SD Feels She's Not The Center When She Comes to Visit Anymore
Hubby and I just got married this past February so we're still technically on our honeymoon.
SD19 is due to deliver a baby in September and has since become a complete attention whore.
Not that she wasn't before..oh my God. It was all about her and when she came in my home if you didn't know that you would have to have been blind, deaf, and dumb.
I'm finding out she feels she doesn't have quality time with her 'daddy' anymore.
The last time she came down she was here 2 hours before I got off work - I believe it was about 4 weeks ago. I came home, changed clothes and went out back where my DH was. He was playing cornhole with SD's friend in our backyard. So I walked out to him, hugged and kissed him hello - and I instantly heard her behind me began to yell "Daddy!"
He and I tried to talk amidst her "Daddy!!" pleas...and then her "I came all the way down here and you ignore me..thanks!" tantrums (as to which he ignored as did I) and her storming in our house like a raving lunatic.
She had been with her 'Daddy' for 2 hours before I got here so I guess I was to take the hint I was NOT to take time away from her and her 'daddy's' quality time.
Each time he kissed or touched me I could hear "Daddy!" behind me. It was incessant and ridiculous. I almost wanted to turn around and say that she was carrying a child inside her - act like it! Quit being a child and grow up.
Now she feels she and her father are growing apart...poor baby.
I'll be damned if I act like she runs my home when she's here. I'm almost dreading when that baby comes for I can see her REALLY ruling the roost - or trying - anywhere she goes.
I am really beginning to dread her time here - and if she feels she's not getting attention I wonder what lengths she'll go to.
I guess she'll go as far as my DH lets her...eh??
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Oh you better believe the
Oh you better believe the tears would start..oh my God! We'd have to have one of those Shammy cloths to clean up her teardrops. :jawdrop:
We were in a restaurant one time and I had to stand and wait for a table by myself while she cuddled up to 'Daddy' in the chair..laid practically in his lap and had him cuddle her. I told him later that we all looked rather odd - your wife was standing alone while your adult pregnant daughter was on the bench with you lying in your lap - her fiance standing up by himself as well.
I know that she alone does not make it happen...DH had better get on the mark too....you know?
Wow...my 6 yr old SS does all
Wow...my 6 yr old SS does all those same things, at least he has the excuse that he's only 6! Is this what I have to look forward to when he's that old??? Geez...
How dreadful! I am likely to
How dreadful!
I am likely to turn and say "Oh sweetie. Go cuddle YOUR man and I will cuddle mine. Look at your poor fiance all over there on his own...*smile*"
Then when you get DH on his own read him the riot act. I would add that people in the restaurant probably thought I was your sister and you were the baby's father. Just for effect.
I am sorry you have to deal with a SD like this.
A couple of questions (and
A couple of questions (and forgive me that I don't know your whole story):
*Is SD "with" the father of her unborn baby? And if so, why isn't she "all over" him instead of YOUR DH?
*Is she keeping this baby? If so, I feel sorry for this kid! A BABY (emotionally-speaking) raising a baby. (so tragic).
And most importantly:
*When your SD acts this way, which is totally inappropriate, why does your DH LET HER???
I'd be totally skeeved out if my SD19 acted that way in a public place with my DH. In fact, I think I'd LEAVE the restaurant. YUCK.
Ick ick ick. Your DH doesn't
Ick ick ick. Your DH doesn't get that this is totally inappropriate? I feel so sorry for the new baby.
How sad for SD when her baby
How sad for SD when her baby arrives & it takes all the attention away from her. :sick:
Tell Athena to back
Tell Athena to back down.
That's got to be the biggest issue I have seen on this website - Athena and Oedipus Complexes. It's so sickening.
Thank you ladies for seeing
Thank you ladies for seeing what I'm saying..I was beginning to think I was looking at it from a different light..my SD has a way of making you feel that she is okay in her thinking, which I am sure a lot of you deal with as well.
My DH told me that when she was younger he allowed no one to get at her because she was a princess. I quickly reminded him that she was no longer considered "younger" - she is an adult with a child on the way.
Their relationship is very odd to me at times - I have seen him so angry at her that he's spitting fire literally. Most of their arguments are stemming from her trying to push her mother on him..he hates his ex wife and his daughter has a way of making it seem he should somehow help his ex.
Then the next day, he's acting like she's 6 years old again and they are all buddy buddy once more.
Since I've known him she's told him some HUGE whoppers..she has said she has cervical cancer and a brain tumor..as to which we have not heard anything more from since it was tearfully told to us. You would have thought the world was coming to an end. I told him to call her bluff and ask her to give the name of the doctor so he could call and talk to him..the name was never given and all the talk stopped.
Then she stated she got into a very prestigious college - full scholarship and housing..the works. Only problem is she had quit high school and had no diploma. This lie went on for MONTHS. She lived with her worthless mother and we were none the wiser. When it all came out, more lies ensued.
And I can remember another time when she got put in the hospital for having some kind of 'attack'. She was slurring and stuttering her words..I sat in that hospital room in complete and total disbelief. Again you would have thought the world was coming to an end. Doctor's said it was psychopseumatic - yea it's psycho alright.
I feel like I am living in a drama filled world with this kid. Her mother is exactly the same way..creates drama and lies, so her daughter followed her footsteps. And I just so happen to be with her father who coddles her.
The real kicker? If my DH didn't put up with it from her mother...why does he put up with it from his daughter??
Amazing..
Is this girl in therapy? She
Is this girl in therapy? She sounds completely imbalanced emotionally. Faking illnesses for attention is pathetic. Someone this old should not require her father's constant attention. It's just unhealthy for her to feel her father should not be able to greet his wife. Its sad and terrifying to think someone this immature and unstable is bringing a child into the world.
Nope..no therapy. Neither her
Nope..no therapy. Neither her father or mother has ever seen fit to do that. They only enable the behavior by not calling her out on any of it.
It's gotten to the point when I hear the "Daddy!" mantra coming from this grown woman I want to run in the opposite direction. It's just so childish.
Between her mother being the same way as the daughter - and Daddy allowing her to be this way - this is sadly how she is going to be for probably the rest of her life. She is manipulating, controlling, deceiving...and those are her good qualities. Everyone has catered to her for so long it's hard to imagine her changing now.
About 2 months ago, I saw my SS's girlfriend sit down next to my DH - his daughter was sitting down beside him. She looked at the girlfriend and said very angry "Go get your own DADDY!" The whole room fell silent - this woman is pregnant and a grown adult. When my DH told the girlfriend to not pay attention I watched my SD leave the room crying, wanting someone to follow her.
Surprisingly - my DH did not. I thought my heart would stop because he chose to let her go. She was angry at him for over an hour for that. Acted like a jealous girlfriend and she's his daughter.
Again...amazing.
I have a sickening feeling
I have a sickening feeling this is what I have to look forward to in 10 years. I have a 9 yo SD(10 next month) who has a sick infatuation with her father. Listening to her call for "DADDY" is worse than listening to nails on a chalk board. She is already so far behind emotionally than any other 9/10 yo I know and I really fear for her future. You should really call her out on her behavior. It sounds to me like she feels she can walk all over you and your relationship with your DH and someone needs to put a stop to it. She needs to be reminded that she IS an adult and needs to start acting like it...if not for herself, then for that innocent little baby! Good luck!
Your sd19 sounds like my ss5
Your sd19 sounds like my ss5 when i am on the phone. When i am talking on the phone - alot of the time in a language that is not my native tongue to my family members in spain or germany, ss immediately realizes he is no longer the center of my attention, even if he was playing quietly by himself two seconds befor ei picked up the phone, and climbs on me, tugs on my clothes, tries to talk to me etc. etc. If I had a 19 year old stepdaughter who acts like my 5 year old, i would do what i do to her what i do to the five year old to emphasize how childesh she is being - politely ask who i am talking to to hang on just one second, take a star off of her star chart, tell her she is not getting a special treat at the end of the day, and send her to sit in her room until i get off the phone.
Honestly guys - this is going
Honestly guys - this is going to take some serious work to get my DH to see how far it's gone and is out of control.
She has been like this since I first met her - so that tells me she's gotten away with it for some time now.
What my DH is sometimes forgetting is that I was a stepmother in my previous marriage..to 2 teenage daughters that were so drama ridden that it was surreal. I can smell drama a mile away and can call it out like nobody's business.
So I honestly think that any relationship my DH has had since his divorce has been not very serious - AND - he has never been with someone like me who has been there and done that with stepchildren. I will NOT tolerate the childish behavior because I've dealt with it before. I sometimes feel he becomes embarrassed when I call her behavior out as if I don't care enough about her to spare her the embarrassment of him telling her to act like an adult.
I know my work is cut out for me due to how he coddles her - but I ALSO know that as a wife I will not put up with feeling I'm competing with a jealous girlfriend over my DH's affection.
Her situation? She is engaged to the father of her baby..ok? Yet she hangs out with her ex boyfriend who she cheated on with the baby's father. I feel BOTH men are stupid for being played in this way. I don't feel she has any honest attachment to either man and she is clingy to her father because it's making her feel safe and she doesn't have to work at it. A father's love is unconditional and a child knows it. She doesn't put herself out there to her fiance a whole lot because he is very upset over her spending time with her ex..and her ex is unhappy she is pregnant by another man.
SO....my SD feels her dad is the only safe haven to be around. Sick..very sick. But sadly what I'm seeing. If she was secure in her relationship with her fiance..and had NO ex around..then her fiance would be the one she would cling to and shower her affections on. That makes me feel their marriage is doomed to hell. If she can't be loving towards him now while she's pregnant with his child..how is she going to be when the child comes and they are planning their wedding?
My DH has let this go on wayyyyyyy tooooooo long......
My DH in one word towards his
My DH in one word towards his daughter = clueless.