What to do about kids lying???
Joined today b/c I'm completly at a loss over 9yo SS behavior... Long story but bottom line today is- how to handle constant LIES?! SS lies to avoid getting consequences for his choices. I will literally SEE the child doing something & he will deny it! When I ask him about it his reply usually goes like....
SS: "Nooooo I wasn't throwing the ball on the roof, it must've just somehow landed up there"
ME: "Umm are you sure b/c Im positive I just saw you point, aim & laugh afterwards???"
SS: "No, I didn't" -insert SHOCKED expression & high pitched baby voice-
So then DH usually comes along b/c he hears I might possibly be correcting the little darling & I'm faced with basically telling him oh btw your kids a liar or just ignore & excuse the behavior. Lord knows if SS gets reprimanded I'll get the look of death from him & he'll do it again anyway. This happens ALL DAY long. I'm drained & nervous, like I'm anxiously awaiting SS's next idea... will it be soaking our little dog this time or hurling rocks at the neighbors fence? The only peaceful time is if I just stay in another room so I don't see him doing anything, but that is no way to live for 1/3 of my life! I know boys will be boys & that is awesome, I love kiddos! I have roudy boys of my own & I'm pretty tolerant about messes, accidents & whatever comes our way- but this kid is sneaky & manipulative 24/7! Last week SS openly admitted he doesnt like me b/c I don't baby him & give him what he wants! Ummm yea, thats b/c I love you & would like you to be a productive member of society!!! So what do I do? B/c if I hear another insincere "Sooooorry daaaaaddy" I may flip out. I thought mabye I should try & detach? The tension @ our house right now is insane, litterally I feel nauseous. I told DH I can't live like this anymore-
The key to this is your DH.
The key to this is your DH. He has to support you in correcting his child. Kids lie. The issue is what consequence the kid gets for lying. When my kids were growing up it was made clear that they would get in so much more trouble for lying.
Tell you DH that it is his responsibility to teach his little darling that lying doesn't cut it. And let him know that if he doesn't teach him, there are plenty of authoritive figures that will teach him once he becomes part of the judicial system.
Totalybogus is right-kids
Totalybogus is right-kids lie. Its not unusual. A key part is as all of u mature in the relationship, you don't lie, especially to them. Since as adults, we "constructively" lie all the time, its important to carve out those bounderies. Lying has a social function, which is to not be so brutally honest that people feel bad. Lying in terms of what your kids are doing in your home because they FEEL the need to lie is something else.
Kids DO lie, but it's the
Kids DO lie, but it's the parent's obligation to correct them. Since your DH will NOT support you, it's time to disengage. Is the house in your name? If not I'd let the little wrecker destroy everything that ISN'T yours. Disengagement means just letting DH deal or not deal with his own children UNTIL it comes to YOU and your personal property.
If it gets "personal" then you have the right to protect yourself and your property? Sounds like living under hostile captivity? Yep. It is. The other way it to ditch DH until he comes to his senses and starts parenting the traditional way (if he ever does; some never do)
Update... I took the advice &
Update... I took the advice & decided to completely level w/ DH. Deep down I knew that's what had to be done but reading everyone's comments totally validated my feelings. It got brutally honest in there but surprisingly DH took it really well. He confronted SS about the constant lies & cold shoulder he gives me- DH basically told SS in no uncertain terms that I wasn't going anywhere so this latest manipulative tactic was no longer welcome in our home & would be handled with zero tolerance. All I can do now is hope for the best... time will tell if DH sticks to his guns.
During DH's speech to SS he asks the kid, "Son, do you lie to me too?" SS relied "Yea, all the time but you never catch me like SHE does... that's why I don't like her"! No doubt the teenage years will be interesting with this child! lol