BM "Felt" She Needed to Go To Funeral...Yeah Right
My DH's grandmother passed away and he spent 2 days in the city where his family lives. I couldn't go due to not being able to get days off work.
His 19yo daughter actually asked my DH if it was okay if her mother attended the funeral due to her being so upset and wanting to come. My husband's parents are divorced and are remarried now and the extended 2 families are huge - and neither side keeps in any contact with the BM due to her being a lunatic.
They divorced back in '07 due to her infidelities, thieving, drug use and selling...and for just being a total loser. She is the hugest drama queen, as is her daughter. My DH loathes her.
What would possess my SD to ask if her fruitcake mother could attend this funeral? Well, for starters she's a fruitcake as well. And for another, since I couldn't make it to the funeral, what better way to exert some power than to have your mother come in my absence? Do these psychotic stepkids think we're stupid? BM never came but it was just the idea that my SD would FEEL or WANT it to be okay.
I'm SO tired of this kid wanting to push this woman in our lives..in ANY way she can. Just totally sick of it.
I told SD14 flat out that if
I told SD14 flat out that if DH were to die, (during deployment, car accident, whatever) BM would NOT be allowed to attend. I would have too much stress to deal with to cope with BM's hysteria. I will have bouncers there, if necessary.
SD14's only concerns were if *she* was allowed to attend (of course!) and if DH died, if I would stay in contact with her. Since we have a good relationship (BM is the entire problem; SD14 is a great girl) I told her sure.
We are SO ready to formally notify BM that we wish to cease ALL contact with her. 45 months left...
Wow! I understand 100% how
Wow! I understand 100% how you feel - how you say you feel so much like an outsider yet SD wants you to feel her mother is the end-all be-all.
I honestly KNOW my SD uses her mother as a tool. I'd be crazy to not see it....lol. SD is pretty easy to see through. She feels her mother is just the coolest thing ever. My question is how cool is a mother that steals, cheats, grows pot, sells her prescribed narcotics on the streets, does not work, has warrants for her arrest...and MANY other numerous things...how cool is that?
Really shows me SD's mentality as to what kind of sickness she needs in her life to survive in this world. It's a learnt behavior - she was raised with this bullshit and needs it as an adult to function properly.
I don't think for one iota of a second that BM was in any way grieving over my DH's grandmother..lol..not in the slightest. It would just be a way for her to show up in my absence with her head held high as in "Hey - look at me! I'm not welcome anywhere in the family anymore but I'll use the excuse as in someone's time of grieving to throw myself in the mix because everyone is too upset to start anything!!"
I'm with you - we clearly are not taken in consideration - at all. If I ever hear my SD tell me that she won't attend functions where her mother wasn't invited I'd laugh in her face.
People just don't surprise me at all anymore...especially my SD.
"If the BM's weren't such
"If the BM's weren't such trash, I wonder if our SD's would work so hard to make sure everyone also put them on pedestals"
Exactly.
Well spoken.
I don't believe our SDs would be trying so hard to excuse their mother's behavior if they were model citizens. As for what I believe - I know what I see. And there is nothing in the world she could do to make me change any way I feel about her mother. Nothing. She can try as hard as she humanly wants to yet nothing will make me feel her mother is worth any kind of crap whatsoever.
Actions speak louder than words. SDs need to remember that. She needs to remember her mother has texted me, emailed me...all in the throws of trying to stir some kind of pot. All out of her own accord. I was the one that tried to be helpful and friendly in the beginning only to be met with a woman that still feels my husband is her property. Any child that feels I will put up with that is bonkers. And I want her to know that too. Don't expect me to condone your mother's behavior because she's your mother..no excuse. I don't live by someone else's beliefs. Nor do I bow down to not make waves. Great way to get run over real quick.
My SD is not liking me due to the fact I don't coddle her like her parents. I don't listen to the baby talk coming from a pregnant 19yo woman. I don't condone her laying in her father's lap like a lover and talking so childish...I also don't walk away when she feels her dad is giving me too much attention..if the attention is not aimed at her you know it real quick. All you hear is "Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!" and a bunch of whining. Grow the hell up and act like you have an ounce of sense.
I'm an educated, hard working woman that just won't put up with the nonsense. Enough is enough in my book. I'm tired of the SD feeling her mother is welcome in any fashion whatsoever. If she said she wasn't coming over anymore, it would be too soon for me. I hate feeling this way but until she stops shoving her piece of trash mother down our throats - it's how I truly feel.
I see this one in a different
I see this one in a different light. My parents were divorced growing up. they actually divorced after 15 years of marriage. When my grandfather on my dad's siide ppassed away, my mom went to the funeral to pay her respects and to be there for her kids. And we weren't young at the time, 25, 23, and 21. It was still hard on us, losing a loved one. Just like my dad has gone to funerals on my mom's side. Just because you diivorce the person, doesn't mean you don't care about the people in their family. And sometimes for the kids it helps to have both parents there, everyone deals with death differently. God forbid if something happens to my bf would I want his ex showing up, prob not. She's done nothing but cause us grievence over everything. But on the other hand if the children feel she needs to be there for them, I won't make an issue of it. I think a lot of BM do stuff to cause issues and you may feel the sd was out of line asking her to be there but maybe she needed her to lean on. And she did ask if it would be ok, so maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings. Just my thoughts on this one.
I believe that if the kid
I believe that if the kid needs the parent there...that's between the kid and the parent. When my dearly loved dad passed away, my BM attended (my brother and I were both in our 30's when dad passed). Keep in mind, my parents divorced over 20 years prior and BM totally walked out on us...my dad, my brother and myself. My "step"mom raised us and is who I call mom, so I was pissed when BM showed up. I loved that my maternal aunt and maternal grandmother showed up since my dad still loved them and still had a relationship with them (dad, my "step"mom and I attended a funeral together for maternal cousin a few years before). My brother still had a relationship with our BM, so he asked her to be there. When I complained later to my best friend, she had to set me straight. What if it were my daughter who lost her dad and needed me to be there for her? I would certainly be there for my daughter. Even though BM caused us many years of pain and lonliness, my brother had forgiven her and wanted her there, so it wasn't for me to say that she wasn't welcome.