Did I over react?
This weekend DD-12 was with the (SD--spermdonor). On Saturday evening, DH and I met friends for dinner...the bottle of wine was just opened and my phone rang. It was DD. She had a fight with her father while at the Palisades Mall...he told her he had it with her and left her in the mall without her jacket or money. She dropped her cell phone into her boot, so at least she had that. She called me hysterical...even if he came back, she was not going home with him.
My first call was to him....he said yes, they had a fight, yes he left her in the mall, he only went out to the car (she couldn't find it - not that I would want her out in a mall parking lot at 8:00 pm on a Friday night alone). I told him to go back into the mall and get her. I told him where to find her.
She called me again...her father did come in, and he proceeded to call her a F*&$&^ Sh*T head...she ran away. I stayed on the phone with her, until she got to the security office. Once she was there, I spoke to security and asked them to keep her there and not allow her to leave with anyone, but the person I designated (I was an hour away, and have friends that live 5 minutes away). They picked her up and all was good.
I let her father know that he could leave the mall and she was safe, but still upset. He threated to call the police and charge me with kidnapping. I told him I would call for him. He continued to call me and to call my daughter...we both ended up turning our phones off.
Now I have a history of being abused by him, both physically and emotionally. I KNOW the he has started with the emotional abuse to our daughter. Was I wrong for having her picked up? Should I have let them figure it out themselves? I feel justified in what I did, but what would you have done in that situation?
I could see this issue from
I could see this issue from both sides... until you got to the part where he was back inside calling your DD horrible names.
That, IMHO, is over the line. An adult should be able to control their emotions to the extent that they are not calling their little 12yo daughter names like that.
You are correct. That was verbally abusive and over the line. I don't think any mother would fault you for taking her back - especially given his history of abuse with YOU.
If you are planning on your DD to continue her relationship with her father (or if she HAS to), I would advise getting some counseling (together) to teach her how to deal with and deflect this type of treatment.
Yes, the Palisades, as in
Yes, the Palisades, as in Rockland County, NY, as in 10 degrees.
This isn't the first time that something like this has happened. The last time, they had an argument while shopping...he left the store and angry...she found him outside and told him he had issues....his reaction. "I have issues? You're the one taking meds and in the idiot class." When they got home, she left his house and walked home....I wasn't there, we were out to dinner with the same friends.
My DD is borderline PPD, ADHD, and in the midst of puberty...she spends a lot of time in her room figuring out how to handle her attitude...mama don't play that game!
I agree with everyone else
I agree with everyone else you did not over react. HE is the adult, I don't care how upset he was, you do not leave a 12 year old girl by herself in a mall at 8pm in the middle of winter :sick: .
I think you handled the
I think you handled the situation well. You were concerned about the safety of your child.
He's an adult. (well sounds like he acts like a child)
No you were not in the wrong
No you were not in the wrong at all! Talk about kidnapping, he should have been charged with putting her in danger of being kidnapped! Teens are abducted from malls, all the time. What an asshole.
Are you going to let him have her again?
Am I going to let him have
Am I going to let him have her again? Hmmm...good question. Initial reaction is NO! I know that she doesn't want to see him...and hasn't wanted to for awhile. I am never going to force her.
There will be the issue of changing court orders, and all that fun stuff. (Oh Joy!) But at least now they will take what she says into consideration. I'm confering with an attorney this afternoon.
Good Luck to you both.
Good Luck to you both.
Your ex has issues! i have
Your ex has issues! :sick:
i have a 17 yr old dd and I can tell you I never ever left in the mall alone. we had a fight a while back in the mall but I did not leave her there. She has her phone and I didn't take anything away from her, she just went to another store to cool off for a while. Then she called and we met back up and we were fine. I did not leave her in the mall alone!
I would have flipped my lid!!
I would have flipped my lid!! What an A**.......You did not over react!! You did the right thing. Thank goodness you had someone to get her.
I think your exH has some
I think your exH has some serious issues, and I'm surprised that he gets custody at all given the history of abuse. He handled the situation very poorly, and he should not have left his daughter in anger. That's some poor coping skills, whether you're in a mall or at home, storming away from an argument does not fix the matter.
At the same time, good for your daughter. She didn't just wander off in anger--as some teenager would. She called you and went to the security station, both very good reactions. It's also good that you guys have close friends to help out in a situation like that.
I wouldn't worry about overstepping/overreacting at all. You did the right thing. Your exH is an adult too, and if he had handled the situation like an adult then you would not have needed to step in. It's one thing if your daughter calls you crying from her bedroom because her father yelled at her, but it's quite another to call you from the mall at night when she was left there by a grown man who should know better.
Good for you to pursue
Good for you to pursue modification!! This is NOT a good person for your daughter to have to be around - her "father" or not...