Rows...what do you do ?
Forums:
I am sure this is a favourite topic and been addressed in the past but I just wanted to know how people cope when their SD's (aged 14) start being very rude and horrible to their BM?
Do you step in and back your wife up or do you hold back because if you step in you get spoken to in the same, if not worse manner ie you ain't my dad, i'm talking to my mum not you, its nothing to do with you etc etc etc and it ends up turning into a worse slanging match ?
Also how do you feel when as a stepparent you are spoken to in the above way (you ain't my dad, i'm talking to my mum not you, its nothing to do with you etc etc etc)? Personally I find it very hard to take esepcially when you have done so much for them ?
When my husband's daughters
When my husband's daughters lived at home with us, I never ever became involved in discipline. I left it to my husband as they were teenagers and not the easiest to talk to.
However, that often led to arguments between us as they lied to him at every opportunity and he was too blind to see it. Then when you present your partner with the evidence, you are accused of nitpicking and looking for arguments.
With any luck, you have a partner who has good parenting skills. Then, if you are asked for your opinion on a matter, you will be able to put up a united front as Cruella has mentioned.
The very best of luck.
Thanks, last night was a
Thanks, last night was a classic case - we were at the dinner table and the 9year SD was talking to her sister, said something and some spit came out accidently. The older SD then decided to then do a large spit in the younger sister's face and it went on me and my dinner !
My wife went berserk, told her to go to her room, she refused and was rude to my wife. My wife then asked me to help so I did and thats when I got the you ain't my dad, i'm talking to my mum not you, its nothing to do with you etc etc etc
It ended up in a large slanging match between me and the 14 year old SD and now me + my wife have fallen out coz she didn't like the way I handled it !
I can't atand the way my wife and myself are treated byt this rude child.
Your wife should not be
Your wife should not be expecting you to make up for the fact that she can't handle her own kid. If SHE can't do it, then it's ridiculous to expect that you'd have more luck.
She needs to figure out what she needs to do to insist on her daughter's respect. Because frankly, the only way that your SDs would ever have respect for YOU in an argument, is as an extension of their mother's authority. Apparently, their mother does not have authority with them, so you have even less.
BB
"No matter how cynical I get, it's never enough." - Lily Tomlin
Yes, Cruella I feel the
Yes, Cruella I feel the same. If they are parking their legs under my kitchen table, they're gonna do what I say.
I can say though having been through this myself with my own daughter, that at 14, girls begin banging heads with their mothers. They are trying to be independent of their mothers and I don't know if you've ever picked up on this but, most women do not get along under the same roof. It is because of this that your wife really needs your assistance with her daughter now more than ever.
What you need to remember though is not to stoop to her level. If you tell her something and she brings up other situations, don't fall for it. They are trying to put you on the defensive to throw you off. Girls are notorious for this.... LOL!
Sit down with your wife and come up with consequences for the behavior and how it will be enforced. Let her know that you are there to help her and you will not allow a child to treat her that way. No Prince would....
Actually, you can take the
Actually, you can take the whole parent thing out of it. You're an automatic authority because you're an adult. This is reason enough for your skids or any children. No teacher, neighbor, or friend should allow this kind of disrespect towards adults. You should step in and correct them.
"It takes a community to raise a child”. It's a dying philosophy unfortunately.
Yes! I always had to address
Yes! I always had to address adults with Mr and Mrs, Yes or No sir or ma'am. I can't believe some people actually take offense to it. They think you're in some way referring to him as OLD. Well, I do live near Hollywood AKA "The land of botox, lypo, and plastic". Its an anti-aging pandemic out here.
YOU are still the adult and
YOU are still the adult and children should always have respect and if you and the childs mom are together then you have a say. Its called being married and you have to not let the kids take control. I am sorry but people need to put their spouse first when dealing with step and regular BC becasue if your not a united team then everything will fall apart.
Thanks for the sound advice
Thanks for the sound advice all. I agree with what you all say and most of the time I try to keep out the way but I will not stand there and listen to her talk to her mum like she does and I also will not let her treat me with no respect in my own home.
I always tell her that whilst she is living in my home, she should respect me as an adult and I am sure she would not and never speak to anybody else outside the home like she does me.
It makes me cringe to hear how rude she is, and I think its harder to accept if you are being verbally abused by a child that is not your own coz children make up with their parents quite quickly most of the time