Yes - sometimes you have to divorce your family. I'm sorry you had to put up with it for so long.

Welcome - your years of experience is needed.

You are so correct in placing the responsibility for this dysfunction squarely on the shoulders of dad and mom, although as adults these *kids* can also share in a huge helping of responsibility.

My DH’s adult children used every thing they could think of including cleverly placed clichés. I love this one: “I have seen it with my own eyes” Been used a few times on me, even though the persons who allegedly saw this alleged it, were thousands of miles away at the time. They live in such a fictitious world, they actually believe that just by saying I saw it with my own eyes, makes it true. Frighteningly enough, to some people it does!

These kinds of words are like incantations. As people hear them their eyes glaze over as they all remember these mysterious somethings they saw with their own eyes that never even happened. Then you ask stepadults, well what was it you saw with your own eyes? For a second they get a frightened look in their eyes, gain their repose quickly and say, “I don’t want to get into it. That is just the kind of asshole thing you would ask.” Huh? I am an asshole for asking for an example of something terribly wrong, that I have apparently done, that you saw with your own eyes??? Doesn’t even make sense. Sleepwalkers! It is because they don't remember one! When it happens, you remember.

But these stepadults are so used to their words being point blank accepted without question and successfully inciting outrage on their behalf at their undeserved mistreatment at the hands of this wicked jealous woman—dad’s wife who they have “bent over backward for” (another good one) that they have forgotten themselves, that their words are empty, meaningless clichés, that undiscerning others with their own agenda eat up like candy.

Fact is: They don’t want to work it out. They don’t want to claim their own feelings of anger and envy. They refuse to accept you, unless you get in *your place* as defined by them. “you need to learn your place” (another good one) They don’t want to like you. They don’t like you. They don’t want to hear a single thing you have to say about anything. So, don’t waste your time, heart and health waiting for them to come around!!! Enjoy life without them.