i'm brand new here but i am online to find any help i can because i want my relationship with my fiance to last!
he has a 22 year old daughter that he is more of a friend to than a father. he has done everything with/for her; her mother is an alcoholic who is just emotionally unavailable! he's done everything with her from early childhood to present...including taking her for birth control when she became sexually active IN HIGH SCHOOL...he was a 'band parent'; bought her the best musical instruments money could buy...supported her decision to do basically anything she wanted to do. i've always admired his support of her but in the last few years things have gotten terribly bad.
she became pregnant in senior year in high school and decided to terminate the pregnancy. then went off to college for 2 1/2 years....came back to a local college for a semester....then went back to the first college.....to what we thought was to finish school
in november she came home for thanksgiving break and dropped the pregnant bomb in the living room...i'm pregnant...in my senior year in college but don't worry i'll finish my courses online and graduate anyway. she wants us and everyone around her to be excited about the pregnancy but she is in her senior year in college, pregnant by a guy who sees no sense of urgency to get a job with medical benefits, she only knew him 3 months when she became pregnant, by the way!
somehow her father convinced her to get back to campus despite her claims that they don't allow pregnant women on campus because it "disrupts student life" LOL. (she's a storyteller, can you tell?) so she goes back to school....this week she came home for easter break and explains that she just found out last week that she is 5 COURSES SHORT to graduate. we had already made hotel reservations for the supposed graduation in may; her grandparents are excited to see her graduate....(they don't know she isn't graduating yet! they will be crushed)
she isn't working.....is living on medicaid with her boyfriend's mother who, let's just say, doesn't maintain the same clean house that we do.....
the whole situation is a fiasco!
add to that her foul language and bantering that goes on with her father...they think it's funny...the entire rest of the family doesn't find the humor in a 22 year old woman soon to be a mother telling her father "in jest" to "go f$#@ himself" because he told her she has that "pregnant waddle going on". not to mention the $750 that i loaned her that she never paid back but had the money to get a beautiful new tattoo a few months later. she promised to pay it back once a loan came thru. never did. and her dad side stepped me on it. told her to pay him back knowing full well that i would never ask him for the money. bad situation!
we are trying to be happy about the baby coming but there is no way that she realizes what she is getting into. and i feel like it's just a matter of time before she's knocking on the door looking for handouts and for "daddy-fix-it" to make it all better.
my fiance has co-signed ALL her student loans, lost his 6 figure job in august due to the economy; is going to school himself to find a new profession; has been forced to go bankrupt because going from a 6 figure income to unemployment benefits is mathematically impossible to maintain the same style of living.
she has late notices mailed to our address for her car payment; her cell phone was recenly turned off......an unpaid parking ticket! how long before the student loans come due and she lets them default to her father who she knows is struggling financially!
the worse part is i'm building such a resentment toward her that it is affecting my relationship with the man i love more than anything in this world.
he just never calls her on the carpet about things. lets her lie to his face...continues to tell her how great she is...etc. he too is concerned about the student loans and says he'll write her off if she screws him with them.
i've never had children of my own and he just says "welcome to parenthood".
i've built such a resentment now that he knows it...he says he doesn't like to have his daugher over when i'm home because it's uncomfortable. but why is it ok for their vulgar bantering to bother me? when i asked him to talk to her and curb it a little he said "that's how we are".
i could go on and on and on...........and it would only sound worse and worse.
but i truly love this man. as long as she isn't around...we're fine. but when she is...we argue and bicker. i feel like second fiddle. i feel like i'll never be the most important thing in his life. i feel like he needs to be more of a father instead of a friend.
i'm afraid to talk to her and tell her how i feel because i don't want to put a wedge between him and i!!!!
i'm so confused!!!!!!!!!! please help me accept all that i can! i want to be with this man the rest of my life. i love him like i've never loved before!
sorry this was so long and thanks for reading it.