I am not sure what to do. My step son has lived with my husband and myself 50% of the time for the last three years (The rest of the time he is with his mom and step dad-who we do not get along with). A year ago his mom and I both had babies, I knew when we both announced our pregnancies that this would be hard for my stepson (he had been an only child for 7 years, his parents split when he was 3 months old). Throughout the pregnancy he told his mother how all we cared about was our new baby even when we made it a point to not talk about or do anything in regards to the baby when he was with us. His mother had had a previous pregnancy so she had a house full of baby things and had no need to shop, she also didn’t make a nursery for the baby, but this was my first baby and the first grandbaby in my family so my family was preparing. We tried to keep this away from him but he would see the nursery and go on about how he didn’t have a new room and we didn’t buy him stuff (when we were stocking up on diapers). He would lie to his mother after every week with us about how we hurt him and made him so sad, which would infuriate me and cause a fight between my husband and I, and instead of putting a stop to his childish behavior his mother would encourage it! During my third trimester my husband went to Iraq so for the reminder of my pregnancy and for the first year of my daughters life my stepson lived with his mom, I would see him for 6 hours the first Saturday of each month- his mom allowed it not so that he could see me, but so that he could see his new sister (basically I would baby sit 1 sat a month for her). Every couple of months my husband would get an email from his son and his ex about how I don’t care about him and how I am evil and mean-I didn’t even see the kid!!! During my 6 hour visitations my stepson would complain he was board if I wasn’t buying him things, I had to take him to the movies or bowling or he would tell me he hated spending time with me, it got to the point that I didn’t want to see him and would have his grandmother do the visitation instead of me. But my husband never said anything because he was far away and didn’t want to upset his on.
Now my husband is back, we moved into a new house and are raising our kids together, and we have now received a new email about how evil I am. Now I never discipline my step son because his mom is psychotic and would attack me if I did so I always leave that up to my husband, I have never told him what to do, he has no chores, he never helps out, but he is claiming that I always boss him around! He claims that whenever we are alone (which I cant remember one time in the last two years that that has happened) that I ignore him and I don’t help him or care when he is hurt (has he ever gotten hurt at our house? NO!) And he is saying that I have brainwashed my husband into being mean just like me! The last three times I have made dinner he gagged and said it was disgusting, not gourmet like his moms cooking and refused to eat it. This crap has gone one these last two months my husband has been home and he hasn’t wanted to say anything, despite the fights we have gotten into, but finally with this new email my husband confronted him. Of course the kid had nothing to say because I have never been mean to him and I always give him his way. When my husband said you are lying about your step mom and that is not ok, my stepson replied “well she got Julie some toy jewels and all I got was a computer!” ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! The kid is 8 years old and I bought him a brand new computer for his bedroom, something no other 8 year old in the world has and he complained about it because he wanted the $1 fake jewels I got his sister for her princess room!
I am so over it! Our whole lives revolve around this kid and he is just a brat! We have turned down amazing job promotions so that we could stay close to him. We live in the town we do so that we are near him. We can only have one kid because of the child support we pay for him! We have redone his bedroom twice in the last two years to make it perfect for him, this time he got all brand new furniture, linins, curtains, paint, wallpaper-the works, and guess who did all of it? ME!!! He has every video game system you can think of, who bought them? ME! He has all new designer clothes and shoes, tons and tons of toys, all purchased by me. Even my family goes out of their way to attend his plays and school activates which is way more than his mom or dads families do. I am the only one in his life who volunteers in his class or works with the PTA, but I am the evil one! I am sick of it. I am sick of him shit talking me and then coming into my home and using my things! I am sick of paying for him, and helping him just so he can tell people I hurt him and ignore him! And I don’t care that he is only 8! He totally knows what he is doing. Every time he lies we take him aside and call him on it so he knows what lying is, he knows he gets attention from his mom so he does it, and his crazy mom knows that she can use it to harass my husband and me! I hate this. What can I do? My husband doesn’t want to kick his kid out, he would be heart broken, and I would always feel guilty. But I am sick of living with this kid. He says horrible things about me all the time, I have even taken him aside and talked to him telling him that he hurts my feelings and he doesn’t stop. This is my house, my life, and I deserve to be happy in it! I have a 1 year old daughter that I have to look out for, I don’t want her growing up seeing her brothers behavior and thinking it is ok. I don’t want her brother to turn on her once she is big enough to talk, and I am sick of her seeing my husband and I fight every day! We emailed his mom and stepdad and told them that the adults need to get together and be on the same page, put this lying to and end, but his mother says she knows he isn’t lying, she refuses to get together with us! I don’t want to keep living like this, what should I do?!?!?!