Anyone else have boys addicted to the damn computer????????!!!
Hi, this is only my second post, started off in the blended room. One of the big problems I constantly have is how my fiance is inconsistent with his discipline. House is so tiny here, everyone is congregated in the living room all day so I said we need to institute a rule, all his boys (17, 12, and 19 year old visiting from college) in rooms by 9 and bed by 10. He agreed but keeps going back on it. Mostly it's because they all play these friggin' computer games all F****G day, every day when they are home (like the last month when they've been home for vacation) and its the first thing they do when they come home. Fiance likes the games too and I tell him he just exacerbates the situation cause its the only bonding he does with them. Fiance at least works like a dog so I can see his need to unwind but these boys dont' go outside, hang with friends, play sports, they want to play computer games all the time and the 12 year old has the worst grades. It's a fight every night to get him to study.
They sit on their asses all day when they're home or not in school, I exercise more than they do!
Tonight fiance let these kids fart around on the computer until almost 10:30 (it's not the first time he didn't make them go their room at the agreed-upon time). Meanwhile fiance had to do schoolwork online, which he wants me to help him with, he just went back to college this week for a bachelor's,I have a doctorate so he likes my helping him. I don't mind with him, but he can't enforce the rules consistently so these kids have to be in my face till late at night which just isn't fair...we need adult time which by that I mean alone time without these pissy kids, not x-rated time lol although maybe if we HAD some flaming sex it would reduce the tension...but who the hell can get in the mood after the kids have been coddled yet again?? (If he wants to kiss anyone's ass it should be mine, it may be a bit bigger but its way cuter, and I bring money into the house even though I'm on unemployment while they don't contribute shit). Maybe I should offer fiance sexual favors? Nah, I think he should just discipline them for the sake of training, also not being married yet I have too much catholic guilt (shhh) :sick:
I don't even understand the language they all speak to each other about these games, killing this, mining that going on a quest for the other...who cares???? I'm an old fart who would rather relate to a human being or play a board game instead of a computer game.
What does one do about boys who can't get off the friggin computer? This is NOT a meaningful life skill!
I dont think a 19 year old
I dont think a 19 year old man who is home visiting his father should have a bedtime. LOL That just made me laugh. 17 is pushing it also. I do however agree especially since the 12 year old is struggling at school that he should have a set schedule. My SD13 goes to bed at 9pm on school days. On weekends and in summer quiet time starts at 10pm. She doesn't have to go to bed per say but she must be in her room. She can watch a movie, be on her ds....but she cant be in my living room. My time begins at 10pm. If her grades slipped and I determined it was due to lack of rest I would adjust accordingly. Her grades are currently well maintained. Teenagers are notoriously lazy. Mine loves to play Sims on the computer, play with her DS and watch tv. Every weekend I make us do something physical as a family whether that be go to the park, indoor pool, inflatable bounce park, even the mall where we can walk and window shop....something to get us up and doing something together as a family. As I have been doing this for a couple of years now my SKIDS actually look forward to it and are always wondering what I'm going to come up with next. Computer skills are meaningful. There is a VERY good chance your SKIDS future jobs will be directly or indirectly dependent on computers. Gaming can assist with reflex and problem solving skills. It becomes a problem when it is an obsession and interferes with normal daily activity.
I should have been clearer,
I should have been clearer, but sometimes when you're trying to make basic points you miss something...the older ones don't have to go to bed but they do need to be out of the living room. Problem is there are only two small bedrooms. 17 year old has one and 12 year old has the other. 19 yo and 12 yo share the room when 19 yo is home and that room doesn't even have a door! (it did but 17 year old took it off and put it on his room when 19 yo went to college.) There's no place to go except the living room so thats why I wanted them out of there because there's no privacy or adult time, as you said, they can't be in the living room as far as I'm concerned. There's not much around here to do and we're financially challenged, to put it mildly. Hopefully I will get a job soon.
Thanks.
First: welcome aboard!
First: welcome aboard!
Background about me: Steptalker- 2 years. Step mom- 12. I have SS 15 and 16, and all they're friends that live here on the weekends. My other parenting stats aren't important to your question...
Yes, my SS are addicted to their games, but ours is the x-box, so it's not related to our family computer...
A few questions for you:
1. Is there another place you could put the family computer so they are not in a "family used" space?
2. Is the purchase of another computer for your work and your fiance's school work feasible?
3. Can you go in the family computer's control panel and set up time limits on games or even block certain gaming sites?
We remodeled the basement for the SS to move into about 3 years ago. If they are dumb enough to stay up all night playing video games, as long as they can drage their asses to school the next day, we let them. At least they are downstairs, and outta my hair!
Hi, and thanks for the
Hi, and thanks for the welcome and voice of experience.
This is a tiny house so the probem is everyone congregates in the living room, there's no where else to go. I'm unemployed (hard to get work here because I'm not licensed here in CA like I was in NY where I came from) and fiance's hours have been cut. Money is very tight for now. I wish we had a basement, all houses on the east coast seem to but not here. Hopefully we can move and have a big enough place where we are not on top of each other all the time which is what causes the stress for me. I never have any kid free time and since my kids are grown and I lived alone for years before this relationship, it is very difficult. I love my peace and quiet, and who knows when I'll get it again... :sick:
You do have some good thoughts though and hope to see you around here again!
Thanks
Hi Jobar, I can feel your
Hi Jobar,
I can feel your pain. I finished raising my sister and brother (now 20 and 18). My brother is a complete computer junkie, World of Warcraft fanatic who speaks another language to me when I ask what he has been up to. I just kind of smile and nod and pray in the mining, questing, raiding jargon there was not a request to borrow the car keys! I set parental controls on WoW. My brother was 15 at the time and tried the 'your not my parent your my sister you can't do that'. So I offered to send him back to "mom" and he quickly decided that a 9pm curfew for the computer was not unreasonable at all! }:) He and my sister are room mates now, adults per the letter of the law so he has to self govern. And is finding it harder than he thought it would be. Three weeks ago the parental controls went back on, at his request, terminating his play time at 11pm to ensure he got enough sleep for his college classes the next day.
My Skids, well the computer is in the living room and if they have an issue sharing or getting the hell off it, I walk over, unplug it and take it to my room. Laptop obviously- however if you unplug and take the keyboard to a desk top computer it works just as well!. My mentality is I bought it for them to use for school, not for games. If they can not obey reasonable limits for games, then they do not need to play games on it. DS etc game systems are required to charge in the living room, same as cell phones, and must be plugged in to charge by 9pm. Bedtimes for the youngest 2 is 9, for the older two 10. Oldest is 17, weekends or vacations from school (summer etc) their bedtime is extended a half an hour. Anything past that is non negotiable because I want some alone time with my husband and do not feel we should have to hide in our room to have alone time.
On a side note: I have found that starting a makeout session with my DH on the couch in the living room (passionate kissing only) is a great way to get the kids to decide to go to bed early!! }:)
Hi No1s, Sounds like you have
Hi No1s,
Sounds like you have been around a while and have mellowed from the experience, which I haven't done yet.
Fiance needs to get to bed by around 10, since he drives a truck and gets up at 3 some mornings and 4 at others. Maybe the kids don't like having to go to their rooms, but they can stay up till 10 just out of the living room. Need fiance to enforce it more so we have some little time to ourselves. House is very small so there's no where else to go. Like you, don't fell like we should have to hide in our room to have alone time.
Thanks.
Yes. Both our boys are
Yes. Both our boys are addicted.
It is the ultimate punishment and reward for grades or behavior. No more than 3 hours though.
yes, 16 yo stepsons only
yes, 16 yo stepsons only friend the computer games and other game devices, been that way for years now. doesnt leave the house to do crap, no hobbies of any kind, gaming all day every day in the summer. getting about c average some bad grades some good, bedtime 1030 which i feel is too damn late. cant stand he doesnt have a life and dosent ever leave the damn house. even refuses to visit his mom so he can do whatever he wants here which is play games. literally he got him his own computer because i was on the verge of leaving him as the damn boy was in our room all the time to play games, and would just on the damn bed all day until his dad would get off which himself plays for hours. i couldnt stand it we had raging arguments over it.he just sits at his dirty compyter desk, and be's dirty and doesnt do anything else, ugh!