Help Please.........ex wife trouble
:?
I am a step mother of 3 amazing kids. Two 9 year old twin boys and an 8 year old girl. I also have a son from my previous marriage who is 2. My husband and I have been together for a year now and I am a stay at home mom. I am with all of the kids more than anyone. We have joint custody of his kids. We have them every other day and every other weekend. Now to get to my problem. My husbands ex wife is a pill. At first she acted like she wanted to get along with me. But it was only for her own pleasure so that she could get what she wanted with us. But when I stood my ground all hell broke loose. Anyways the kids confide in me a lot and we all get along. They tell me that she slaps them in the face when she gets upset with them. She also is renting a house with her new hubby and they have a kid on the way and she has another child who is 3 who is a boy with another man so its about to be 7 ppl in there house that only has 3 bedrooms. Right now the problem is that the twin boys received money for christmas from someone on her side. Well when I picked them up from school one day they asked to go to a game store to buy a game for there xbox that we had gotten them. So I said sure and took them. We let them play pretty much anything as long as its not to bad. They picked out 2 games that were 10 a piece they paid for the games and we went home. Well she through a fit when she found out and demanded that we bring the games to her house because that money is for them to spend only when they are with her and it has to be at there house. So my husband and i loaded up the games and dropped them off at her house. We knew they would get in trouble because they are not allowed to play anything with fighting or guns at her house. She tries to pull the religious card a lot by the way. Well a few hours went by and she began to txt my husband repeadly about why did i let them buy those games and they arent allowed to have them at her house or ours like she can control our house ugh. so my husband who hates conflict told her ok take them back and trade them in. That was a week ago...so this morning she called him gripping about them again so he txtd me and was gripping about her gripping about the games. so i txtd her and told her to put them on her porch and i would leave 20 dollars for her...this is the txt i got back...UM NO...THEY CANT HAVE THEM PERIOD. NOT AT THIER DADS EITHER IM RETURNING THEM FOR STORE CREDIT. DONE.........shes such a bitch...how do i deal with her? I mean she is unplesant always. I think she may be bipolar. She got pissed when we got married she told the kids she was gunna hurry and get married before us???wierd lol but she got married a month after. and now is pregnant. WHAT DO I DOOOOOOOO????? I hate that she txts my husband everyday or calls him about stupid stuff..i think she is jealous of us maybe idk. Any words of wisdom are appreciated.
Why would you go against what
Why would you go against what she's trying to teach her kids by letting them buy videogames they aren't allowed to play at her house? If she's religious then it isn't a card she's pulling,she's trying to teach her beliefs to her children and your husband isn't being very respectful of that.Sounds like he purposely defies the original parenting plan of what they agreed on while they were together.
The other weird stuff like getting married before you guys,I agree that's strange and unnecessary.As far as calling and texting your husband goes, just because you think it's for stupid stuff doesn't mean she feels it is and if your husband feels she is communicating excessively about unimportant things then he has a choice to ignore her.
I'm sure she probably is jealous on many levels but one thing you and your husband can do to help with the jealousy she is feeling over the children is to stop trying to make your house "the cool house" that allows them to play violent games with guns and killing when you know she doesn't allow it for them at her house.Try to make the rules as similar as you can and it might make things a bit easier.
well I can definitely
well I can definitely understand going from not being religious to being holier than the pope but if this bm has been this way all along and hasn't changed anything and the DH agreed to it when they were having children together about what they should and shouldn't be exposed to,he really shouldn't change it just because he's married to someone new.
It isn't about one or the other dictating what goes on in the others home.It's about creating a uniform environment to raise the children in that way they aren't confused and don't end up feeling like they are torn between two very different worlds.I just don't think creating such a huge divide just so one can say, "well it's my house i'm going to do what I want" is the best thing to do if you truly want a peaceful and open situation.I don't think anyone should be a doormat either but there has to be a happy medium of some sort.
Difference in opinion then:)
Difference in opinion then:) agree to disagree on this one. i believe in making the transition from one home to another as seamless as possible.others believe differently and that's ok.
lmao true! it IS possible
lmao true!
it IS possible to disagree and do it respectfully.I'm thinking it's because we know the other person is a reasonable individual so it's easier to understand that because we have a different view doesn't mean we can't be friends 
Only thing I can tell you is
Only thing I can tell you is what we do. We don't allow the kids to take any gifts that were purchased by our family to their mom's house. If they get a gift card or cash it stays here and what they purchase with it also stays. Doing that in the future, may help avoid this kind of drama. But, she does sound over the edge and you may want to eliminate all contact with her but email through your DH. He should probably block her texts. She sounds unstable. But, you should definitely not have any communication with her. Let it all go through him.
Just to clear it up. BM just
Just to clear it up. BM just recently got religious with her new hubby. She lets them watch R movies such as chucky, nightmare on elm street, etc... also lets them watch the cartoons family guy and the simpsons. We don't intentionally try to make our house the "cool house". We are a family that believes in hunting, fishing, boating, etc. My hubby has always been that way as well as i have...we are from texas.. lol anyways she trys to control everything...hates that we have them bb guns and etc. she doesnt like them boating with us because they could drowned...mind u that he had the boat while they were together and it wasnt a problem then....Now as far as bb guns and shooting games. The boys are not running around with the guns whenever they want it is a controlled situation where there are targets and my husband and i are both with them. the games on xbox...she has some of the same games at her house that her new hubby plays..such as call of duty...and the boys watch him...so we have the same games at our house and they play them...she just hates that she cant control what goes on over here...the boys know not to tell her what goes on over here but the 8 year old girl is the leak...he mom sits her down from what i understand and drills her about what goes on over here.
I do believe you are right about dropping communication with her...i am no longer getting in it. my husband does ignore her calls and txts..but she does the ring ring ring over and over like BM on the other story.
oh and just another side story on her control freakyness....she wrote letters to all of there teachers telling them not to send any important paperwork home on tuesdays and thursday and fridays because thats they days there dad gets them and she is who needs them not us....which isnt far...he has just as much right to know what is going on at the school. Unless its something to pay for at the school we dont get it...
we have not quite so bad but
we have not quite so bad but similar issue with bm, dh told her, if they wern't allowed to spend it with us, she should've held on to it from the begining.
after buying the games, i (or dh) would've told her, no dad is ok with it, the games will stay here and leave it at that, she couldnt have thrown any court issues at you for that.
what dad or you do with them on his time is your buisness, as long as they are not being abused by either parent (which sounds like they are) then there is nothing stopping how dicipline is done, how mean they may be to the kids or anything like that, it solely up to the parent who has the kids at the time.
Let the communication be
Let the communication be between your DH and his ex-don't get in the middle.
It was a slip up-no she can't dictate what you allow in your home. PERSONALLY-my kids are 9 and 11 and I do not like or allow any games rated M...which those gun/violence/war ones are.
If my ex allowed them to play those nothing I could do but I might ASK if he'd be willing to back me up on it. I don't think living in a bubble is good-but I also don't believe exposing children to things before their age and desensitizing them is good in the long run either. Just personal opinion.
We have some issues with my bf D..her mom allows her to watch certain very sexually mature videos on youtube (like the beyonce/lady gaga one)...and Jersey Shore (gag me what trash!) but she knows very well we don't see that in our house. And her dad completely backs me up.
I have to kind of agree with
I have to kind of agree with Asher, but here's my perspective on it:
It could be a guilty daddy thing, being the "cool" parent. I would be very careful starting a war with BM using the kids to enable the guilty party.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, and I know that each house gets to have it's own set of rules, but I saw the effect of what XBF was doing evidenced by the beasts that were his creation.
He was so permissive. Anything went at this place. I know this is an extreme case, but I am quite convinced that not only was he trying to buy their affection, he was also defying the BMs, the religion that he was raised in and got away from and everything that he ever felt wronged by.
I know he didn't mean to warp his kids so badly into monsters, but that's what happened. He was not only the guilty daddy from hell, but very much using his kids to gain revenge against BMs and religion.
Like I said, I know this case is extreme, but do be careful and pick battles carefully with BM.
I also agree that if something is OK in one house and not in the other, then whatever it is should not be allowed to cross over and that goes both ways. Your BM should not be able to send things along with the skids that you find offensive either. It stays at her house.
Just my thoughts. This one hits a sore spot that I would never have seen coming.
thanks so much for everyones
thanks so much for everyones help. it really helps being able to talk and relate and hear different perspectives.