I know she is only 4....but
Me and DH know in our head that SD is only 4 years old..and the things she say should not bother us…but it really hurts our feelings. Take for instance this weekend I went and met BM to pick up SD4 because DH was sick with the flu and the min she gets in the car she starts asking me when she can go home to her mommy….And I tell her Sunday…well she continues to bug the hell out of me and DH all night asking over and over when she can go home….I keep nicely telling her Sunday and that our home is her home too that she has two homes…one at mommy’s house and one at daddy’s house…I asked DH does it hurt your feelings when she acts like she could care less to spend any time with us and he said yeah…I told him it hurt mine too…Me and DH go out of our way to do things for her….We plan our summer vacation around having her so she can go with us and her sisters…our other two little girls….I told her yesterday we were taking them to the beech…just for her to turn to me and say…I don’t like the beech I don’t want to go….and then I told her me and daddy were going to take her to the zoo on our next weekend visit and she said I don’t want to go to the zoo with ya’ll I want to go with my mommy…I makes me and my DH think why should we even try?? I hurts our feelings so much…Yesterday when I went to drop her off with BM she totally turned into a different kid...Lets see I reached back to get something out of the back seat while BM was getting SD4 out of her car seat…and SD4 yelled at me DON’T TOUCH ME…and I said I wasn’t touching you I was getting something out of the floor….(BM didn’t tell her that was not nice) And then I said I love you ….and all she did was go eeeeggggggggg (sorry don’t know how to make that horrible sound with typing) really loud…to which BM did not correct and tell her that is not nice….she turned into such a horrible brat as soon as BM shows up….Sorry I am rambling so much but will it ever change when she gets older or is she always going to HATE spending time with us?
Four years old is pretty
Four years old is pretty young to be separated from either parent and do the back and forth stuff.
When my son was younger, he would pull the same stuff with my ex. Of course, the difference was I corrected him when he was being rude. But the behavior of "i wanna go home to mommy" continued for a while.
Just hang in there honey and don't take it personal. Keep doing what you're doing and stop trying so hard to please her...she'll eventually come around. And if she doesn't come around, perhaps it isn't all her fault...BM might have a LOT to do with the behavior.
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We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin
Do like my husband and I
Do like my husband and I started to do lately- do not try so hard to make her happy.
My ss is 5 1/2 and STILL doing the same crap. I gave up trying to make him happy and comfortable and my DH is not too far behind me.
Kids say some mean things but their parents should teach them some basic manners too. (imho)
Chin up!
Oh I know BM feels insecure
Oh I know BM feels insecure about my relationship with DH...And her relationship with DH is horrible...DH hates the ground she walks on...if you read my previous post you will know why...she has put us through hell and back when it comes to SD4...She thinks she can just take her whenever she feels like it...She uses SD4 against us when she is mad at DH or me....I can't could how much money we have spent to find her in contempt every time she pulls her stunt...but no matter how much money we spend on good layers they never find her in contempt….ya know why? Because her family is loaded and they know all the judges in our small town…Hell BM’s grandfather and father play golf with them on the weekends…so we are screwed in that department…
And yes SD4 is usually just fine with me….actually she is very loving with me…every night when I put her to bed she wants to give me a kiss and a hug…and if I forget she will remind me pretty quickly…lol…and every time I tell her I love her at our house she says I love you too…SD4 is usually a very sweet loving kind child…she is the best 4 year old ever at our house…just sits and plays with her baby dolls…But as soon as BM comes around devil child comes out…
And about me and DH giving her everything she want…I promise you we do not do that at all….We just want to include her into family vacations with our two girls…and we try SOME weekends…not every…to plan something fun for ALL the kids…Like taking them to the zoo….I try and treat all my kids…SD and mine the same….even though it’s hard I do catch myself favoring my kids over SD4…..or being a little nicer to them…I try really hard not to do that but I’m sure you all can see where I’m coming from…
I asked DH the other night if he felt the same kind of love for SD4 as he does for our two daughters together (because I can see where he treat them differently also) and he said no….He said he loves our two girls together more than SD4….It makes me feel bad for SD4 in a way..but he explained it to me…He said he was never there for her first steps or first words or any of that..and he was there for all of that with our girls…Does anyone else’s DH’s feel that way about their kids….It seems I hear on her all the time about BF guilt parenting….But my DH is the exact opposite I have to tell him to spend time with her…I’m sure his attachment or UN-attachment issues come from stupid BM …When she found out I was pregnant with DD#1 she went crazy….at the time SD4 had just turned one and as soon as she found out she kept SD4 away from DH for 7 months….and then this past summer during the first week of our summer visit she decided she did not want us to have her anymore so she took her from us and we didn’t see her again for another few months…No wonder SD4 acts the way she does…..BM is a crazy women who still lives at home with her parents…because no normal man will put up with her….I wish you all could see the way she babies SD4….You can tell who runs the show….SD4 walks all over her BM and gets anything she wants…
OMG! This was exactly what I
OMG! This was exactly what I was logging on to write about tonight!. SS will be 4 next month and every weekend he does start with the "I want Mommy" bit when we tell him no or time for bed. However this weekend took the cake....
He's happy, content, hanging out and all of a sudden BM calls to say goodnight and point blank says "Mommy, come rescue me....Mommy, will you come rescue me"....
He said it 5 times Friday night and at least 3 times Saturday night on the phone with her. I flipped out the first night. You talk about feeling like a HORRIBLE person. What 4 year old asks to be "rescued"? I mean we went to the park and swimming and they had a blast...but still he wants to rescued...I felt like the worst person possible...and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
However SS3 made it better when he got a 'ouchie' and he wanted me to kiss it instead of "Daddy"
Struggling, but trying to remember that he is 4 and doesn't really understand...