Does it get any better?
I am new at this step parent thing. My husband has two children SS9 and SD8. They have moved in with us full time after we were married for 6 months. My husnand's ex wife lost her hosuing so now they are with us.I am happy they are safe, but I feel like a complete outsider. I cook, clean, and drive everyone to soccer and classes, but when it comes to talking or even being included in silly little house games and bonding I feel like a total outsider. I told my husband and he just brushed it off and told me I was being ridiculous. I don't feel like I am being silly at all. Its how I feel. Is this going to get any better? We have been married a tear now and dated for 2 years before being married. How can I not feel like a total outsider in my own home?
SD6 does not talk to anyone
SD6 does not talk to anyone here except daddy. I have been a complete ghost in my own home for almost two years now and my husband will say the same things. " Oh! SD6 loves you!" " You are just being sensitive." On and on. The truth is that his daughter has no manners or respect and he is still in total denial over his own child's behavior and lack of upbringing.
SD6 will run right by me just to ask her dad for something everytime. If even acknowledged, I am directed as "she" only. It has become worse the last 6 months. Not even a "hello, goodbye, thank you", nada.
Maybe we become completely invisible as I have stated many times before?
Yes, it feels strange to be treated as a stranger (outsider) in your own home.
Welcome to the club.
What's crazy is I felt alone
What's crazy is I felt alone when I was single, but this is a different type of alone feeling. Our world has stopped becasue they are there. On top of it we are being harassed by their mother. She calls , drives by, shows up everywhere all the time. They speak and for the most part are polite and respectful, but I am not included on most things unless its cooking, cleaning, or basic type care for them and my husband. This is crazy. He even letes them get in th bed at night...since they claim to be "scared". Now that is a bit much! Ughhh...I did not sign up for this!!
This has to be something you
This has to be something you husband will open his heart and his mind to. I would sit him down and have a heart to heart with him. He will not understand where you are coming from because he does have kids, and he is the father. All you can ask him to do is try. You are valid in your feelings. It's very difficult to go from single to married, and then single to married with kids that aren't yours is even harder. I don't have any children of my own either and I know after a two week period with them I am ready for a break. Having them full time is a whole different ball game. If you can get your husband to listen to you and he can help navigate this with your best interest as well as the kids that is your best bet. I would also say depending on the ages sit down and have a heart to heart with the kids letting them know your feelings and that you want to be there for them and you know it will take time, but that you have all the time in the world and you will wait until they are ready.
How long have they lived with
How long have they lived with you full time? Is there any room in the bed for you after they crawl in? What are the ages?
We were married for 6 months
We were married for 6 months when they started living with us full time. For me this is new I have no children and its an adjustment to be married and then to have the children live with us full time (my husband and I did not live together before we married). My SS is 9 and SD is 8. I do crawl out when they all go to sleep because children sleep wild ( I learned this with my neices)!!! Ilove them all and just want to know how I can bond with the children and my husband and not lose my mind!
Obviously we all have our own
Obviously we all have our own situations and I am blessed to have a great relationship with my step kids. It's the ex that makes me feel like I am crazy. I still have my moments where I feel like an outsider but it's up to us now we feel. This is our family now we are 100% a part of it. I have taken my step son out on dates to movies, the book store, to buy a new video game, played video games with him, taken him to his sports activities, and supported him in what he wants and does. I have done the same with my step daughter. It seems easier with her but with both that has helped them to talk with me a little more. They know I love them, and am there for them. We can only do so much but helping them feel our love and trust for them will help them to open up to us. I have been with my husband for 8 years now so I would say it's one day at a time.
Thank you KiteGirl. I am
Thank you KiteGirl. I am going to start giving them both one on one time. I think that will make a huge difference also. The ex makes me feel crazy too, but that is her own insecurity. Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I want to make this as easy for all of us.I love their Dad and love both of them as well and the simple things are what make a difference. Thanks.
You said it - that's her own
You said it - that's her own insecurity! I wish I could just remember that everytime she puts me down or talks about how controling, enabling, and just plain involved with something that is none of my business. I have been in these kids life since they were two and six. How is this not my business? I love them and care for them when they are in my home just as she does. I am not trying to take her place I am just trying to make their lives as happy as I can make them.