I find this to be the most irritating part of being married to someone with children and an ex. They always have some bit of control in your life. There are things that I tell my kids no, it'll have to wait, but BM calls in a few weeks/days/months and says I paid for this for SD and I need your half. It just plain sucks !

No matter how many times we tell her that she needs to consult us prior since we have to budget money for things she just goes and does it. I tell DH maybe he shouldn't pay her and she would stop but noooooo, he won't. He says he's responsible and the court would make him pay it so he does. True, maybe he is responsible and would end up paying it but she probably wouldn't take him to court over it and might learn a lesson.

Our BM recently asked for 1/2 of SD's contact lens cost, then says she is picking up eye insurance in a month and SD will be covered under that when it kicks in. So why didn't she wait to get the contacts????? glasses were working just fine.

Makes me crazy!

I completely know what you mean. I also went into a house/mortgage before we were married, it's all in my name. And honestly it's been fine. What gets to me is SD just feels entitled to it all, actually asked if she could have our house someday.

She has no idea that without me (the most evilest of SM's) her dad couldn't live near as well as we do. She would not have what she does, take the vacations she does, join all the activities she does, receive the out of control gift giving she does. His CS doesn't leave him enough left to support himself let alone provide SD with any extras.

And BM is just like yours...nails, tanning, name brand everything, salon hair. None of which I can afford.

I am full of resentment today. Most days I just try not to focus on it. I repeat to DH as often as possible money is tight, is that expense really necessary, we can't afford it.

:jawdrop: My ex wanted me to pay cs and all these extra stuff, I told her no way , take me to court . I barely have money for gas in my car and she makes 72k !!!

Hey colliebean72, I hear you and I absolutely could've written your post. I've also been with my BF for over 6 years and sometimes feel like I've aged 20 years, too.

First of all, there should absolutely be NO JOINT BIRTHDAY PARTIES. That is just completely unnecessary, unless your BF & his exW somehow have this extremely rare & unusual good relationship/friendship (which INCLUDES YOU) and they've been successfully doing the "joint party" thing for many years. Bottom line: they are no longer together. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you & BF having a party for SD at your house (no exW or her relatives invited) - it is very normal and typical after parents divorce/break up. Like everything else, it will take a little getting used to on skids' parts (& depending on age, it may take longer or shorter) that their parents are no longer together and these celebrations will be separate. Kids are resilient and they will eventually get used to this and become accustomed to this being the normal thing - a bday party at your house and a bday party at hers. No iffs, ands or buts. My BF did this from Day One with skids and they are now SD15 & SS12 (they were 9 & 6 when I met BF) - they are used to this and would think it was weird if it were any other way now. They never expect BM/his exW to be invited to parties/functions we give for them at our house.

Second, your BF needs to only pay exactly what he is court-ordered to pay - nothing more, nothing less. Assuming you have an unappreciative, entitled, lazy BM to deal with (as many of us do), anything above & beyond what is court ordered is absolutely considered a "gift" and he will not be credited for paying any $ that he's agreeing to pay above what he's required to pay. No such thing as getting it back. What is paid is already gone. Let this be a lesson, that's all. From this point forward, your BF needs to stand his ground with the BM & her unilateral decisions to spend $ that BF doesn't have. If the divorce order says she has to get his agreement before she spends it, and she doesn't, she's SOL if it ever goes to court. Again, it all goes back to what the divorce decree says. Stick with it - it is a lifesaver when needed to avoid all the BM drama. Your BF is headed in the right direction if he informs her immediately that he is NOT paying 50% of camp unless he has agreed to it (unless his divorce order says he has to). She'll learn the hard way when she gets stuck with paying 100% of the tab for something that he never agreed to in the first place.

I hate it when these BM's just spend $$ without communicating with the father about it, then just expect the $$ to somehow "magically appear" when it actually needs to be PAID FOR. Especially if she knows your BF is currently injured and cannot work - hello????

Good luck colliebean & I hope this helps. Just wanted to let you know that I felt for you when I read your post & that you're certainly not alone in your frustration. This is your BF's problem to fix - one of those "line in the sand" moments with his exW that will define their future dealings with one another that BB has brought up on this site in the past. She wants control to spend his money as she wishes - what he ALLOWS her to do will be one of many defining moments of how this will go in the future.

They always come groveling for more $. I have never asked my EXH for 1 penny more than his CS! Read my last blog Colliebean... You'll get a good laugh @ how stupid my DH & BM both are! Believe me it's worth the read... things could be worse!

As far as the B-Day party... good luck. I lost that argument just a couple months ago.

Best wishes & keep you chin up!