You are here

My fiance has a problem with my daughter

Newmomof5's picture

My soon to be husband and I are living together in my apartment with my 2 daughters. My oldest is 17 and will be 18 in 3 months. She has plans to move in with her bf and her attitude seems to be that she can do what she wants because she is leaving soon anyway.

While I feel her personality has gotten better and she is showing more respect for me, the new rules in our blended home (fiance has 3 children) are causing my daughter to be somewhat irritated with my fiance. Their history is not really a great one. When she first met my fiance he made her cry during a conversation in which she just got up and walked away. It seems that on a daily basis I am listening to my fiance talk negatively about my daughter and it's driving me nuts. He feels she is rude and disrespectful and I feel that he is trying to be her father and she doesn't want a new one. I would NEVER let my children be rude to anyone, and when my kids are I correct them.

It's causing a lot of tension between my fiance and I because he doesn't think she should be rewarded with things like going to the mall when the other kids are going because of her "disrespect" for him. I just don't see what he does and feel that he is being WAY oversensitive about it.

prettyinpink's picture

is he that way with his own kids? maybe because they got off on the wrong foot he dislikes her... If I were you I would have a talk with the both of them (u alone with one at a time) and just expalain to them that you love them both very much and u dont appreciate them not trying to get a long and that it is putting preassure on you and hopefully that helps especially with ur fiance, he needs to know ecxactly what you said " he is not her dad and she does'nt want or need another one" he can give her advice and that is it!!! good luck let me know if things get better

Newmomof5's picture

He is somewhat this way with his own daughter (15yo) but he forgives and forgets so easily with her. I have heard her call him every name in the book and seen her COMPLETELY ignore his requests for her attention and respect. She has cursed at him, hung up on him, told him to stay out of her ****ing life, tell him how he should do things, on and on. She will then call him a day later and say she is sorry. Then 2 days later he will say "Oh X has been so good lately. I want to buy her that new iPod she wants." Yet he accuses MY daughter of using him? I just don't get it.

His children live with their BM in another city so I am also getting the impression that my fiance is using my children as his pseudo family since he is not truly able to parent his own.

It's really putting a strain on our relationship.

Shannon61's picture

Clearly they started off on a bad note, and maybe things will improve down the road.

Since she's moving out soon, he needs to do more to keep the peace. We all know teenagers don't always do or say the right thing. But wise adults learn to over look certain things to avoid living in a war zone.

Since his primary relationship is with you, he needs to focus more on YOUR relationship. His daily bashing of her will only cause resentment and eventually destroy your relationship. Make him realize this!

Good luck.

buttercookie's picture

Just because she's moving soon doesn't mean she won't return. You need to have your daughter respect your partner and not let her rule to house because she's thinking of moving out. Your allowing her to disrespect an adult