I'm a Christian and it's hard to turn the other cheek and kill the stepchildren with kindness. Some days I just want to kill them period! One thing my DH and I disagree on is calling his children out when they've offended him. He takes it like a doormat, and I can't believe he chooses to! He thinks by not pointing out how they've hurt him, it's like heaping burning coals on his head and he'll get rewarded for it at some point. When he's dead, maybe...but for right now it just stinks when you bust yourself being nice to your spouse's grown children and it goes unnoticed. I get the same reaction as you do but imagine I have only one child I brought into this marriage DH has to deal with but I inherited 6, yes six!!!!! 6 very different personalities and agendas.

I would tell SD your feelings were hurt as you made that quilt just for her and if she didn't want it, the least she could've done was do something with it where you wouldn't have found out it went in a garage sale from her mother. It could've been given to a needy family from her missions work, etc. Even grown children today are so unappreciative for what they've been given. I think if my 9 year old treats me in the future like the stepchildren do their father today, I'm going to be heartbroken! Now my son has ADHD and Aspberger's Syndrome (mild autism) and I've had my hands full since his birth but he knows who is in charge and like the bible verse says, he honors his mother and father. We have two children that aren't close to DH..one hasn't seen him in 6 months and the other in 3.5 years. I pray often their hearts will be changed and the excuses they make to not allow their fathers to be a close part of their lives will change so I understand your frustration. My DH tries to act like it doesn't bother him but you can tell it does. The cell phone bill is proof of how little his kids think of him unless they want something. The youngest had a birthday in early November and has yet to make arrangements with us to meet for a meal and get his gift. We haven't seen him since he graduated high school in May. Makes me wonder about priorities.

Try to hang in there. I'm in therapy for a reason and it does me a world of good. I'm seeing my therapist every week through the holidays and normally see her every 2-3 weeks. It helps me put things in perspective to realize I am not the "parent" but my DH is where the stepchildren are concerned. If he doesn't care if he's mistreated, why should I care if he's mistreated. Now if they mistreat ME, that is a totally different story. I call them out on it and if my husband protests, we fight and he gets silence for a while til he notices my hurt. I don't blow things off easily; never have, never will. People matter to me.

Me (41). DH (turns 54 late November). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us. 4 biological and 2 my DH helped raise with his 2nd wife.

I can relate to the quilt story - it was wrong I feel as well. Here is my dilemma. I met DH when SD was 3. Her parents divorced when she was 6 mths old so never had them together in her life that she remembers. Her BM married another officer, moved all over world for 12 years. WE paid for and flew in SD for summers over the 16 years and during this time I was the mom. I had to make all the communicaitons with ex and the SD appeared to love me and we got along (I thought). In her 1st year of college, she decidees to quit as her BM is divorcing husband #2 and SD can't deal. She has one sister with her other SD and now we finally had our own daughter .. so SD decides to move in with us, if we pay for he college. DH said to tell her we'd pay for college if she moved here. Then he bought her a 10,000$ car, then just paid for her wedding. Now she is 27, has her Masters, lives down the road and became a mom. Sounds grounded. Always nice, but suttley mean and hurtful to her SS my daughter who is now 11.

SD tells my 11 year old she wants to joint plan a surprise BD party for their dad. SD is making good money. When time comes to plan lists, venue, she freaks out that I expect her to help with costs. WE have friends, family, coworkers that would involve it costing possibly 500/each if done right/catererd etc. She calls DH, shows him email outlining party plans and says I put strings on all things in her life, how dare I not pay for her new babies Christening, put strings on college etc. All of these choices were his but all communication always went thru me as he is a recovering AA and never could deal with how her mom was a manipulative person and now the daughter. He noticed lies over the years and drama.

Bottom line, party is in a few weeks. My 11 year old doesn't want to invite the SD due to her possibly ruining surprise again. She didn't show for Halloween with baby, nor Thanksgiving. All my friends say do the right thing and invite her but she had ruined initial plans and surprise. Now I have it planned a few weeks earlier, another venue but he deserves this but said her nastiness that day, recently almost made him want to drink. I was told not to communicate with her , no emails or texts and one day she'll need us. But she has been texting pic's to him of the baby for holidays but never showed and was to spend it with us. Sorry if this is confusing.

PS A journal she wrote in that we read a few years ago had many lies about how we met, that I broke up her parents and other major lies that were not true. I met him after he had been divorced for three years. My gut tells me she only wanted him to be the dad and not thru me. He supported and we paid for all things for her but now I sense her mission was to take all she could get.

PSS Her mom lives 1000 miles away but now has come in frequently and divorced AGAIN. I know she still loves my husband. HELP! DO I INVITE SD TO PARTY?

Thanks Peace n' Quiet.............. Your thoughts helped a lot!!!!!!!!!!!

I can so relate to the quilt issue. I made quilts for my skids as their thank you gift for being in our wedding. Spent hours finding the perfect fabrics and then quilting queen size quilts. My SD loved it and aprreciated it. My SS loved it but his wife said he's a little old for that but it will make a nice blanket for our dogs. SS loves Superman and I had found fabric with the S symbol on it and other fabric that matched it. I was so hurt. Unfortunately, I didn't learn from that... I made SS's wife a scrapbook for her birthday. And she just tossed it aside and said thanks. The next time we visited, I found it tucked behind the couch (we were helping them move) and the dog had peed on it. I've learned now. I just give gifts to the grandchild.

Oooohh I LOVE the idea of deducting the time spent on the quilt from SD's inheritance-but $20/hr is closer to a living wage and I would imagine that making a quilt is very labor-intensive. (make sure to tack on another 3 hours worth for the heartbreak she caused you

I can so re-late to the quilt. My BF recently moved into my house with his D18. Going through his house to make sure he got everything, I came across garbage bags full. Garbage bags full of Christmas presents, birthday presents, gifts we bought on trips for her. Tags still on them... all in the garbage. Hurt??? doesn't even begin to cover it. When we brought it to her attention she said, "I understand why you are upset." No explanation. Nothing. And I am supposed to be loving, accomidating and an accepting step now. yep, yep.