Doesnt matter if it is Grandparents from BF or BM and if they are still living or not. They can sometimes be worse because they can not only control the Grandchildren but your spouse as well! I have been played for almost 7 years and didnt even know it! :sick:

There is little difference IMHO. Our son's (my SS's) SpermIdiot is not very envolved in his life. Our main cross to bear is SpermGrandMa who is the hag from hell.

In or case the SpermClan can cause as much drama and crap as any BM/BDad.

Though being married to a widower you are certainly in the minority, you are dealing with the same crap that the most other Sparents deal with. In fact your in a worse situation IMHO. You are having to deal with BM issues from beyond the grave. Her family is probably worse than she would have been had she survived.

They are most likely doing what they think they should be doing to preserve her influence on her children and in defending her honor. If she had any.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Best regards,

As a widow, I can tell you that you are under NO obligation to "revere" the dead. You did not know her and it is not your job to keep her memory alive. I am very careful about what is said and done dealing with my late husband. I still have a little bit of grief on his "death day" but I keep it to myself for respect for my husband. My mother used to call and talk about my late husband but I have talked to her about it and now the only time she'll mention him is when DH is not around. I suppose I've been a little lucky in the fact that late husband's parents dropped off the face of the planet a few months after his death. But if they came back I would NEVER let them treat my husband badly... EVER.
If I were you, I'd talk to your husband about how you feel like maybe you are in the shadows. That yes you understand the sad situation but it's not fair for you to feel left out in your own family. Remember to be understanding but let your husband know that he married you and you have a right to have privacy. Yes, grandparents get visitation and they can be the ones to keep BM's memory alive. It's really not fair of your husband to do that and it's not your job. To be really honest, if something happens to me then I'd rather my parents and sister remind my kids of me instead of some other woman that I've never met. People have a tendency to glorify the dead like it's a friggin' Lifetime Movie of the Week. Whatever you hear about the BM, I can promise it's probably half truths. Sometimes I miss my late husband, and then I remember what a jackass he was and how sometimes I wanted to go running into the middle of the road pulling my hair out and screaming at the top of my lungs. And I take a deep breath and realize that if he hadn't of died I wouldn't be married to the most wonderful man that has ever lived. Everything happens for a reason. Just remember that.

What Rags said!

My mother had to deal with her husbands family when dealing with her stepkids - because they had taken over the role of caregivers to his kids when their mother had died. And they let it be known that they were in charge. SHe had to finally tell their father that if he wanted her to be their mother - that he needed to let her do her job without out the peanut gallery and their interference.

It obviously is a little harder in your situation because it is not his family that he is dealing with. That would truly be a hard situation to deal with. Are you like the kids mom now?

It would be nice if there was a forum specifically for Wives of Widowers SMs/Husbands of Widows. It really is a completely different situation. I'm tired of being told on here that my situation is so much better since BM died and being told on other forums that I'm not being sensitive to my skids who have lost their mother.

Perhaps we should ask the website for our own forum topic?

I hear you girl !!

I am a Girlfriend of a Widower - it's bloody hard work sometimes as sometimes the late wife is almost made out to be a 'saint' and you will always, always come second...... it's bloody hard NOT to let it get to you sometimes. It does me. Message me anytime if you want a private chat xx

Yes Augusta, it was for you. I feel your hurt I really do...... it's the same for me. Pics of her everywhere and none of me, all of her stuff is still around and barely my toothbrush is there..... it feels so lonely sometimes

x

Oh dear Augusta sounds like you have had more than your fair share of problems

I have already had to 'gently ask' for some of the pics to come down - especially his wedding pic!! - That was a great big canvas thing in the heart of the house!

Have messaged you my personal email address just incase you ever wanted a chat 'off forum'.

I don't think you did anything wrong (from your above comment) - like you said they were no good for anyone.... and as for the toilet roll dolly - well I agree - how tacky! lol

xx