your H can support you.

Men that want to jump the gun w/this power trip ego macho, i'm in control bullshit make me want to puke-know your damn place.

I am 2 years in a relationship w/a man my kids even want to call dad ....and he has never once abused his authority-he has made it a point to build a relationship with them-He'll back me up-he'll say thing calmly to them-....eventually I'm sure he might even be able to "pick up the tone"...but why would he jump into this w/the kid not even living there 6 months??

Of course they don't like eachother and hate eachother-the man is on a power trip, he doesn't care about earning the kids respect whatsoever. He'll bully his point across.

Geesh sky...so sorry! YEP..the control freaks man/woman are normally like this-want to run right in and run the show and become disciplinarian w/out building the relationship first.
And truth be told-if you can't build a decent relationship at all then the role should likely never change past backign the parent up or talking to the bio-parent and encourging discipline.

THere are WAYS to get to the comfort point of discipline-NN prohibiting your son from coming-what an idiot. LIke I said-can't stand men like this-OR women for that matter.
Reminds me of the "stepfather" movie.

I think he was over the top as well. I am all for consequences and responsibility. But I think it should be natural consequences-obviously if noone is home than he's going to get the consequence of waiting outside until someone is home. If someone is home and refuses to allow him into the home-that's just childish. I dont understand what the issue even is-does he forget his key inside the house? That's not a security concern. I guess there is a security concern if you are saying he has lost it in the past-but thats not what happened on this occassion. The only one that suffers when he forgets his key is him-when noone is home. It does not even affect your dh-so why does he even care?

To me this is micromanagement. He needs to back off. A discussion perhaps as a family as a good place for your son to put his key so he doesnt lose it or forget it again is a great way to teach problem solving. I guess if he Loses his key again-your dh can go buy new locks and have your son pay for them. That to me, is more of a natural consequence than a stepfather standing inside saying nanny nanny boo boo while looking out at your son.

Also many, many people hide keys somewhere on their property. Just goes to show that all of us, even adults forget sometimes and we are all human. It does sound as if your dh is a bit of a control freak. Your son has only been there about 6 months-maybe he's never had to carry a key-maybe hes stressed out over an overcontrolling sf who freaks out on him everytime he makes a mistake.

I agree with your counselor. You should be primary disciplinarian-that doesnt mean your kid should disrespect your dh-he shouldnt. Household rules should be discussed between you and your dh and consequences discussed ahead of time. Then when he breaks a rule you should deliver it if at all necessary so that your son sees that YOU expect him to follow rules, not just the stepfather. As a closer relationship (hopefully) begins to build with stepdad then he can ease into some of the discipline. I just see this as a fairly new situation with a stepdad that's trying to take charge.

I think he was over the top. I installed a coded door knob on my old house. Best $130.00 ever spent. No keys needed.

Overit2 said it PERFECTLY. I despise those so-called men as well.

OK, so he made your son sit outside for a while. Then he followed him through the house ragging on him. What a bully.

I wouldn't get in the car with him either for an appointment.

I would have made him wait outside, and thrown him a key out the window. Once he was inside I would tell him that he will have to wait for an adult to get home for the rest of the week. Next week he can have his key back.

Although I suspect Karma will visit your husband when he forgets his keys and asks to 'borrow' yours. Just smile and say "Let's ask *son* what we do about people who forget their keys."

Right now he is an arsehole.