Is it wrong to tell kids about a court order?
There are 4 kids, ages 6-13. BM constantly violates the court order. Is it wrong to tell the kids that mom and dad went to court, and the judge said mom can't do something anymore?
Examples:
Mom takes kids to a church. Court order says Dad has final word on all decisions including religious decisions. Dad is not Christian, mom and dad both chose to raise the kids in a *synagogue or mosque or temple* (don't want this to turn into a religious discussion) rather than the church. However, now that they are divorced, BM wants to take kids to church just to piss dad off (she was never religious in her life). She is deliberately trying to confuse the kids. They see church as a fun thing, lots of music and dancing. They wonder why mom taking them to church upsets dad. Is it ok to tell them the judge decided on this, that dad has the final word, and that they've been raised one way, and that's how they are going to stay until they are adults and can decide for themselves?
Mom takes kids camping. Not a big deal under normal circumstances. However, BM does not notify DH (court order states notification must be given to the other parent for any overnight trips, place of stay and working phone number must be given). DH finds out after the fact, and not only that, but 9 year old girl got lost at night (was told she could go to the bathroom by herself and couldn't find her way back, found a stranger who let her use their cell phone), and all younger kids were left in the care of 9 year old for an unknown amount of time (a 4 year old, 2 6 year olds, and an 8 year old). There is a sexual abuse allegation case going on against BMs new hubby, involving BM and DH's son, however, BM allowed her new hubby to sleep in the tent with the two boys. Also, BM has a history of inviting boyfriends to these types of events (they are a kinky couple, apparently, and have not hidden this fact from the kids well). Kids don't understand why this camping trip upset dad. Is it ok to say that mom and dad went to court, and mom is not following the rules the judge set for them?
BM is 'all the sudden' involved in the kids school. But only in the classroom of the 9 year old, because she's more aware and talks more about things than the younger two. SD9 is a bit dumbfounded, as her mom has not been involved in her schooling at all for the past 3 years or so. She wonders (out loud) why her mom is coming to the school more often (mom still isn't helping her with homework). Is it ok to tell the girl that her mom is trying to prove to the court that she's a good mommy (or something along those lines)?
I don't think it's a good
I don't think it's a good idea. The 13-yr-old can probably understand it but I think it will only add more confusion to their lives. I'm with SMofknowitall; I didn't think the courts could order anything about religion except to give both parents equal power in deciding their children's religion.
I too am concerned about the camping incident. As to what you can do about that, DH should talk to your attorney ASAP.
Our court order states that
Our court order states that the Father has the final word on all major decisions, saying 'including but not limited to educational, medical, religious....' They raised the kids in one religion and BM is only trying to piss DH off by getting them involved in another one. It's very obvious, the way she's doing it. She was never a religious person, nor was her mother, father or grandparents.
As for the camping, the court order states what I mentioned above. It wouldn't have taken a minute to shoot an email saying 'kids are going camping and will be at _______ campsite'. They told her husband's kids BM, so why not DH? It was another intentional act to piss him off. There is a bad history with her and the camping deal.
And since most of these things are normal every day issues which shouldn't cause concern, my husband looks like an overprotective, controlling freak when he brings it up. However, there is a REASON these issues were included in the court order. BM was found in contempt, and the court order shows her as a horrible mother. It is a very demeaning order (demeaning to the BM), she lost all credibility with the judge by her actions.
Just don't know what to do.
Do the kids live with her,
Do the kids live with her, you, or split their time among DH and BM equally? Has DH ever considered going for full custody?
All I can suggest is keep documenting her. When you go to court with her, nail her with it. It sounds like you have a good judge, which helps a lot.
DH has full custody. She
DH has full custody. She gets Thursday evening thru Monday morning, EOW. We are documenting everything, and yes we have a wonderful judge.
I think the kids are a little
I think the kids are a little too young to understand about the court order but I would be on the phone to my lawyer.
Not sure I understand what
Not sure I understand what you mean. We never tell the kids that anyone is trying to be better. My husband is a big believer in karma, that you get what you deserve one way or another. And that his ex is getting hers by losing custody, and by the kids rejecting her themselves (they were the ones directly affected by her crap, after all).
However, when the kids see that dad is upset, and says 'mom isn't supposed to take you to this church' or 'mom did not tell me you were going camping like she was supposed to' etc, kids are going to ask why.