My Husbands Ex got a child abuse allegation founded against me
:? My stepson came to our home on two seperate occassion with bruising and told us his mother was hitting him. We reported it to dhs and to the local sherrifs office. She also put a call in to DHS and alleged it was me beating him. DHS talked to him, with her present every time, he is 4 and told us mommy told him to lie and say it was me, and he did. Now I have a founded child abuse allegation and will be put on the registry. We only get him every other weeked for 48 hours each time. Now we are going back into court as she is wanting to modify visitation by restricting us visits due to my "child abuse". Funny thing is is that she actually reported to dhs that SHE struck him the day of the allegation and has now signed up for voluntary DHS services for supervision and disciplinary issues. However, they Founded it against me...the sheriff's office then took the information from DHS and closed the case against the mother and passed it on to our sheriff's office against me.....WTF??? anyone have any advice??? how do we fight this??? His ex is vindictive, told me she was going to do "something" big to me and has.....my stepson cries everytime he is with us and wants to be with his father more as we dont see much....what can we do???
Also, he has been acting out
Also, he has been acting out lying and not listening because mommy told him he doesnt have to when he is at our house....its enraging!! He actually told me time outs dont matter to him, he can do what he wants and mommy told him I cant spank him...also told me he does things because he can.....grrrrrr.......sooooooo what do you do without losing your mind???
RUN. seriously, no matter if
RUN.
seriously, no matter if your dh is on your side, he cant do anything about this to protect you. your life is going to be over soon due to his ex and the child (who i understand is being brainwashed by his mother). you are a sitting duck. RUN.
i say this because no matter what happens, u are always going to be targeted. i am sorry but no marriage is worth this kind of thing. we arent talking about a child playing bio against step we are talking the law.
please cut your losses and go.
You can't be serious. You'd
You can't be serious. You'd tell someone to give up on their marriage because of what someone OUTSIDE the marriage is doing to her? That's horrible.
I appreciate your bluntness
I appreciate your bluntness but I am committed to my husband and marriage. There have to be other alternatives out there. We have an amazing blended family which includes my children and while I am exhausted and feel beaten down, I have to find the fight left in me to do this. I am looking for other alternatives here....any other suggestions?
Don't run!!! Stick by your
Don't run!!! Stick by your husband and that poor child that is stuck in the middle. Your real judgment comes later.
God only gives us what we can
God only gives us what we can handle. Don't walk out on your husband or his son. Stick by them and stick by the truth. Look for guidance from above and listen. God will take care of you and your hubby.
The truth has a way of coming out even if it takes a while.
Just record every conversation, write everything down and never lose faith.
If you have not hired legal
If you have not hired legal counsel yet, do so. Sometimes that's all it takes to make the other side (in this case the BM) back down. She has probably been told already that she will be arrested for filing false reports so you having a lawyer could be stick that breaks her back.
Good luck to you.
ABSOLUTELY AGREE! Get a
ABSOLUTELY AGREE! Get a lawyer and nail her.
I am having a hard time
I am having a hard time trying to figure out what this is founded on? Have you seen the paperwork? Are you actually being charged? BM has done all kinds of crap to us. We once had a cop come to the door because we DARED to use a babysitter (over 18) and go out for an evening, the cop apologized profusely, but they still have to check it out. Once she filed charges against me saying that I scratched the youngest one, DCF came out and youngest very enthusiastically said "OH YES! SM does the BEST back scratches!" he he. The third time is was that we were drug addicts (this info would come from my older SS 13 who is a pathological liar like BM) DH and I had to get urinalysis (SP?)done which was very degrading...you have to pee infront of someone. Anyhow it was of course negative...I mean my husband was in the military for over 20yrs and now works for an institution that regulary does drug screening.
I know here in FL if the BM files false reports against you, you have the right to go to the States ATTy office and charge HER with filing false reports, this won't cost you anything, and a little legal paperwork on her lap may shut her mouth. I never did do it, I hate wasting time on her but I wonder if even the accusations would show up on a back ground check.....now I have to check it out.
Have you talked to your DH
Have you talked to your DH about getting SS into counseling? I'm suprised it wasn't ordered. If not, I would. See if a therapist can't get to the bottom of this.
At the very least get an attorney and get one quick! Show this BM that you will NOT just stand by while she ruins your life. Sue her for slander. Personally, I'd be out to make this BM's life a living hell. But, that's just me.
What is your DH saying about all of this?
Contact a lawyer
Contact a lawyer immediately!!! And i mean i bulldog of a lawyer - you need to fight this in court. You cant let that go on your record. Get the child to a psychologist who specializes in child abuse and blended families (there are some really good ones in our area and im sure you can find one) who you know will be willing to testify in court, immediately. Get that child into counseling and tell the counselor what he told you about lying. The child is being abused by his mother - you know this - take that to court too and fight to have him removed from the home. Ask people who see you interact with the kid if they would be willing to testify on your behalf in court - people from church, friends, work colleagues, relatives, grocery store clerks, any and everyone who sees you and the child interacting together. If you have pictures or home videos of you and the little boy playing together, and interacting happily then get those all together and organized for court. voice record or video tape your interactions with him from now on in case you can use them in court. Im so sorry youre going through this. best of luck to all of you.
edit: i agree with the others - sue the bm for slander and defamation of character. you need to make this miserable for her so she will think twice before putting you through something like this again. protect yourself, the child, and your marriage in every way you can.
Hire a lawyer and/or a GAL
Hire a lawyer and/or a GAL (Guardian Ad Litum). The GAL will investigate the homes of both and talk with the child. If the mom is telling her kid to say these things - the GAL may be able to get the child to verbalize so. Then the lawyer can take it to court and get this mess finished. Also taking the child to counseling can work as well. Good luck and sorry you have to go through all of this behind a woman who is probably just jealous you married her child's father.
I'm confused about the story.
I'm confused about the story. There is a huge difference between being reported to social services and having a case opened, and actually being charged with abuse (assuming you are in the U.S.).
Social Services will (should) investigate any allegation of abuse. And they are well-aware that ex-spouses often use this as a weapon. It happens all the time.
You need an attorney. I know it's expensive. But it's necessary.
I hope you like the movie
I hope you like the movie Ground Hog Day. Because you will be re-living this scenario a few more times if you stay married/continue sharing living quarters with SS.
thank you for all the
thank you for all the comments....to clear up some confusion, we found bruises on his buttocks and legs and she also at the same time reported it was me who did it...ironically she admitted to striking SS that day and has voluntarily signed up for DHS parenting/discipline issues services....my SS has been told to say it was me so he has repeatedly....however, he did tell his doctor that nothing bad happened at our home and he was happy....DHS investigated me and not the mother and they never even discussed the bruising on his legs in the report....we then reported bruising and pain to his genitals due to what he said was his mother hitting him there when he woke her up from napping.....since then, they have founded it AGAINST me due to his telling the investigators it was me. He comes to our house crying saying mommy is lying and he told them what she told him to say. We have hired an atty and she is great.....we just dodged a bullet by going to court this morning as she wanted to restrict visits until court in Nov,,,,,,judge denied her wish and just ordered that i am not to be alone with him until Nov so we will do that......I dont understand how all the allegations where not investigated and the sheriffs office who had the case just went off the DHS report. SHE ADMITTED TO STRIKING HIM, I DID NOT!!! how is this possible?? will an adminstrative judge see the absurdity of this when we appeal, geesh!!!They have not even contacted me about this report being founded, they just told my atty that it was.....so no saftey plan or any contact with me??? Im confused
If you go in front of a
If you go in front of a judge, you should talk to your attorney about having the kid take the stand to talk to the judge. It may be stressful on the kid to start but it may be the only way to clear your name.
The child doesn't have to
The child doesn't have to take the stand in the courtroom to testify. The judge can take the child into their chambers & talk with them...ask them questions, etc.
There should be a GAL assigned for the child anyway. That way, he has someone to present his feelings/thoughts & their findings from talking to the child one-on-one to the judge.
Hi I am so sorry to hear all
Hi
I am so sorry to hear all the awful things you are going through.
Your step son has admitted that his mother told him to say this surely this must stand for something. So are you going to court re the charges etc .
I'm so very sorry you are
I'm so very sorry you are dealing with this. I am continually astounded by the extent some people will go to cause conflict. I agree with every one who suggests you get a lawyer. Protect yourself from this.
If I were in your shoes I would be more proactive on a daily basis also. I would disengage, possibly to the extent there was no contact at all with the child to protect myself. I would explain to my DH that it's not worth the risk that she will use it against you. I would make myself other plans when the child was there and totally remove myself from the equation.
I might even take it a step further and send a letter to both the BM and DHS saying that I take these allegation very serious and have taken all necessary steps to protect myself from further association with the situation.
It's vindictive and wrong to use a child in such a game. But a game takes two players and it's in the child's best interest to remove the only one you can control.
Continue advocating on behalf
Continue advocating on behalf of the child. It seems he's suffering some real abuse from his mother and needs someone to stick up for him.