The 3rd wheel
UGH!!! So next weekend is 'our' weekend. On Labor Day weekend at that. Joy. We are going to our hometown for the long weekend and so our bios can visit their grandparents. So we noticed that while we will be there, there is a sporting event going on. In the past, when we are able to go we usually leave our bios with my parents and go as a couple- like a date. (When we visit our parents for weekends it is also the ONLY time we are able to go on dates since we have no babysitters we know where we live.) Back to the event, this year is the first year I think our bio kids could actually enjoy going along with us without getting too cranky. So I suggested to dh that IF we had enough $$ for tickets, we should all go- us, the bios (5, 3) and ss (12) and leave the baby with my parents. But I also said if we don't have enough for all of us then maybe we'd at least have enough for him & I to go. The bios could stay with my parents and ss could stay with mil. (I also have a bil that is only a year older than ss and of course lives with mil. They are more like cousins and have always hung out together.) So today dh asked how many tickets he should buy- 2 or 4. 4?? He said ours, one for ss and one for my dad. What?! I told him no. Either we all go as a family or just he and I go. We got into a little disagreement about it. Here's the deal. Last time we went for a visit, dh promised we'd go to this local ice cream place I like for a mini date. We also had ss. The night we were planning on going dh said we should take ss and leave the younger ones with my parents. I said NO! I explained it was going to be a date and he didn't belong there. I said I'm married to you, not ss. He didn't want to hurt ss's feelings. Needless to say, we did not go on our date. Sorry. I refused to take a kid long on date night that only comes around once a month, if even. So now that this event has come up on Labor day weekend dh is pulling the same crap. Wanting to include ss but exclude our own kids. I told him it's unfair and that maybe it would do ss good to know that dh & I love each other and still go on dates. I don't know what he'll decide but I'm just so mad right now! On top of all that, dh wants to work overtime tomorrow. When we have ss, he NEVER works ot. But he 1st weekend that we don't actually have to share with ss or go out of town he decides he wants to work. I feel shafted like the kids and I don't even matter to him as much. I know we do, but his actions say something else. I'm already sick of this eow b.s. and we've only started doing it a few months ago!! 6 more years of this?!
His son is quite a bit older
His son is quite a bit older than your bio children so he might enjoy getting to do some things that the younger kids don't get to do. Can you take SS to the game/sporting event thing and also fit in some time for you and DH to have a mini-date? That could be a compromise that everyone could be happy with.
I can understand your DH not wanting to leave his son with someone else on one of his weekends with him. His time with his son is limited as it is.
That's why I said all of us
That's why I said all of us or just us 2. It's not fair that the bios can't go but ss can, IMO. We never took them before b/c they were younger and asthey got older when we would go to a game the weather was too cold for them. This would be the first time they could actually go too. I have no prob going us 2 also
It would only be a few hours and ss would be with his grandma and uncle (who is only a year older) not like strangers. I could understand him not wanting to give up his time if he enjoyed it but even dh was disappointed tht we'dhave ss labor day weekend. All of a sudden eow started again and dh is hving a hard time adapting too. And the point is that ANY time we plan alone time andit happens to be ss weekend, dh wants to take ss along. Since we missed last date, it'sbeen months since dh and I had a date night!
To be honest-a sporting event
To be honest-a sporting event can be long-and from personal expereience a 3 yr old may not enjoy it too much-I'd be hesitant to bring the 3yr old honestly-their attention span isn't big-they get cranky-tired, ruins the whole event lol.
So-if you DO do this as a family event-how about leaving the babe and 3yr old w/gparents-and take your 5yr old and the 12yr old? the two "older" kids? Personally that would be MY choice. It's something they would enjoy and it's fun as a family outing-then try to find time for a date for just the two of you. It's ok that your younger sees you guys doing "date nights" w/the other kid-I don't get that often but I try to do that with my boys-where I go out just with one or the other for quality time. It doesn't have to be all or nobody.
As for the Date night situation- it is a necessity for any couple, it should be a priority! Typically we do try to not plan date nights when bf has his girl-but that's because we don't trust the her and my boys together w/a sitter. They fight too much if we aren't there to intervene. If they did get along though I don't think we would feel guilty to have a date night-perhaps not every wknd she's with us but once in a while.
We already have two wknds a month for us-and during the week we try to have one date night-even if it's going out for a cpl hours for a few drinks
It seems to be a huge priority to us both-I don't think that would change even if married. We both NEED to get out and reconnect -our alone time is so incredibly valuable to us both. What's wrong with these men who dont' seem to think spending time w/their wives is important...or else the question might be is the relationship that strained that they are choosing to not spend time as a couple?
I know it seems like I have a
I know it seems like I have a response for every suggestion, but here I go anyway.... BS is actually almost 4 and loves all sports. In fact dh took him and ss to a baseball game this summer and he lasted the entire game without complaints. (and we all know how long baseball games last!) So i know he'd be fine. Our BD5 would enjoy it too (going to a football game so would love to see the cheerleaders/dance team) and if we tried to take just the boys would get her feelings hurt. This summer dh did a lot of 'just boy' activities. Towards the end bd let her daddy know she did NOT like it and that she felt left out! So now dh is trying to watch it. I did try to do 'just girls' stuff but with a 5mth old it's a little harder and we're limited. So I thought we could all go. But no. I even said no one has to go, but dh really wants to go (me too) so that isn't an option for him. So awhile back I told him all of us, none of us or just the 2 of us.
As for date night- we don't know many people in our town and definately no one we would trust with our kids or anyone that we would burden with all 3! Our hometown is only a few hours away and that is where both our families live. Ss actually lives there too. With school and kids events we only get to visit 'home' once a month or 6weeks. We don't purposely plan to be in town when we have ss it just happens that way sometimes because of schedules. And actually kt was dh's idea to go there LD weekend even though we would have ss. I don't really mind missing a date night I mostly am annoyed that he'd rather leave our kids out of something they'd enjoy too. Yet refuses to 'leave out' ss.
Haha!! Too funny!! (and
Haha!! Too funny!! (and true!)
UPDATE: So....dh decided not
UPDATE: So....dh decided not to buy any tickets and was going to see if his friend could get free ones. He did, but only got 2!! That means dh and I will be going alone! Yea!! Our bios are staying with my parents and ss12 will stay at mil's & hang out with his 14year old uncle. Looks like we'll have a date after all! And since it is a holiday weekend, dh gets ss an extra day so they have all Monday to hang out since the bios and I will head home early for school on Tuesday.
Actually like I told someone
Actually like I told someone else, dh took BSstb4 to his first baseball game this summer and he did great! That was after all day of running around town. We've taken our kids to large amusement parks too and they've done fine. Anyway, I updated and it looks like dh's friend won TWO tickets for us. So we are going just the two of us. We checked our finances this week and it was going to have to be either just us two go or no one goes because of lack of money! But his fiend got 2 tickets yea!!