My boyfriend babies his 7 year old daughter
My boyfriend still rocks his 7 year old to sleep, washes her hair, and dries her off after a shower. She knows very well how to do things for herself but constantly asks "daddy can you help me" and he is right there at her service whether it be her deciding she doesn't want to tie her shoes that day, or she forgot how to get dressed that day. At what age does it become inappropriate for a man to still be helping his daughter take a shower and get dressed? She is at his side constantly, barely wanting to give us time with our bedroom door closed to get dressed. It is only a matter of minutes before she is banging on the door "Daddy, Daddy" He has spolied her with attention that now she can't survive without his constant "help". I have tried to suggest to him about her needing to learn how to be independent but it all comes back to him "feeling bad for her" because she has it rough with he and her mom being divorced, and "all she has been through" He divorced her mother when she was just a year old. I have been in her life since age 2 1/2. I think it is about time to stop using the excuse of what all she has been through. She has had a stable life since before she can remember. I have helped to raise and care for her for almost 5 years now. I am still put 2nd and even 3rd in this family because my boyfriend caters to his child.
My BF does the same thing
My BF does the same thing with his 10 year old with the exception of the drying off in the shower, but if she could get him to do that she would want that. She is very clingy and needy. She is very small for her age and still rides in grocery cart if that paints a picture...LOL... I don't really know at what age things become inappropriate but I would think after age 4-5, most kids can do these things for themselves. My kids didn't require assistance with a bath after that age or even before nor did they want help. My BF caters to her every want that she is perfectly capable of doing on her own. He has no excuse other than saying...well she's my daughter?????? He is proud of the fact that she is spoiled beyond belief and that she can manipulate him in every way imaginable. I don't get it either...I would think that you would want to raise your children to be productive, independent people who are fun to be around. I don't know but I feel for you.
My BF also allows his 7 year
My BF also allows his 7 year old son to sit in the grocery cart, it is nice to hear that I am not the only one having to try to understand this! This past weekend we let SS7 have a friend spend the night and I let BF be responsiable for both boys all weekend...I think it may have helped him see the developmental differences between his son and another child of the same age, something he doesn't normally see since we only have him EOW. Maybe it will help him to see that he is not helping his son by doing everything for him. The other little boy even made comments as to why SS7 wouldn't help clean up toys, put on pj's, etc when asked by an adult.
LOL...I don't know why the
LOL...I don't know why the sitting in the grocery car thing bothers me so much but it just eats me alive when she does that. She has a friend that comes over a lot and the developmental differences and the spoiled, narcissstic behavior are very evident in Princess. Yes her friend does the same thing as your SS friend. She asks Princess why don't you do what your dad tells you or she'll tell her you get everything you want and you are mean to your dad. My BF doesn't realize how much he is holding her back...he just thinks he is being a good dad...and he is a good dad but a terrible parent.
Haha! GDS, God I wish I could
Haha! GDS, God I wish I could figure out someway to show daddy this w/o admitting it. heck with it, I'm gonna admit it, its not like we are getting along now anyway.
I am sad to admit but my DH
I am sad to admit but my DH babies his son and he is 22yo. You need to put a stop to it or it will just escalate. Crayon gave excellent advise, read the links they have valuable information you could use to educate your BF. Good luck.
Thank you for your feedback I
Thank you for your feedback I will try to bring this information about hovering parents to his attention. Maybe if he sees that if what he is doing could actually hurt his daughter more than help her he will start to change his ways!
Omigosh...ok...first of all,
Omigosh...ok...first of all, DH and I have 2 BD's who are 7 and 9. They are both fairly capable of doing the items you mentioned on their own, particularly my older BD. In fact, by age 8, I started making her wear a training bra, and DH cringes anytime she wanders out after her shower stark naked! Her body is changing and she really is very mature for her age. Our 7yo has a totally different build and will be lucky to wear a bra by 15! haha I do insist on helping our 7yo wash her hair in the shower because it's long and naturally spiral curls, and really, she just wouldnt do a good job. But literally both my girls insist they "CAN DO IT MYSELF" almost no matter what it is!
You are correct that your bf has conditioned his daughter to do these things. Regardless of whether she truly needs assistance, or if she's old enough to do it herself, the point is she does it because she gets the reaction from her dad. She knows it makes him feel important and needed and he internalizes this to himself as "being a good parent." This overcompensating is a huge disservice to his daughter and is purely self-serving. He does this because it makes HIM feel good, whether he realizes this or not. (maybe SOMEONE should point it out)
Like you said, this is the only life his daughter has ever known. And she can think that it's OK and normal and totally fine.....OR she can think that there is secretly something wrong with it, and that's why everyone is tip-toeing around her and trying to make her feel better, and giving her a complex about something - and she doesnt even know what! Your bf needs a major wakeup call. He is compromising her security. HE needs to "become OK" with the decisions he's made in the past, and KNOW that they were in everyone's best interest, including the little princess.
I bet she has No Idea why her dad has this guilt, and there's a good chance she will eventually decide that it's somehow her fault. Of course she cant verbalize any of this yet, but someday she will, when she's on a shrink's couch trying to figure out why she is unhappy with herself and her life!