FIANCES FAMILY
:jawdrop: My fiances family does not like me because they think he should stay single to keep raising his almost 17 yr old idiot son and his 20 yr old son. They are opionated, ignorant, and manipulative. He is very passive and wont speak up. They treat me really badly. The only sister controls the whole family from california, we live in maine. The mother thinks the sister does no wrong, she is 50 only girl in family and oldest of the three kids. Now they have accepted the exwife back into the family because the mother got sick and in the hosp and the ex is going to spend the night in the hosp with the mother. My fiance hates it i am not worried about him wanting her, he does not. Its just that the ex thinks she has so much entitlement now that she has quit drinking because the Dr. told her she would be dead by thanksgiving. I say give her another drink. I hate the bitch and could care less if she drops dead or not. She has caused so much grief in our family. She never gives up and has been divorced for 12 yrs. She is a real piece of work and I would have to go on for days to tell it all. She is also a felon. I really do not know what to do. I am getting consumed by all this drama again and it is making me crazy. Any advise for handling the ex wife would be appreciated because it is affecting my job my and my relationship because i cannot let it go. I bitch about it all the time. I figure mabe i should just stay away from his whole family and do nothing and let him go visit and have outings or whatever the nuts do when i am not there without me. Just disengage or what?
Yes, disengage. Minimize your
Yes, disengage. Minimize your encounters with them. Make sure your DH sticks up for you--this is key!! You are a team, he is not married to his family! He needs to make it plain that he is married to YOU and any mistreatment of you is mistreatment of him!
I went through this. DH has 3 sisters and a mother, his father and brother are dead. Oldest SIL1 was our friend, introduced us, etc. but when he got serious about me, she turned into a witch. She is long divorced, bitter and jealous. She buddied up to BM, turned the other two SILs against us (esp me). They were rude to me, turned their back on me. SIL1 told me I wasn't the SK's step-mother, she was more important to them than I was. Attacked DH's reputation to his friends to undermine us, It was really really bad.
DH told her off and cut off all the sisters for a while. He was so stressed out, almost sick from all the drama. And BM and the kids didn't help--his kids are always in a crisis. Wrecked cars, arrests, that kind of thing.
The whole thing was very painful and came to a head after we moved and SIL2 paid for DH to come home for SD's baby's 1st b-day. But not me! (we had just bought tickets for a later trip). DH was emotionally blackmailed because the SILs told SD they would pay before they asked DH. So how could he say no?
DH went with the understanding that this kind of thing was NOT to happen again. I just really prayed about it, that DH would have the respect he deserves as the head of the family and we would be respected too. Well, I don't know what happened, but now they are civil and normal to me, even SIL1, who tried to make up with us.
I am cordial back but it will never be the close relationships I hoped for. But they are freaks and aren't capable anyway.
Thank you for your input and
Thank you for your input and i think that is what i need to do. They are very hateful and act like i did terrible things just because the sister is so controling. I lose sleep i get sick to my stomach, i cry, and i am sooo dam sick of it. All these three children, my fiance, his brother and his sister are single. The other brother lives downstairs in the apt. below parents and has all his life since high school. No gf, no bf for the sister, only trys to control. She is very weird. Leaves 20 messages on his phone like she is talking to him and giggling and laughing like a nut job. I want to tell them all off but of course i cannot it only makes me look bad, so i guess just let him go to them when he needs to and I stay home or go visit my friends or something. So sad for the mother i would have been really good to her, she could use it right now.
dianaig, I think the single
dianaig, I think the single thing is key. Of my SILs, only one is married, and her H is a dope who plays sports more than spends time with his family. She's a workaholic who does everything to run the house. They have one kid. The middle one never married despite offers and her life consists of work and chores. And the oldest--now she finally has a BF again and is "happy" but it still sucks that she tried to rain on our happiness. Some of these people who don't have their own mates put the siblings in that role, I believe. I know oldest treated DH like a buddy-stand-in H -- he stayed with her for a while looking for a job. They were partners in misery together. Then I came along.