Going to court--need advise please!
I'm going to try to keep this short.. I am the SM to SD4. My husband and her mother were never married, dated only 4 months before getting pregnant and BM left right after SD was born. From day 1, BM has tried everything under the son to have all control she could over BD... She's claimed he didn't feed SD, he used diapers that caused rash, when she called (4 times during the 6 hour initial visitations) that SD was crying. She called the cops numerous times saying he's pushed her, slammed foot in the door, etc-all of which has never happened. This was all 3 years ago.
Prior to 4 months ago, things were actually going ok. I eneterd picture 2 years ago. BM and I got along as good as two could. I was even asked by BM to watch SD before she was legally my SD when SD's daycare was closed and BM and BD couldn't get the time off work (I could and did). But then SD started going home talking about the upcoming wedding-about how SD would have a new "step mommy". Also during this time, per a verbal agreement we were seeing SD every Saturday b/c BM works. BD filed for papers to make it a court order b/c BM would not commit to set times. BD and I got married Oct 30, BM was served with court papers on Nov 2.
On Nov 22, BD is informed by police that BM has put SD in counseling and has made a report that SD has been sexually assaulted by my 11 yr old sister! (Let me also state, that in Oct 07 when SD was 1 and BD was trying to get set visitaitons, BM made the allegation to her attorney in court that BD was doing "something inappropriate with child". Her atty told BD's atty who immediately requested medical records; SD had a UTI and nothing every came from the allegation! But now we have on record that TWICE BM has been served with papers for increased visitation and BM has made allegations of sexual nature! BM refused to disclose name of counselor or what she was attending for. (That has since been court orderd to be released-and BD has an appt with Counselor this coming Monday).
Now BM is requesting all of BD's tax information from 2007-2010. BD has another son who he claimed (per court order) in 2009. Also, of course in 2010 BD and I will claim jointly as we're marreid. This is not a court order as of yet-but I know BM is going to try. WHAT could she want this inforamtion for? How is it legal she could even ask for it? BD has filed a finanacila affidavit with the court with attached W2s each year so BM knows what he makes. I'm am NOT ok with BM finding out my financial status. It is NONE of her business! I've had all I can take from this control freak who thinks she's the only parent to SD. There's so much more to the story from the past 3 months but this is my biggest concern today, and I promised to keep it short as possible!! Please help!
If BM is the one asking for
If BM is the one asking for his tax information I'd tell her to take a flying leap. She cannot make him give her his information. The only person who should be asking for that information are the courts, or child support office. He doesn't legally have to give it to her.
It's her attorney asking for
It's her attorney asking for it for "inspection" by her attorneys. He bought a house in 2005 (prior to even getting involved with BM). I bought a house also. We have lived together in my house since June 2010 and are currently selling his house on contract. She is asking for the purchase agreement from that house, and all this tax information. My thought is that she's asking b/c she wants to know if he's making any money on it (which we are not, we're actually losing money b/c the economy is horrible and we're taking a hit to just get what we can for it). But, regardless I don't know how someone who was never married to my husbnad thinks they can get a purchase agreement that occured before they were ever involved with my husband! And all this tax information? For what!? He's up to date on child support ($118 a week plus half of all medical--and of course she's a mama that runs to the Dr for every cough and sneeze). Oh and of course since he filed for more visitaion, she's now wanting half of day care, half of the tuition for the private preschool she enrolled SD in w/out consulting BD and any other dime she can come up with that she somehow things he owes her.
And I'm absolutely NOT going to give her anything with my information on it!
She is on a fishing
She is on a fishing expedition IMHO. If a financial affidavit and W-2s will suffice for the court then DH should not provide any other information.
DH should pay not a penny more than CS and half of uncovered Med expenses if that is all that the CO requires. Being "nice" with these types of people does nothing more than turn them in to a bigger PITA.
We have had our version of what you are addressing with your SD's BM with my SS-18's BioDad and SpermClan. I have been his dad since he was 1yo and we have had Toxic SpermClan and SPermIdiot issues to deal with for the past 17yrs. When they have initiated court action to reduce CS we have had to provide reams of information to them that they had no need for or reason to have. This chaps my ass just to think about.
Ultimately we learned that our best tool for managing the blended family opposition is the CO and we held them to it strictly. Once you get BM trained to expect to get smacked with the CO any and every time she deviates from it she will learn to respect and cringe when you roll the CO up to beat the snot out of her with.
It took us a few years but ultimately we did get the manipulative SpermClan under control.
You will too.
Good luck.
What irritates me so much is
What irritates me so much is that DH has never once tried to lower his CS. Never once complained about paying or taking care of his kids. ALL DH wants is to be as much involved in thier lives as possible (you know, like a man should). And both his BM's do everything they can to keep him out. They always want him to work with them, but the second he asks for anything outside of the CO, it's absoultely NO! But when he says no, he's the asshole "part time" dad.
On a side note from above--My SS2's mother works 2nd shift (opposite of my DH). She is sending SS to her EX boyfriend (and baby dady #2's) house or HIS parents house and refusing to allow DH to see his BIOLOGICAL son while she works! BUT, SS's allowed to go see a man and/or that man's parents who are in no way related to SS. BM2 and this man are not even together anymore! But BM will do anything she can to piss of DH and baby dady #2 will do anything he can to see SS b/c in reality, baby dady #2 is a good guy and does deserve to still be allowed in SS's life (even DH agrees), we just feel it's unfair that he gets to 'babysit' SS when DH (Bio dad) is available, able and willing!
You are absolutely right..
You are absolutely right.. I've seen a lot of people complain here about the SKids. Mine are too young to be a nuisance (and I hope I never say that about them). But yes, my situation is similar in that DH is a damn good daddy and a stand up guy. He works, he pays his child support on time. SKids couldn't have a better daddy. I suppose BM's would be happy if they had a deadbeat who didn't pay CS or didn't care to see thier kids. But then again, they wouldn't have anyone they could control by dangling a 2 or 4 yr old in front of them and then saying "you cant have him/her b/c it's not your CO weekend!)
And yes, maybe I am very involved with my SKids, but I won't have it any other way. My DH was a package deal-I knew that when I met him. If it ever came to my SKids or myself, I'm out b/c my DH's kids do and always will come first to him. It's the way it should be, IMO. And I make no apologies for helping my DH get the rights he deserves or for being the best SM I know how to be. I just wish these two dumb BM's would see how damn lucky they are to have two people who love thier kids and would and do literarlly do anything for them!
With a court order, she COULD
With a court order, she COULD get your information if you file joint. Because of this, my dh and i are filing seperate until his kids are 18 and no longer dependants. i WILL NOT include ANY of my personal info other than a phone number on paperwork for things like school on my skids information or anything pertaining to them like tax info, etc. because it'll give bm the right to view my information (my dd's smom was not aware of this and even bd and her denied giving me paperwork that concerned my daughter because it had HER personal info on it-for a day care)...but it got subpeonea'd and i got it anyways
just food for thought. if you don't want bm to have it, don't include it or keep seperate files
if it's on paperwork that can be used for court or pertaining to her kiddo's she will eventually see it if she prys hard enough.
Let me rephrase, someone will
Let me rephrase, someone will see your info on her behalf, not necessarily her,